Standing At Crossroads

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PART – I ‘a’

17th November 2005 - 7:30 pm – Infosys Technologies, Hebbal Electronics Road, Mysore -->

“Veeru, I can’t stand this negative thoughts of yours anymore?” Shilpi shouted at him that day.

“Hey chill lady…I was just kidding…I mean its true though, isn’t it? I am just preparing for the worst thing. Common that’s always a possibility, ain’t it?” Veeru foxed a trembled manner to make her feel he was afraid of her cheesy remarks!

“No Veeru…that’s not the point. In some situations, you need to keep the worst possibilities out of your thoughts and words, so that you can focus on positive possibilities. Whenever you give an exam, you come out saying ‘Pass ho jaao bas itna kaafi hai’. When you talk about some past achievement of yours, you say ‘it was just luck nothing more’. Don’t you think you just down grade yourself unnecessarily.” Shilpi had always an overemphasized expression into her short-sweety character.

“Aiyyoo Rama…bache ki jaan logi kyaaa?” Veeru tried to tease his ‘South Indian’ friend, as he always knew her when they first became friends.

Shilpi and Veeru were best friends in the Infosys training at Mysore. Veeru had never stayed outside his hometown in Mumbai for such a long period; it was going to be a horrific time discovering all alone to take care of himself.

Shilpi, originally from Bangalore, was a wise, adaptive and sweet girl. Her biggest challenge in Mysore remained keeping Veeru awake in the long sessions of boredom. He would then copy all the assignments and solutions from her. She would SMS him warnings to stop playing Table Tennis late nights and keep regular good habits. She would help him study regularly; would take most of the trainee-project work on her head to relieve him from unseen pressures. And finally she would also thrash him for his ‘complaining nature’ time and again. She was sometimes like his mother, sometimes like his sister and sometimes like his friend – all in a days work to keep a ‘spoilt child’ in control.

For Veeru, away from his family for such long, Shilpi was just the right person god had sent to take care of him before he learnt and adapted to thinking independently in life. He kept her spirits alive by readily serving her the ever so favourite cup of coffee she loved so much.

“What bache ki jaan and all?” Shilpi continued. “ I am sick of all your everyday banters now. Listen Veeru - sometimes we become apprehensive with fear of losses if we keep thinking negative. Its all in the mind, and ‘jo hona hai vo to hoke hi rahega’. See Veeru - you always should have the control in yourself - that is all that’s important in life. I don’t believe in ‘fate’ and ‘luck’ ever in my life. I know whatever has happened has no external bearings and I own up on all success and failure I get in life.” Shilpi finally ended her non-stop banter with Veeru.

“Its not so simple Shilpi, is it? I think fate has always some role to play in our life. We must prepare for it when we can. Tell me one thing Shilpi, whom do you have most confidence and trust on?” Veeru happened to finally ask Shilpi that day.

“I reckon my lord Krishna and my father are the most dearest people to me in my life. I can’t live a moment without them.” She replied immediately.

PART – II ‘a’

17th November 2007 – BT technologies Ltd (Onsite at client place), Sheffield, UK -->

Veeru gets an email on his BT mailbox from Kavita, one of the common friends of himself and Shilpi. He is horrified with the news he has read.

“God damn it! These international lines, they are useless. How else do I reach her?” a concerned Veeru thought as he tried all lines to reach Shilpi who was in the Infosys Bangalore office. It was not until late evenings after his office hours when he could finally reach her. By then is was already late night in India and she was finally able to pick up his phone.

“Hello!” came her breaking voice to Veeru.

“Hey Shilpi! Hows you yaar? What exactly happened? How is uncle now? Where is he as of now?” Veeru flooded her with queries after having to wait so long before he heard her voice.

“Veeru, yeah… I am fine. Daddy complained acute chest pain and then something happened so he was taken to hospital for quick medication. I am travelling to Belgaum by bus and should reach to them as soon as possible. He is all right now.” She was weak in her speech, broken and her voice drained out periodically.

Veeru’s heart sank. The trudge back to his home was filled with lots of thoughts, but he said to himself, “I am sure things will be fine. When she reaches home, she’ll find her father in better condition already.” Veeru had inherited positive thinking from the influence of Shilpi with time.

However, things did not look very easy. Shilpi had to bore through tougher times - her father suffered mild Hypokalemic paralysis.

Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis – Veeru heard it from Shilpi a week later and immediately went to search on the web after the phone call.

“Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis is a thyroid-related disorder manifested as recurrent episodes of hypokalemia and muscle weakness lasting from hours to days. The onset of paralytic attacks coincides with the onset of thyrotoxicosis, which could be due to various causes.

It all starts due to ingestion of a high-carbohydrate meal and strenuous physical activity followed by sudden period of rest. Propranolol and spironolactone, two major anti-paralytic ingredients, are used to prevent future paralytic attacks, but the definitive therapy is management of the thyrotoxicosis.”

In her father’s case, it was more of problems due to diabetic and blood pressure imbalances and his arms and feet movement were severely affected. For 5 months, Shilpi toiled days and nights to regularize her father’s health and get him back to his normal life. Electrocardiography showed second-degree atrioventricular (AV) blockage and proximal muscle weakness, meant her father was on bed for 3 months before he started walking slowly on the strength of his distal muscles.

The same Shilpi who had never even pinched a friendly skin with her soft hands, had now learned to prick an injection dosage of ‘Potassium Administration’ to prevent cardiac arrhythmias and to hasten the recovery of her dearest father’s paralyzed muscles. She travelled endlessly to and fro from Bangalore to her hometown even while she met her office requirements. She weakened terribly in the influence of the sudden share of responsibilities she had to take.

She consulted Ayurvedic doctors, Naturotherapists to be sure there was complete progress in the health. Panchkarma, Sarvangadhara, Shastika Shali Pinda Sweda – all therapic treatments were under her monitor to get her father to normalcy.

She slept less on most days, took up all tasks of meeting the social hands and made hyper-sensitive decisions based on periodic aetiology to help increase the progress of his health. This affected her career too, from scant appraisals, to loss of pays, however that was least important to her in those times.

Shilpi single-handedly laid a foundation of a new identity of her own to her family – an identity she was unknown she would be so capable of.

PART – I ‘b’

17th April 2008 – Hyderabad Express - 08:40 pm – -->

“What’s that?? Oops!” Veeru was startled when he found something pulling hard on his trousers. A cute little boy, struggling to keep steadily stood, looked at him innocently and gave a smile as Veeru turned around to see what was pulling. The boy changed his gaze to his struggling father who was all busy loading his bags into the train.

“Can I help you Sir!” Veeru lend out a hand to the struggling husband extra loaded with bags. A couple along with their engaging naughty child had just got in his compartment as the train began its journey.

Veeru was travelling from Hyderabad to Mumbai, for a weekend holiday at home, having recently returned from UK to India. He was looking forward for a great time back at his hometown with all his cousins and family friends whom he missed so much during his first stay at UK.

“Thanks young man! I am Rajan.” The father paused to take in a breath and then exchanged handshakes with the queer young man. The little boy also followed suit and shaked hands with Veeru using his tiny hands. Veeru kissed his gentle palm, hugged the chirping boy and played with him for quite sometime.

“So are you from Hyderabad originally?” Rajan enquired to Veeru after everything had settled.

“Well not at all. I am travelling to Mumbai for the long weekend. I work for Infosys technologies ltd as an IT professional.” Veeru surmised his situation thus. “How about you? Vacationing with your family?” was his follow up query.

“Well we are beginning our trip from Hyderabad for a long religious trip. We both due to travel a lot since we will cover many places all around India.” Rajan added.

Rajan was a sober human and instantly very nice to Veeru. They chatted a lot throughout the travel as their son, Avduth wore off to a silent sleep.

Rajan had a very good business in imports and exports, mainly involving with businesses in the Automobiles sector. His wife, Sunanda, was very sweet and caring. She served Veeru with nice food, they played cards for a lengthy part of the journey, contact numbers were exchanged and Rajan narrated Veeru his real reason for going to such a long break – to all the important religious places in India.

“For five years, we stayed with all odds, consulted many doctors and finally understood that we are destined to be an unfortunate couple without a child of our own. As we tried harder, we realized that we needed a child in our lives very badly. We adopted Avduth from a nice Ashram in Andhra.” Rajan had watered eyes as he saw the innocent child sleeping in sound peace.

“He gives me my best times in my everyday life. After an exhausted day at office, it’s a real fun to have him talk to me. He has real sharp eyes and brain, and though he can’t speak completely as yet he does play endlessly with me. His sleeping hours are only 1:00 am to 7:00 am during night. So you see from that, there is not a trace of fallen stamina…for me, he is my everything!” Rajan added proudly.

“Wow what a happy family! When am I going to get married? When will I have children who can play with me all day?” the thought brought a stilt smile to Veeru’s teasing expression, he made to himself. The silence in the train was followed with the closing of lights and all fell asleep.

PART – III ‘a’

29th May 2008 – Infosys technologies Ltd. Bangalore, India -->

“Veeru I want one favour from you. I might be asking too much, but see if you can grant it to me.” Shilpi was writing vigorously on the chat-window she was chatting with Veeru on. Veeru worked from the Hyderabad DC in India where his project was based out.

“Aapke hukum ko kaise naa bolenge sarkaar…kahiye bandha khidmat main haazir hai” Veeru chirped in with his usual exaggerated lines to her. He was excited he would meet Shilpi after such a long time – he could not be around when she needed him, but he felt she had changed a bit.

“Veeru, while you come to meet us before leaving again for UK, can we go to ‘Tirupathi’?? I wanted to go to Tirupathi for quite a while now. I know its short notice but it would be great if you were with me too.”

On 30th May 2008, unprepared but determined, Shilpi, Veeru and Kavita set-off for a journey to meet the almighty of Tirupathi.

“What’s happened to you Shilpi? You have changed so much? I always believe you have been the best the way you were before.” Veeru spoke up when they finally settled to on their bus seats while travelling towards the temple. “I don’t want you to change Shilpi, not to the slightest in your beliefs in life. Its hard to imagine you talking about luck and fate.”

Shilpi spoke as she watched out of the window, “You remember Veeru, when I had once told you that there is nothing called as destiny or luck. I think I was wrong.” She changed her gaze and faced her friend. “Veeru, I have learned that there is something called as destiny after all. Things have changed a lot with me in the past few days. I feel there are a few things which are out of your control, few for which you need to bend yourselves in the prowess of the God. I love my Krishna a lot, and I can’t forget the lessons I have learned when my most loving father was in danger.”

“I believe I am becoming a bit harsher in my daily life. There are changes that I cannot cope up with in these times of struggle. I need to therefore meditate, and let my god know, that whatever be the tough times he gives, I will never miss to keep him in my heart, always.” She ended.

The setting sun cast serene colours of a violet dullness in the sky. Veeru felt they reflected in the beautiful eyes of Shilpi even as the KSRTC bus hummed slowly in its journey.

On one side her father and on the other side her God - Shilpi was fighting to keep her love sincerely for the same two most dearest people in her life. Veeru finally understood the gentle change that this brought to her life.

“Shilpi, whatever be the situation. Always consider me next to you.” He uttered sheepishly after a brief silence and winked consolingly, he felt so insignificant of himself in front of the most influential friend he knew.

PART – II ‘b’

08th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru called up Rajan to wish him on his birthday. “Hey Rajan, many many happy returns of the day...” Veeru spoke as soon as the phone was received.

“H..Hello..I am Rajan’s father. He is hospitalized in Bilaspur and in ICU. Please let me know your name”, came a dry elderly broken voice from the other end. Veeru was stunned and speechless. Words came out as, “Uncle, I am…but what happened?”

“Nainadevi problem..look into news” came the silent corpsed voice from the other end, followed by the click as the phone got disconnected. Veeru found himself trampled off-balance out of shock. He immediately went into the internet and with shaking hands, searched for more details into the incident.

On 3rd of August, a sudden panicking crowd trampled more than 150 devotees to death out of suffocation when a human stampede at the Nainadevi Hindu temple forced people over the side of a Ravine. Rajan and his family wanted to be the part of the ‘Savan Mela’, which has thousands of devotees coming in every year around those days.

With poor infrastructure, ill-maintained roads and well over 1.50 lakh devotees paying obeisance everyday during the ‘sawan mela’, a tragedy was waiting to happen at the Naina Devi shrine. Every year during the time of ‘sawan mela’ there is complete chaos at Bhawan area and authorities fail to tackle situation. At the time of the incident, there were more than 35,000 people queuing up from Bhawan area to Kohal Wala Tobha, from where the yatra starts. A few devotees tried to jump the queue and climbed roofs of the shops, a common practice during the ‘Sawan Mela’. The devotees who scaled the rooftops were electrocuted due to contact with high-tension wires accidentally. The sudden incident created panic amongst the devotees and consequently, the stampede.

Malpractices, poor infrastructure, crowd panic, unprepared medical services – whatever was the cause of the accident, it claimed the life of both Avduth and Sunanda. Rajan was severely injured and fought with life for 3 days.

He had however, a more fierce battle to face. Rajan himself carried his bleeding wife and dead son without even stretchers around him, in a private car to a hospital in Anandpur. Sunanda gave up finally in 3 hours succumbing over her deteriorated health.

The same Rajan, who had decided to go to bow in front of all the Gods of India, finally turned up leaving his wife and son at the abode of that Almighty himself.

Veeru cried a lot that day…Avduth’s innocent face haunted his thoughts.

Part – III ‘b’

29th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, grappled under a gush of thoughts. Questions were revering all around him. He remembered how the famous French writer ‘Guy De Maupassant’ had once quoted about the superlative power of unknown.

“Whence come those mysterious influences which change our happiness into discouragement, and our self-confidence into diffidence? One might almost say that the air, the invisible air, is full of unknowable Forces, whose mysterious presence we have to endure.

Everything that surrounds us, everything that we see without looking at it, everything that we touch without knowing it, everything that we handle without feeling it, everything that we meet without clearly distinguishing it, has a rapid, surprising, and inexplicable effect upon us and upon our organs, and through them on our ideas and on our being itself.”

Whose influence could you take this onVeeru? What did just happen in this short account of Veeru’s life?

On one side - a friend whom he knew for such a long time, has changed suddenly. She has suddenly started believing on the power of fate and luck - she is going deeper into the influence of the unknowable force. A pinch of caution is now added to her former extreme positive thinking capabilities. Her belief in the supernatural, unexplained powers of God, has increased by a multitude.

On the other hand, Veeru remembers Rajan who has gone through the biggest shock of his life.

Walking over a barricade of human corpses - the by-product of a human atrocity caused by the very inexplicable effect of fear which Guy De Maupassant has so correctly mentioned. Amidst sound of human lamentations, with dried out eyes of shock and helpless rage, Rajan carried the silent lifeless body of his own son, Avduth. Avduth was his most strong reason for his life ahead.

The same unknown force under whose influence Rajan travelled all over India – had now given Rajan a reason to forget about his power. Would he ever face himself in front a temple again? Rajan’s belief in the powers of God had been smashed to pieces, he failed to believe in god again.

Veeru was standing on the middle of this crossroad, he could see 2 separating paths leading to opposite directions and merging at him. Shilpi and Rajan had moved on the other side of their roads now, and this change was beyond his control or liking.

The influence of God – the thoughts of fate, luck eternal truth – all of this is really an emotion. It’s an influence that we have created , to make ourselves aware of the limitations of our body.

Indeed God is within us. Whatever truth we see around us, those on which we do not have a control on, are a part of this God. He is an expression of our mind, just as we express laughter, anger or every emotion we know of.

Nature and the evolution of mankind are in the control of this unknown. He has the cards and is playing a game with us. Mankind is collectively endeavouring to win the game of cards and achieve the stage of complete control over nature. That unknown however, has woven the most complex web amongst our lives, the web of our individual existence, on which we get involved deeper and deeper.

We cannot win over this unknown Almighty, but you must remember that the next time you find somebody talking about luck, fate and in fact about God, remember that the individual is sharing his own personal experience and his own personal view influenced by the share of events that he has experienced in his own life.

If you have understood Veeru's situation, you would know why he thinks so.

- When my heart beats,
Chirag Khara