Diya Tale Andhera - Where mind seeks Light

Life is a wonderful Twister

2010-10-22T07:02:00.002+05:30

Life is a wonderful twister.

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I look into the hours of the day where I do nothing and still feel I have enjoyed them. Everything is so hazy and unpredictable when things are happening around you.

There are days where I love to be in my life, I like to cajole myself for all the good times and the hope that they'll be everlasting. I want to live every moments of those repeatedly, sing a song along, play a band within my soul, and make it feel my life is worth everything I could ask for.

But with experience I now know, life always has other plans.

The scientific being in me would analyse, is it the fact that every brain tissue and every moment of impulse brings a randomized identic response to the human being? And maybe every event that happens in life with you and the people who surround you is just a conjecture of the combined efforts of such responses that each of them had no control on anyways. Its roughly a mind numbing explanation, a good way for me to release myself for all responsibility of anything happening around me, good or bad.

Life has taught me that it is not always true.

The philosophical being in me tries to explain that life is made up of a series of events - written in another world, a self evolving entity called as the GOD makes and revolves them to guide them on the path of evolution, growth, sustenance and finally annihilation of each living entity in the universe. The cycle begins and is woven as a complicated web of events, actions, perceptions, sentiments with each individual person.The self evolving entity called GOD has a client app living inside each individual, who communicates with the server app (remotely and in encrypted form) and runs algorithm inside it based on inputs from the life of various persons, and his own sense of what he/she sees around.

In any of the cases, I do feel there is something in the external world, which is not in my control - something which i someday chose to fear of, something which i someday trust completely, something which i someday can't stand with, and something which someday I will fill up myself into -- as my soul rests to eternity in the abode of complete freedom from the life cycle.

What that something is, I have no idea.... and maybe I need ideas from more individual person around me like you... those who can tell me what they feel about this.

Last but not the least, a very important question -> I read in one of the books that the answer of this questions are obtained only at the moment when your soul is released from your body - is that true? If that is the case, I don't know why i feel its worth finding it out sooner than later.

Trust the unknown above is taking care of you enough. Let him bless all of you.

True Regards,

Chirag Khara

- When my heart beats

Side Effects of the Relation-Tonic!

2010-01-31T05:33:00.008+05:30

“I have had enough of it man! It’s sweltering, this feeling. You are looking at the most wonderful person you know for a lifetime, and you feel all your words go prick stone and hit back without any effect on her.” Pause from him. My shoulders dropped in the sudden realization of where this would go.

The bartender returned back with the liquor served in the perfectly traditional ‘Grande Margarita’ holding. The lucid reddish Negroni looked fresh and clear with the subtle touch of the diluting ice and the troubled Orange garnish struggling to stay atop the pouring.

I almost always get bowled out by the irony of these situations. Here’s a guy, investing a fortune from his daily wage on a populous preparation of gin, wine and Campari; but he cannot come over his most inhabitable problems, let alone enjoying a sip of his drink. It seemed like it was the holocaust of the art of wine, an event by the river Glen, every time we went. But to be fair on his part, his problem was huge. He was in a relation.

Paulo, the bartender had seen us many times, loitering on the dilapidated Ivy Wall pub in Spalding, Lincolnshire where we worked. And before I could mutter my order, he retorted, “Your ‘Virgin Cuba Libre’ is right on the far corner. Help yourself with a stream-full.” In a pub barely filled with failed patriarchs drinking their shallow pockets off, I was indeed a mock-worthy non-drinking, coke-guzzling, donut-popping Simpson; a useless rhetorician for the love of god!

“Do you know what? She’s doing it again.” The pause was over. “Relentless gestures… thousands of discussions… and all leads to nothing with her. Everything happens exactly as she wants.” he squirmed as he spoke.

Let me explain the background here. The situation here wasn’t the traditional Devdas one, where the Badshaah has lost his kingdom of love and so ends up in the most remote of the locations in the world (conveniently, his best friend Chunilal’s place). This one was even trickier then those Bollywood gimmicks. The “Badshaah” here had got his “Begum”, but in the not-so-surprising twist, she turned out to be the Marianne Williamson of their relation, the one who boiled out the ounces of her wit to keep it alive.

And for some of you female readers to know, beware it gals, that’s the untouched side of any guy’s guitar, it’s his alter-ego, if I may put it so. And as far as my friend was concerned, the chords were hitting real hard, as every sip sank through his gulps and more wine began to flow through the evening... and into the night.

“It doesn’t make sense Rishi; to me, it is just the same old story you tell, just written in a different way.” I began to retract from a prospective torturous session of why’s and who’s and swears to some bloody nobody whom he would refer as the “Satan of his relation”. The matter wasn’t big. But that’s what these love relations bring. Every ounce of a trivial matter looks gigantic to them. Damn it you love-birds, marauders of peace!

“Story? You… think it’s a story? I’m in a bloody fix here. Do you remember the last time we had a small fight? I told you how I have wanted her to dress herself down now. But she wouldn’t listen to me, man! Every time we have a small fight, she does such stuff which makes me feel angry.” And I knew what was coming here. Out came his long lost look in the air, a glance of indignation to the ‘Satan of his relation’, as he gulped up the whole quarter of Negroni as if he was drinking lime.

During such heartbreak-strokes, you have to check if your patient is still alive in your world. My way generally was to pinch on his shoulder gently, and point in some random direction. This would break him from the spell of emotions that had gripped him all over, thus allowing me to start over my speech.

“Look Rishi, I think you get over protective when you start asking her to dress like the way you please. Is it all about this that makes you so upset?” I exclaimed.

“No Ranjit, that’s not the only problem. Nobody in our project knows about us being involved in a relation. Every other guy still counts her as single and available. Dressing herself like Princess Consuela makes it even difficult for me…..” His awkward pause meant it would be too difficult for him to find words to describe.

“So are you jealous about others? Are you insecure in your relation? Are you angry on her for trying to please you by dressing herself up?” In situations like these, non-certified relation consultants like us think like detectives trying to figure out what’s exactly in the assailant’s mind.

“Listen Ranks, I am not insecure or anything like that. All I am saying is, I am not going to be grounded by nonsense anymore. I have my own self-respect damn it! Why should I always be the one who goes to her for making up after fights?” He continued shouting loudly in front of me; a guy who was sitting at a distance of 10 to the power minus infinity light years away from him. Well, this case had no future…. but I was the only detective in town for him, I was his only knight in shining armour!

“Rishi… listen…. Take a pause and think about the situation. This girl introduced you to her mother when they came here sight-seeing. She is trying to spend as much time with you as possible even without letting others know. She has acknowledged to you about her affection. You must not let such trivial matters come in the way.” I tried to convince him that you can never win with girls in matters of fights. That’s always the final result of every relation.

“By the way, how did it go with her mom? Hope you didn’t mess it up.” I interjected to find out more about their meeting, it could prospectively become the headlines of tomorrow’s gossip.

“Oh yaa, that went well. I had her decently impressed. She ended up complimenting me, telling her daughter that she hoped they would find a groom for her who is as good as me.” He narrowed his vision to smile at the glass in front. I think he could see her mom’s face in it. Our news paper editor would be thoroughly disappointed with this update.

“So is that good news or a bad news? I mean, her mother directly meant that she had no intentions to accept you as a groom! Man you are in trouble.” I paused immediately, realizing I was putting more mess rather than solving his problems.

“I am not bothered with her mom’s response as much as with her attitude. She is so nice, but such an obstinate when we fight. It’s kiddish to try to even out on me by such silly behaviours.” He was frowning hard as he said. I was glad she was not around. If she'd heard a whisker of our conversation, he'd be mauled in the same way as Tom from the “Tom and Jerry show”; unwittingly conned by every of Jerry’s moves.

“So how long have you been not talking to her?” I wanted to move on and check out how much damage was there to be repaired.

“It’s been 2 days and 4 hours now since I last heard from her. I have texted her twice and got no response.” The time he had not spoken to her would be directly proportional to the amount of booze that would flow today. This estimation was very important.

“Why are you doing this to yourself Rish? I mean look into the situation here. You both know you love each other. But still this madness and these silly fights? You guys are no longer in college. You have to dig out these bad times by staying together. See it’s clear that you're being extra protective about her.” I paused to check he was listening and continued.

“Let’s assume she does wear dresses you don’t affirm on, after you guys get into fights. Even if she is silly trying to be nasty on you by such actions, but why don’t you try to avoid being in fights in the first place. Try to concentrate your efforts in solving the problem. Talk openly and don’t think who is initiating the conversation. That’s not important.”

“And listen mate you must realize girls like to dress so that they can compete with others girls wherever they may be. You are silly to be bothered by this situation, let me forewarn you, even if you marry her and imagine yourself after 10 years going out for a party with her, even then she would want to be the shining star of the evening.”

“And though the probability is very less, but let’s says if I was also married to somebody; even my wife would want to be the most spoken about women in the party. That’s how women are. That’s their nature.”

“Wow Ranks! You know so much about women. If I had your spark, I would be having 3-4 girl friends by now.” I didn’t know whether I should take it as a taunt or as a compliment. I think the drink was lending him a kick that distracted him from the problem. Drunken conversations are always so hard to deduce.

“I’m afraid the truth is…. because I know so much about women, they don’t choose to be with me.” I explained. I knew I had given up a golden rule on enjoying extended years of happiness and freedom in the realms of bachelorhood.

“Anyways coming back to my point, listen dude! Don’t think about why you always have to go back trying to cheer her up. After these hot rounds of back-and-forth bickering, all you need is time to lend its healing hand. After sometime the affection for each other over-powers these pointless blindsided fights.” I paused to appreciate my own explanatory skills.

“If I feel for her and miss her so much, why can’t she ever come to me even once with a smile and bring forgiveness?” Even in his drunken half-wit condition, it was a million dollar question he’d prod, and a destitute like me would have no answer.

Nevertheless, when nothing works out, we detectives unleash our last weapons of mass reconstruction. Here’s how it goes. After a moment of silence I began in a deep impulsive voice.

“Why do you think about these lame things that make you look egoistic in your own eyes. You need to understand how much you are missing out on the love and affection you can get from her.”

“You dream in the sore-cold nights, with the 3.5 tog duvets laden on you, remembering the good old times when you had the early morning breakfast at her nice little house. Remember the times you tried learning Tamil exclusively for her, when you can barely speak your mother tongue Marathi for more than 10 words at a stretch.” I stopped as his eyebrows rose in disapproval, but the poignant self in him had taken over, and he was left with no strength to voice it.

“Try and remember the evening you told me about, the one when you were alone with her for the first time skipping the boring movie and taking her to the gift shop and buying her the cherubic baby archer. It was the first time when you made her feel so special.” I continued in my hysterical voice accentuating like a nanny telling a fairy-tale to a baby listening innocently with raised eye brows.

“And also the one when you proposed her… the night of the candle light dinner. The one where you lit the small red candle made out of her favourite Belgian dark chocolate and shaped like the teddy bear holding a heart with scribbles all over it that played the romantic tune when you wind it up, and when you spoke the magic words to her.” I was exhausted. My, my… so much of a speech for a stupid fight, I was getting annoyed myself for having to stretch my imaginative side.

“At that time you were the first to speak. So why not now?” I knew I had once again made a bland illogical and stupid argument, but luckily who was listening?

Tears were streaming from the eyes of the “beer-holder”, as they missed the tiny little opening of the almost empty glass he was holding. He looked like lost in the world of Alice, which people called as Wonderland. I always thought those stories were more haunted and weird than wonderful. Need I ever explain further why I am single?

Emotions had filled him up and I knew my trick had worked. Now even an earthquake or a volcano would not stop him from going and meeting her - and, for like the 1,50,000^th time, once again plead forgiveness.

Paulo came over to knock us out of the wooden upholstery which we had warmed up spending an hour of ranting from him and “Prem Vedanta” lessons from me. Finally, we trudged our way out of the pub and into the chilly, silent and dull evening.

As we strolled silently, I mulled over the poor state of my friend. In an evening of filled emotions, a guy had laughed, cried, shouted, and even tried to listen like a stone, to everything that I said, which unfortunately he already knew. He spent a fruitless evening of pain and agony, not enjoying the 37 bucks he spent at a ready-to-fall apart pub; and above all the costliest, in the vicinity of the world’s most boring company - of mine.

This small story is devoted to all you love birds. I have tried my best to keep it as less scary as possible. But to those like me, who rightly love their bachelorhood, this is a lesson in the scariest and the most inevitable part of every love relation.

--
Best wishes,

Chirag Pradip Khara

Loneliness - The ideal state of emotion

2010-01-01T19:20:00.006+05:30

Whenever we talk about all time great movies or all time great actors, we do get the mention of the Tom Hanks starrer “Cast Away”. Everything in the movie is awesome. All that is most striking in the movie is just the imagination that being alone for such a long time makes us feel so unnatural to our human tendency.

It’s true that we are a social animal. In fact every living thing in this world is. However life teaches us the most bizarre lessons as we grow, one which each of us experience in the journey of our livelihood, however different we maybe. Simply put it says that the probability of we having the most control on our emotion is only possible when we are under the least influence of the social being in our mind and body.

I know it sounds bizarre enough to everybody. But every relation that we bring in our life - the family that comes from the natural order of descending of our earlier roots, to the friends which we mutually choose as our own – all of these together make us loose our complete control on our emotion.

For instance, I didn’t like the Apple pie that my friend served me on my last trip to Vegas, but we were on a vacation and that would be the last thing to do lest my friend’s mood went off. I have coaxed my mom innumerable times on how important it is for her to take more care of her health with her growing age. But there’s only some amount that she can hear of me. whatever I may say. And that brings me worry, care and also fear to some extent.

Loneliness is that powerful state of being which makes us hear exactly what frequencies our heart is emitting. Its the ideal state for pure unadulterated state of emotion. With people around, though, it’s all just noise that decimates us from any chances for our actions to be able to decode and act exactly on what our heart really wants.

Nothing is ideal in this world, resources are limited and we need to share everything we have, so consequentally also our control on emotions. That’s the reason why nothing is permanent in this world. Everything is self-evolving, ever changing.

And tell you what guys... all these thoughts can only arouse in your mind when you are truly alone. Its when you have no fear of anybody, not even your own. Like I am sometimes, a lone writer possessed by the free world of possibilities. Funny, ain't it?

Let me know what you think. And yaa.... just do a small favor. Make yourself completely lonely, away from any other emotions or burdens, while you share with me your insights.

It Happened Again on a Valentine!

2009-02-22T03:57:00.025+05:30

“I’m getting late for the flight, will you mind dropping me over to the airport before you leave for your office affairs? I would like to make sure I am in time before the Australian delegates meet up at the airport.” her voice was deep, slightly unpleasant and Rajni was crying from within.

“Give me five minutes will you? The flight is still five hours from take-off; you shouldn’t be too late I guess.” Though Sunder, her husband, was calm and collective he could be lazy on a weekend day.

“I am not surprised you wouldn’t be too bothered for it. But I think I better reach on my own, I would need to start practicing on this sooner than I had imagined.” She stopped making the sofa and turned to look at him. He was stung by her words; their eyes met. The silence was killing.

It’s always bitter after a five year marriage is about to be shattered. All that was happening was not in the control of either of them, or that is what both of them assumed. Those two souls, who waited for surprise gifts and romantic letters all the time in the last seven years of their married life, were eventually preparing to end their lovely times. Last night was the night when they both screamed, shrieked, paused, pondered, stared with defying eyes and punches of belligerent words that they would never imagine they would ever say to each other. Last night was just another event, one which any other perfectly harmonical beings could have, but which a couple should never go through.

***********
“I can’t think of anybody apart from you! From the last two years it is only been you that I have thought about, it is only you whom I want all my life. Will you marry me Rajji?” It was Fourteenth February, a Valentine’s day when Sunder proposed Rajni. He had dated her only twice before he proposed her, but they knew each other for more than two years now.

The reflection of the dim colourful lights danced on the calm flowing water near the wonderful still lake of the Afrin Resort in Lonavala, a beautiful hill station in India. Her innocent yet naughty smile of affection had said it all. He carved the stunning ring in her slender fingers as she drove her hands forward in gleeful acceptance. That moment was the most relishing one for him. They danced on the solemn music with their hands together; nothing was moving. Everything around seemed to be halted – time was still and love was in the air. Sunder was lost in the gentle flailing movements of her beautiful flowing hairs. Their world was finally complete and it was visible to them both crystal clear in each others eyes. When he kissed her a good bye that day; a storm was brewing within both of them; a storm of untold happiness and sudden realization that the deepest desires of their heart were finally their own till eternity.

***********
“The airports of Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and many other metropolises in India are under red alert. Security has been sounded for possible threats of other hijack incidents en-route the APAC destinations. Officials fear they may need to prepare for a 9/11 situation. The Qantas Airways Flight Q123 has confirmed the hijack of the plane and officials are discussing the matter with Australian Freight agencies.” For more updates do not go away we’ll come back after a short commercial break.

“CRASH!!” The cup of coffee slipped from Sunder’s hands without notice. He desperately looked for the remote and tried to switch over to other news channels. NDTV news read the BREAKING NEWS as “confirmed reports have finally arrived that the Qantas Airways Flight QA123 heading from the Kingsfordsmith airport Sydney to Chhatrapati Shivaji terminals Mumbai has been hijacked by unknown assailants. This happened on…” the words were lost as his ears failed to pick up any further. He was shocked beyond senses.”

Desperate impulse drove him to call his parents and tell them about the incident. Rajni was travelling in the same flight QA123, on her way back from the project work on the Australian trip.

***********
“ATTENTION!!SWOSH!!! Nobody moves from your seat! We will not harm anybody unless you act smart! All of you be aware that this plane is being directed to an unknown destination. The pilots are under our control and everyone like me doesn’t care for our lives. If anything silly is done, we will park this plane directly on hell!” Men of the size of maritime bandits all covered with black robes stood on vantage points at the doorways of the plane.

It took 10 minutes before the severity of the problem sunk into Rajni. She was sweating all over, afraid to even move her hands and wipe the sweat forming on her slender neck and palms. One of the terrorists posted right above her aisle seat was sending instructions as loudly as he possibly could, deafening any senses left in her. When silence fell, she could hear her heartbeats prominently. All eyes hovered around frightening faces of each other, everybody vary of any unknown attack that could possibly be the end of their lives. As time flew every passenger in the plane was sure that they had passed over India and they were now heading to an unknown new destination, possibly somewhere in the Gulf. Nobody knew what fate would bring for them.

Rajni turned her gaze slowly to the window of the aeroplane. She had to calm her growing nervousness. News had come that somebody from the Business Class had developed a trauma and succumbed to shock and apprehension. As she looked out, her mind switched to a scene of white cotton like clouds in the midst of which the plane flew - the plane in which all the travellers were expecting their last journey.

As a tiny tear rolled over her eyes, she saw a huge hole forming into a massive ball of cloud cover. As she blinked her eyes to see clearly, she saw Sunder running towards her trying to hold her arms and get her out of the plane. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if in a sense of relief to believe her dream had come true. Even as they all lay crouched up on their seats, Rajni tried to chase her mind away from him; but it was only Sunder whom she could see out there, far-off in the mountains steadily coming closer to her, trying every breath of his own life to save her. He was nowhere, yet everywhere.

***********
The news had brought panic in both the countries. Envoys from both the countries were making statements to news channels and the Aviation and Army officials were busy communicating with the terrorist networks that could have allegedly done this. Relatives of all those who were travelling in the plane were out at the Mumbai terminals screaming in anguish and crying their heart out to the airport authority to do something! Human life is so precious to some human and so worthless to some others.

Sunder was at the airport within two hours from the time they first broadcasted the incident. Everybody he knew from the government officials and agencies were contacted. All he could hear was a kind assurance from the other side, while they asked him to keep his cool and stay connected. He was burning from within. Every moment he heard her call him out. He saw her calling him out while driving on the way back to the airport from the Australian counsellate office.

GPS tracking machines were tracking the planes for the good of thousands of officials from all around the world, all not knowing what is going to happen with the plane. After more than 3 hours of its journey offset from the regular flight course, everybody was concerned if the plane did carry as much extra fuel to carry a further distance. When you feel death is as close as this, any proportion of optimism cannot amount you from thinking about the worse to come. The silence inside the plane was killing, to each of them time seemed to have stopped passing by. Slowly but steadily, all aboard the flight could see the corpse of 100 more people lying around them. A miracle was necessary.

***********
“Have you guys ever tumbled yourselves into a swimming pool? Well if you haven’t had that fun, here is a chance for all of you to do so. The only difference is that my altitude dial here reads 16,000 metres above the sea and the swimming pool will have no shores from where we will all nose-dive into the ocean! So grab your life jackets, wear your oxygen masks and be ready to live the moments before your death.” The pilot smirked heavily in the most disgusting manner and laughter ensued from maniacs all around the frightened travellers.

“Its my first attempt to flying a plane down, so all the small lot of us who would still be alive, don’t worry we have rescues boats waiting not far away.” he continued roughly. Everybody was shell-shocked. Nevertheless the instructions were followed by all. Since the plane was not so crowded, all the occupants had been asked to shift over to the end of the plane near its tail, possibly to avoid them from being near to the pilots.

None of the two cockpit goons had any training in actual landing, except the Pilot Simulator software’s they had played around with. These men are born to kill or get killed. Their essence to life is different from human. The sophisticated Boeing 747 was equipped with the Instrument Flight Rules chart, but all they knew was the visual reference of the satellite pictures that they drew and copied on their map sheets. The Instrument Landing System was severely damaged while trying to overpower the actual pilots but the Visual Gliding Slope Indicator was working.

While at cruise altitude, the pilots had strewn the engines for power too much which led the turbine blades to break. Consequently three of the four engines had stopped working. The plane backup batteries were fast draining out of power supply to the hydraulics and the control systems due to the engine failure.

The failure meant they could no longer raise their height but the descent was very necessary to be a controlled one. Rajni saw from the seat that they were nearing a shore near the horizon, nobody knew where it was, but it certainly was a lonesome island. There was no need of dumping fuel to avoid fuselage tank blasts; the tanks were exhausted from the extra long journey and the plane was gliding and gathering speed on its way down.

As the plane gathered speed, it was necessary to maintain the pressure on the slats of the wings to decrease the overall camber and provide the balance lift against the drag coming from the resistance of the falling aircraft under the influence of gravity. Suddenly the flaps on the wings lost control and the lift-off using the slats was lost. The plane tilted over sharply to the left and the rudder lost control over the rotation due to increased air pressure on its disoriented side. The plane was now nose-diving into the ocean, unless…

The sudden fall caused the pilots to hurtle directly on the front pane of the planes cockpit controls and one of them scrambled over, trying to grip over anything possible. For a moment he couldn’t see any part of the plane but just the vast ocean of water right in front ready to embrace him. The glass shudder was developing cracks due to the heat generated from the friction he could clearly see the plane falling over, while he was still strung on the leg strap of the aero-guiding equipments they wore. Nothing happened for a few seconds.

The other pilot accidentally fell over the elevator control and as the plane jolted in the attempt to nose up itself, both of them held over the landing steers applying all the pressure they could on the brake pedal, to make the tilt back complete.

When the plane crashed into the water, the heightened gravitational pull, and the tilt over the normal had grazed off much of the speed and the plane travelled the last few seconds at 70 knots before hitting the water. When it hit nose down, the jolt made everybody numb. When it tunnelled into the water, it lost speed quickly and rapidly rose back to the surface nose up. The main fuselage was all exhausted and no fire break-up could damage any power circuits in the plane interior. The plane tails had burst into fire as they approached water and as they greeted it, the fire was put out on its own before it could spread.

The escape was miraculous, but few of them had disoriented themselves in the fallout. A few being unable to swim and were in panic, a few of them were desperately trying to stay afloat on the half floating plane. Many of them clung to the over-wing of the planes as the front exits and emergency get-offs were burst open. People who were scarcely half-alive from the shock and who could swim were taking on the helpless people to the uppermost part of the wings, trying to pray the plane remains afloat long enough. The shoreline was visible and so were the hopes of the innocent people. Two speed boats guiding a medium carrier liner appeared onto the scene within few minutes; the terrorists had finally done all that they could with such a huge risk element. Six people died in the total encounter and the desperately downcast air hostess was asked to confirm the news on an unknown frequency transmit from the shore. Nobody knew who the six people were but that was not important at the moment for the two governments.

Rajni was still alive, breathing heavily but her blood veins were filled with saline water from the heavy sea. She knew swimming. But nobody is trained to fight the waves of an ocean in the swimming pool lessons. Her body was choked and sore. In half an hour the news was confirmed all over the world that the terrorists had taken the help of the Somalia pirates to land the plane in water near an unknown island off the coast! Their demands were unknown and so was the state of every passenger on the plane.

***********
Three days had passed and Sunder ate scarcely. Nothing was as disturbing as the fact that reporters, government or even the police and navy had no information to give. Relatives of all those who were abducted had made their homes in the airport emergency accommodation wards. Be it a Hindu, a Muslim, a Sikh, a Christian or any other religion that the world has known; everybody was praying. Religion and its barriers are not for the common man. The common man knows only that they have the independence to live the way they can and must cause the least hindrance to all around them. Some people had their parents aboard the Australian Airliner; some had their son/daughter coming back for a vacation from their studies abroad. Some company representatives had Australian delegates arriving in the airlines. Everybody knew that six of the total one hundred and forty three passengers are no more and seventeen had been severely injured. Who were they, nobody knew.

“If there is anything in this world that I can ask for today or anytime ahead for the rest of my life; I beg you Oh Lord! I want my Rajni back!” Sunder was praying to god every moment. Nothing else was visible to him; he did not care to call up at his office and let know what was going in his mind. “Tring! Tring!” he looked at his mobile and saw the lawyer calling him up. He cut the call instinctively and a chill ran down his spine and he sank back on the chair behind him.

“I don’t know how you would ever agree for it after all that has happened. But Rajni, I cannot dream to live a single day without you. My heart still beats only for you and I can do anything but be separated from you even for a moment. I love you, I want you. I want to hug you and stay close to you all my life.” He pictured himself saying this to her, he was going to do it. “Divorce is just out of question.” He would tell this to her.

“I am sorry Sunder, life does not always give a second chance.” Rajni would say this and walk away. He woke up from the dream and saw tear drops from his eyes. A hazed figure of Rajni came right in front of him and slowly and steadily…. faded away in the murky background of the empty airport departures.

***********
It was the twelfth day now. They were trapped somewhere in the jungles of Somalia in a distant town near Merca not far from the shoreline city of Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia. Nobody knew what would happen. The twelve days seemed like twelve years for each of them. All were stoned.

If we ever believed that silence can speak, this was the time when all the remaining alive 125 passengers would know it was true. Nobody was talking but a thousand words were spoken in the falling eyes and the dissembled movements of everybody. In a single room lay all of them, exhausted from even praying for their freedom now. And suddenly on the thirteenth day something happened. Everybody was ushered in their sorry state to an unknown set of trampers that rode them towards the shore lines. That afternoon a huge Indian ship arrived at the international borders to grab the abandoned ship wreck in which the pirates had carted all the passengers. Rajni was alive, but for her and for all of them medical attention was the prime necessity.

***********
He had not slept well for many days now, but today he was feeling fresh like a lilac. He was getting impatient like the honey bee. The ship was about to arrive and all the relatives of the released prisoners were waiting at the docks. As the ship arrived tears welled in everybody’s eyes.

When he first caught a glance of her, his heart missed a beat. She was looking out all over for somebody, while being guided by one of the Coast Guard patrolman. The medical team had shortly arrived and everybody was being directed to meet their relatives directly on the hospital wards. When she finally locked him into view the medical team practitioners dragged them all to the waiting ambulances.

The first gaze was expressionless. Both stared at each other almost in relieved disbelief that their prayers were answered. No matter of activities around could disturb their gaze over each other. When Sunder tried reaching out to her the authorities stopped him. Medication for each and every of the passengers was the most important.

The drive from the dock to the hospital was a crazy one, but Sunder could only meet her after 5:00 pm. When he could finally venture it to meet her, she was all clean and fresh, resting on the bed and looking at the ceiling blankly. As he opened the door she turned her eyes and saw him coming in. Their eyes were locked for a long time to each other. Their hands met each other and he settled next to her. She had weakened considerably, but she was next to him and that was more than important for him. He caressed her fingers and kissed her palm gently and before he knew tears welled from his eyes. Nothing was spoken and yet they both shared the grief of so many days of turmoil and separation from each other.

In a matter of a few days of separation, both of them discovered how incomplete they were without each other. This day happened to be the Fourteenth of February, a Valentine’s Day. The seventh Valentine’s day and indeed more memorable than anyone that they had spent together or would spend together all their life.

The reflection of the dim light in the hospital room fell on the glass of water next to her bed where she lay. As she was lost watching the glass, memoirs of the last few adventurous days she went through flashed by in her mind. And when Sunder re-entered the room after a brief interval of discussions with the doctor, he held the same stunning ring in front of Rajni and said, “It was exactly seven years from now that this ring was carved for the first time in your beautiful fingers. It is all yours and can never be separated from you. Can you accept the ring back and also the jerk that parcelled this one for you for a lifetime?” And once again, she smiled in gleeful acceptance. We all are jerks aren't we?

*********** When my Heart Beats,
- Chirag Khara

The Gift of Travel Times!

2009-01-20T05:06:00.089+05:30

After more than a dozen of friends and relatives asked me whether hopefully now I am settled in London and enjoying the London tube travel, I thought it was my moral duty to let everybody know exactly on how I feel about my travel life in both my earlier days and the present times. I know my friends and relatives love me so much, they deserve to know every minute detail of my analysis and observations; so here’s a short account of my findings.

If any of you feel this is quite lengthy, please don’t forget to appreciate the fact that I took the pain to go to such acute details in letting the truth peek through to all of you my dear ones. [In other and actual words, nobody comes back to me complaining this one was too lengthy a read, as I am sure you will enjoy getting truths unveiled and maybe your own similar personal memories unleashed..!! ;-)]

Introduction:

Like a giant earthworm charging towards you with an undesirably great speed, the Mumbai locals are a scaring view for the first time. The scene is chaotic; the profligacy is right in front of you; hundreds and thousands of humans are jumping all around the doors of the train even while it is still in gentle motion, fighting for the survival of their daily lives and business routine. A few travellers get down when the train just arrives on the platform, jumping out for an early exit to ensure they are not strung up in the sea of anxious waiting people, all ready to aboard the train amongst all odds.

And do you ask for compassion? If you are allowed to travel with yourself still alive, that’s all the sympathy you deserve in a Mumbai local journey. A city with a beaming large number of millions using the train on numerous occasions in a single day, Mumbai locals is aptly their lifeline.

The London tubes demand the densest populous - they are the most ancient tube lines in the world. Very few people know the fact that the London tubes network is originally a combination of various independent train services. It’s astounding because of that, considering on how they have now managed binding these complex services together to give a single huge network carrying the oldest tube line in the world!

275 stations on 12 different lines, 250 miles to cover out of which 93 miles in deep tunnels, 408 escalators and 112 lifts, make it an amazing maze inside the city. However the truth remains that more than half of the London underground lines are actually over the ground.

Trains and description :

The London tubes are quite smaller and compact as compared to the Mumbai locals. An irony here remains that the average height of a traveller in India is much lesser than that of a London traveller! Which is really amazing because while I know a 6.3-5” guy is very normal in UK, they always have to bend over to actually enter/exit from a London tube. Disgusting how they missed the measurements, isn’t it?
The seats in a London tube are not arranged in single rows, they are stuck at the very end of the compartments running parallel all the way through, of course barring the doors and the ends of the compartment. This gives plenty of places for people to stand near the door and within the compartments.

However the Indian trains have the more traditional design of horizontal column-like seats of 3 seaters, on both sides of the entrance door, with alternate columns facing to each other. This gives plenty of seating room but less standing room. Of course the trains are bigger in size and therefore can hold plentiful more than a London tube.

Another major difference in the London tubes is that they do not have specific compartments reserved for first class holders or any separate compartments for the ladies. With more number of compartments than an average Mumbai local, and flanged with glass compartments stuck to each other, the London tubes surely do look like tubes moving around on wheels. Again taking care of the travellers is a bit easy in London, if one of their lines is not in service; they have replacement bus services working from that station. This is surely very good for new travellers.

Rules of the Lines:

Every line that is as old as both of these lines, (around 150 years old now!) have seen relentless years of service, growth and changes. And because they are so much a part of the daily lives of majority of their population; the people tend to follow some practices to carry on the daily travel without much hassles.

The Mumbai trains have their own rules and regulations; of course these rules are not laid out by general public as ‘rules written on paper’. These rules are like ‘thumb-rules’ that evolve, scale and follow themselves based on the primordial experiences of the general public.

The following are the few rules that I can highlight and remember as very important ones :

1) In the direction of the train, the first half of the entrance to any compartment is always for “train latchers.” I know it’s an odd term to use, but that’s what you feel like they look when seen from a distance. A few people latched on to the doors, swaying and moving along with the train as it moves around, half of their body outside the train, and somehow balancing themselves with unimaginable talent and risk.

2) The second half of the compartment (which now makes it only a narrow tunnel) is for ‘exit first and entry later’ kind of a general rule. You are given a few hundred milliseconds to exit if you can in any station. After which the door is normally piled over with hundreds of people waiting to ‘barge in through the tunnel’. Another “platform-travel facility” for those who want to avoid the over-bridge is to jump from one train to another train already standing on the other side, and move across into the platforms!

3) People can, and should be accommodated in every nook and corner of the train, windows and the roof-top included. Specifically speaking, people can also hang out on the windows or on the roof tops if their wish be to have adventure. We don’t believe in taking holidays, hanging a back-pack and preparing for a hitch-hiking ride to some gullible place in the woods like the London people.

These daily train adventure rides like the “window-crawling” are much fancier than those ill-making missions.

4) Everybody who enters the train must keep the belongings over their head at all times to ensure it does not occupy any standing space. With a population of a multi-million, thronging in at the train doors and into the compartments, a little occupied space by unwanted luggage means a loss of standing space for 5-6 passengers. This is not at all fruitful and you are punished for trying any such atrocities. If you want to carry luggage, either learn to juggle it on your head for a major part of your journey, or just forget the luggage - others can take good care of it for all of its life, if any left.

5) Always know which side of the doors your station will arrive at. If you don’t, then forget travelling or just beg God that it is the one at which you are standing where the station arrives. However, veteran travellers of Mumbai can be allowed to alight on the rail-tracks on the opposite side anyways.

6) In a three-seat arrangement, at least or not less than 4 people need to be accommodated. The size and the shapes of the participants don’t matter; even 4 WWF players need to follow this rule. It’s always an advantage, but if you are “smart” enough to not want such an advantage, travel in the First class and end up getting your back screwed up.

7) At any time in your travel between stations, if you feel unbearably itchy and scratchy while standing in an odd crouched position; if your hands are lost and in an unreachable part of the world, you can always take help of the person nearby you. They can help you anytime, this exactly being the reasons of us being taught a national language at schools in Mumbai.

8) If a lady/girl has even by mistake tried to venture in the men compartment, scare her off immediately, especially in the rush hours. They cause havoc and occupy too many seats, apparently causing discomfort to many travellers. However, if the lady/girl has a boy friend, the fiendish part of the journey needs to begin. “Abey girl friend ko taxi main ghumaao yaa fir dusri train main le jaao” is the thought of most wise-men of Mumbai.

9) You need to plan lots of things before travel, right from tickets, compartments, directions, types of train to unplanned things like the nature’s call. Most of the stations here don’t have any working models of toilets. So better be vary and prepared for sudden discomforting aversions; you can’t fight with them and the travel adventure at the same time.

10) The ladies compartments will be the most scuffling and noisy at all times. Do not put boards of ‘Noise pollution’ in ladies compartment; this act will be too detestable. You are not going to avoid this pollution using ear-plugs too, so don’t try any fancy stuff.

11) Even if you are in the most hurried time of your journey, be very cautious while crossing the platform where the ladies compartment is slated to arrive. If you happen to touch even a hair of any waiting girl/lady accidentally, on a given bad day the results can be devastatingly disastrous. You might not be able to recognize yourself by the time you reach home and look into the mirror.

12) Never ever enter the ladies compartment even by mistake. If you did, I am sure you would anyways not travel in Mumbai local for at least a month. You know it takes so much time for such a kind of fear, or the impression of such an unfortunate incident (of you being thrashed to pulp) to finally evaporate from the memories.

13) If you feel stomach pain or gastric when you are at the platform, have a cup of the Rupee four, Masala Soda or Nimbu Paani tonic. Not only will your gastric pain disappear but also any unwanted reserves of stomach viruses will be thrown out in the next day morning business. Most interestingly, anything sold in any part of the world is available in the Mumbai stations counters at half the price, unlike in the London stops, where it is the vice versa!

14) Luggage compartments in the train are not for luggages. They are just a special name given to some “foul smelling old compartments” which however should be used by the regular travellers anyways. All you need to do is get used to some really pongee smell that makes your nose start running in depression!

15) You need lots of practise and great skills to be able to travel seated in a Mumbai train, in those places from which the train begin its journey. If you want to get out of the train fast, or enter a train easily, make sure that you are well behind the guy who has the uncanny combination of wit, experience, muscle-power and speed. You need lots of virtues to be privileged to travel in a Mumbai train. The travel using such esteemed methods needs preparation, from being ready to gallop onto the train at the correct time, to shout at the top of your voice to unsettle an obstructer, and to ward-off other assailants in the bid to get into the train first.

16) Never try to use English in your language of communication in the travel. You will end up being caught up in a fight or being fooled entirely or even worse harassed by the veteran travellers of the train. The travellers here are strict in believing that you need to leave your education and your communication ways back at your office or home. While in Mumbai trains, use only the Mumbai language, ‘samjha kya re ghochu’?

17) If you are a regular train traveller and have to travel in office hours, get used to the idea of ‘music online’ into your ears. Though this music is neither classical, hip-hop, jazz, rock nor unfortunately anything like devotional. The music is completely out of the world. The Mumbai locals are filled with great and most talented ‘Bhajan Band of Boys (men)’!

The London tube travels don’t have much of rules to be followed; rules are normally made by wiser lot, and there is not much of such kind of genre here. Always remember to mark out your journey in the http://www.tfl.gov.uk/ website and carry the tube map whenever you are travelling. If you don’t follow these rules, you may end up travelling to and fro in 2-3 tube lines, to reach a destination which was just few blocks of walking distance away!

There is an obvious and in some way subtle decision to make while travelling in the tube trains. The biggest issue remains is of determining the direction in which you intend to travel. After groping through the tiny tube map and finding out your destination, you need to remember whether you are bound towards East/West or North/South from your present destination. This may be an easy part initially, but the regular travellers get so much bogged down by the re-occurrence of the query, that they forget their sense of direction completely.

Always keep your Oyster cards safe in your pocket, pickpockets here are dumb enough to choose the later between your costly Rolex watch and the Oyster card.

Due to the strategic seating arrangements, you end up seated such that you are facing some other cartoon on the other side of your compartment. You need to therefore learn the acts of immediately :
Holding laughter on horrendous dressing disasters ranging from funny hairdos, disastrous tattoos and the clip hangers showered all over the faces.
1) Hold your smile to indolent dragsters that have no dumb idea of what they plan to do the next moment.

2) Hold your surprised disgust on the dishevelled makeup of a girl who is too busy talking to her two boyfriends (one black and one white) or sending text to them on the phone, one after another.

3) Being aloof of, well, I don’t need to mention these fourth categories of people, all of us know that they are embarrassing and shameless in their revealing manners of clothing above anything else.

4) If you happen to offer the seat to somebody aged, make sure you don’t determine the age of people based on the colour of their hair. Firstly because Indians take all people with white hairs as elderly men/women, secondly 40% of the London travellers have their hairs dyed to give natural colours. If you do so, I imagine you would pass 95% of your tube travels standing.

5) Have a strong sense of smell in the London tubes, with personal experience I can say that most of the travellers always have much more than a drink or two before they start their journey. Another tip is that if some traveller is very friendly and talkative, 99% of the time he/she is drunk beyond senses.

6) You need to know the EAST and WEST and the NORTH and the SOUTH while travelling the London trains. Sometimes you start doubting what you have learned right from your childhood by the way the trains are moving but apparently the tube maps are your direction holders not the direction in which the trains are moving.

7) While moving on the escalators always keep right and always hold yourself tight. Eventually if you don’t, you will surely end up in a mess where creeps shout at you in indolent but rapid foreign pieces of mystic fables.

8) No luggage columns over the head on the London trains. If you have luggage more than what you can handle, hire a car or taxi; even if it means you go broke by the charges of a taxi travel. That’s what credit cards and credit crunches are made for in London!

The Ticketing Systems:

Just from the recent past, Mumbai train passes can be bought online, this must have surely reduced the hush-hush for season pass holders who can afford to go on the internet. However, the queue for the on-the-spot day travel tickets is still tormenting. Coupons are seldom used because generously most of the CVM (Coupon Validating Machines) are duly out of order. The people with ‘whiter and shinier wisdom tooth’ normally avoid taking tickets altogether. Especially in the rush hours, we can be always sure that no ticket checker can be on the prowl for his own mercy’s sake. Thus free journey are always for the taking in the Mumbai trains.

However in the London tube travels, this is one difficulty. The entry and the exit are barred by those ticket checking machines that automatically validate the tickets of monthly cards (called as Oyster cards). Thus if in India you waste time in buying tickets, in London you waste time ‘swiping in and out’ of stations while you have the tickets! On some ‘officially rare’ occasions, which by the way is factually recurring, the ticket validating systems fail to work across all stations, and the testimonials to such a disaster is the daily newspaper (which BTW is freely distributed in London trains and buses) that carry headlines similar to ‘London tube occurs 4.5 million pounds of loss in a single day due to the failure of the central ticket validating systems’. There you see, developed countries are so systematic, they have even their losses are counted and encountered by their automatic machines!
Surprisingly many Mumbai travellers, particularly some ‘Einstein-like fundamentally genius guys’; redefine travelling costs in their own unique balance sheet calculations. Let’s say a quarterly pass costs you 400 bucks from station A to station B, they would normally prefer travelling ticket-less for those 3 months. If they are caught in the most unlikely incident of that happening, they should normally be paying 250 Rs fine according to standard railway fine charts. But these travellers pay everything that they have in their pocket, which normally turns out to be a figure close to a whopping 40-50 Rs, and get out of sight. Apparently this money goes directly into the ticket checkers pocket, and the transaction of course remains off the records. So instead of paying the 400 bucks of travel passes, the investment only goes to 50-100 bucks! What a saving and you also don’t have to take care of your passes from pick-pocketers too!

And now consider the complex scenario that you are again caught ahead in your ticketless travel adventure, on the same day, same place, you can give the name of the previous ticket checker whom you had just please minutes before. The new one would immediately let you proceed without obstruction. One of my friends was once caught by a Mr. Tambe, at Borivli station. While in fix, and not wanting to part the 40-50 bucks, he tried to be over-smart and lied that he was just caught by another officer before and gave the name of some lame officer, a Mr. Gavkar, who had caught him travelling ticketless several days back. To this Tambe’s response was, “Khota boltos, Gavkar saaheb Kurla madhe laagle aahet aata! Lai Shaanpanaa dakhavlis tu, Aata tar pavti hun pan jast paishe kaadh; naahi tar ghalvun deil aandhar kothadit.” (English translation : “You liar! Mr. Gavkar is now patrolling in Kurla station. Trying to act oversmart, eh, now you will have to pay more than even the slated fine rate, or else you will end up in the dungeons”). Well when bad luck beholds you, there is no stopping.

Finally the most challenging part is to actually get those day tickets if you are not a regular traveller. After standing in the counters for more than an eternity, when your turn finally arrives to take the ticket, it’s mostly lunch time, or the ticket dispensing crookster gets a call and he closes the counters for silly reasons. There are no sign posts or due time for the ticket windows. Sometimes you are reeling behind at the 47th position in the lines, but if you are quick eyed and agile, you can end up suddenly being the first few in the very next counter which has just opened and missed the attention of other waiting queue members. That’s how you feel in the Mumbai travel - talent, timing, preparation and finally luck needed in each journey day.

In the London tubes, if you are trying to buy tickets from the queues, the situation is very complicated. With a glass obstruction of thickness comparable to the double-glazed windows of my apartment, our sound is barely heard by the sophisticatedly equipped moron on the other side. However the responses from him are heightened by the microphone which is made available to each personnel. All in all, after waiting in queue for a long time, you finally end up using sign languages to explain him the nature of ticket you need!

Station Announcements :

“Platform No. 2 pe aane valli local aaj radd kar di gayi hai. Yaatriyo ko hone valli asuvidha ke liye hame khed hai” This dialog is almost a regular appetite to a Mumbaikars ears, of course, these platform numbers change from time to time. As soon as such announcements are made, we encounter a barge of activities similar to what an outside would assimilate as a ‘state of co-ordinated panic’. People with their office bags handled in the most master-crafted ease, start running from one station to another based on their priorities and the amount of clearance available in the platforms.

Recession or no recession, summer/winter or Rain days, whatever be the season, or what the hell maybe the reason, the announcers of the Mumbai stations are dangerously mal-nutritioned, or what can be imagined as making announcements as if with a gun placed on the forehead. No human ear can decipher the code or even match the frequency, resilience, power, patience and the vocabulary of those announcements. But if you travel for 15 days in the Mumbai trains, your ears are trained to naturally firewall any queries to the brain that try to analyze/understand these announcements. We therefore rely on crowd movements and the seventh sense, if I am allowed to say. If people are running from one platform to another, you know that the normal scheduled local was cancelled as always.

In London trains however, these announcements are made with carefully picked voice programs, and repeated at regular just intervals. ‘Please mind the gap between the train and the platform edge’, these kinds of announcements are necessary for some of those hilariously psychic EU travellers. And I can’t blame that we don’t have such wonderful announcements made in our arena. Naah! They wouldn’t make any sense, when we actually don’t have enough gaps left in the platform and the train compartments anyways!

Public Display Of Affection:

London trains are used by a worldly multi-ethnic society, and truly speaking the most geeky and most exorbitantly mixed breed of ‘nuts’ from all across the globe (this includes me of course). Some of these are so busy or so intimidately alone, that they accomplish the triumph over their loneliness by making public display of affection to their counterpart. These can range from different situations, positions and sometimes, unfortunately with different disgusting voices as well. The sad part is, you feel completely uncomfortable if you are caught on the very next seat!

A funny situation occurs when that couple takes the seat at the ends of the compartment near to the door, where the seats end to an arrangement of ‘rods and glass’. Once I was travelling in one of these tubes, and a Mr A and Mrs B were engrossed in an intimate kiss. Of course, if you had turned your gaze accidentally to such scenes, the mind has by now learned a new reflex action to turn your gaze to some other direction instantly. But incidentally something unfortunate happened and all the meagre 15-20 people, sorry geeks, in the compartment turned their gaze to the couple.

Apparently the girl was evoked by some demons within her, and she was holding the guys head in her gracious stance, but it must have slipped through when their individual systems were in the peak of their processor CPU % usage and BANG! The guy hit hard on the side-rod and the intermingled-processes turned instantly to ghost processes (sorry I am a certified UNIX Admin, so can’t help with my language)! I assume the next step in such situations is not easy to act on, but hey this is London! Nothing could stop Mr A and Mrs B that moment, maybe not even their individual wife and husband waiting back home. I remember one of the London trip books that I had read once mentioned, ‘Surprise is always an element on our London tours.’ I wondered, did it actually mean about anything like one of these tube-shows?

Well in terms of Mumbai trains, this is slightly like chalk and cheese. Though the elements of romance are all close at hand! The difference is that these feelings are shared only on mobile phones. Firstly because fortunately, most of us are still forced to respect to our heritage social manners, secondly the ladies compartments are separate as I mentioned before already. Airtel, BSNL, Hutch and of course not to forget Reliance Mobile; all have bonded many love-birds together with their free and minimal charges package schemes which are only on papers. Whether they are travelling in the same train but in separate compartments, or one of them is back home or in office calling from their landlines; the show is always ON. Though there are some ‘wireless communication’ and ‘GSM and CDMA signal’ difficulties that they have to overcome. Let me also make one thing clear to all of you, do not be under the wrong impression that 80% of Mumbai crowd does not understand what GSM and CDMA stand for.
GSM - H = Ghar Sa Maahol, Hamesha
CDMA = Chalte ya Daudte Milo Apnose
This is the real essence of mobile technology in India. God! I learned all rubbish in my Engineering!

Sometimes due to these discontinuities and voice raising responses, funny situations arise. One day I was travelling in a ‘jam-packed’ Borivli-Churchgate fast train, standing near the door at the compartment edge. I observed that a pre-occupied Marathi guy, young and I assume “newly engaged, hyperactive scarce piece of living structure”, was sitting next to a bulky, filthy dressed, crooked monstrous guy with a mean dumb expression on his face. The Marathi guy was busy in his phone call with his love, and I am sure intimate talks were going on with her.

I can confirm this from such a long distance not because I could hear anything. No, not possible! These discussions happen with a peculiar silence and co-ordinated moments of the lips, astoundingly lower pitch voice with "phase/amplitude/frequency modulation and encoding" in such a way that it only reaches the recipient on the other side. I actually conspired it to be so guessing by the reactions of the Marathi guy; the twist that goes on the smile and the abrupt eyes rising on occasions as if enjoying the joy of the revelation of a previous adventurous meeting. What confirmed my doubts completely was the occasional disgusting frown of the tough guy besides who apparently was over-hearing parts of the conversation.

Suddenly in the wake of realization, the Marathi guy remembered that the mobile’s signal strength is going to be weak between Goregaon and Jogeshwari while he needs to get down at Andheri himself. So it was time to end the call and say ‘1 4 3’ before the signal shrinks to zero. In the course of panic, he spoke the words in a rapid and high pitch voice but unfortunately also turned his gaze to his neighbour, at the same time, maybe due to a habit, I assume. Amidst the total silence that broke, a few people around started looking at this ‘gods own special piece’ as he made his second hurried error and blurted to the monstrous guy, “Sorry I didn’t tell anything to you, it was my Girl Friend”.

These things are so common I suppose to regular travellers, that it was only me who burst laughing in the whole compartment. Finally it was my turn to be embarrassed as I turned over to the other side and interjected to myself, “Wasn’t that supposed to be funny?” Well, all in a days travel!

Fighting over the Phone:

The tube travel in most of the central London are flagged off by signal cut-offs in the underground areas where signal cannot reach. So any conversations of fighting are normally done on ‘TEXT’ (this is the term used in UK for SMS, which is popular in India). A grim observation I have made here is that while the Indian travellers are very good in writing SMS in their own language (like an example is Hindi written in English syllables), but the UK travellers tend to use the English language for anything from harsh words, or the 4 letter abusive words or be anything else.

‘Break-up fights’ in London trips are very small and precise. The two parties would have anyways met in one of the standard listed ‘Break-up friendly coffee houses of UK’ (anybody wants to know I have a list of it myself) which is conveniently nearby to their offices. All that the TEXT would contain will be contents similar to ‘I am glad we have agreed to seek parting, hope you have good times ahead. It was great to know you and we’ll always be friends.’ The ‘we’ll always be friends’ part is optional as you know that needs decent background of knowing each other for a long time, which not everybody in London tend to do in a relation!

Fighting over the phone in Mumbai is noisy, tragic, occasionally coupled with silent periods and doubled with immediate curses and despicable promises to get even in the most meagre way to the opponent on the other side of the line. No promises of physical assaults, however, happen on phone. It’s an understanding in Mumbai which we grow up with, “If you challenge to fight physically, either do it in person, or we know you are just bluffing.” So such a promise is made in a more political manner. A normal way of making such statements would be, “Kahi aaju-baaju dikhna mat mere, bolke rakhta hun pehle se.” (though the actual meaning of it would be like ‘mere baap main nahi lunga pangaa/nahi karungaa galti, mere piche mat padiyo ab’). The Mumbai language has many 2, 3, 4 and 5 letter words of abuse in different languages, with different tones, dialects, voices and sometimes great innovations that add really a lot of spice to the ‘fight on the phone’.

Real fights for Unreal Reasons:

While London tubes fall back in these performances, Mumbai trains have a rich heritage and loads of reasons behind them anyways for the real fights.

London fights are normally done in the form of serious storm of taunts and sudden burst of ethical policies readout from the books of the educated counterparts. The variety of these can vary based on the vocabulary and the patience of the speaker and the recipient. In some observations the time for such relentless speeches are directly proportional to the age of the speaker. But in all cases, the result is only a growing amount of sleep, fatigue, agony in your already drained out body. I feel such mouth-bursts are even more dangerous than the Mumbai fights.

However packed they maybe, no Mumbai train gives service throughout a day without having seen at least a dozen fights in some of its compartments through the length of the day. In some occasions, individual fights are going on in more than one compartment all in the same time and in the same space of journey. Those times are rightfully termed as the ‘rush hours’ of a Mumbaikars life-time. Fights can be for multitude of reasons ranging from ‘seemingly broke a train rule’ or ‘imaginatively heard murmuring provocative language’ or ‘not being allowed to aboard train and so causing push-in’. These are normally just the sparkles and means to spit out the frustrations lingering on the harassed, which is transferred to the innocent, unknown and unlucky assailant. The best part here is that we follow some rules in such fight. Apparently whatever the reason, if a fight has eventually broken between 2 people in a train, everybody else has the right to poke in and hit any of the two fighters irrespective of the understanding or belief on who was at fault. I have myself lost count of my participations in the number of such occasions. Of course I am normally very neutral in my views, so my actions are always repeated on both the parties equally. And when you take part in such activities, you are given the honour to tell a tale of the account to your friends later, of course sheepishly adding a line in the end that says ‘Fir maine bhi haath saaf kar hi liya’.

Platform Posters, Escalators and Advertisements:

Advertisements in the London tubes are rather sophisticated, though scarce numbers of these are actually used in the central London tubes. These actually include electronically moving Graphic Images in a rolling format, sequenced one after another. They are enclosed in a glass-protected frame, with the edges flagged with dark black strips all along. I once encountered with a very funny transition of two advertisements which put my wits into question. Recently while travelling through the ‘Westminister’ tube station, I saw a rolling advertisement that alternatively displayed advertisements on 'Quantum of Solace', the 007 movie; and advertisement for avoiding AIDS and spreading awareness. Well contrasting posters they were must say, as most of you would agree, both educate on completely different lines you see!

The London escalators are so long, that they are the best place for advertisements. The stairs revolve up and down slowly, and all those tagged along on them literally try to ignore their own restlessness by staring on the advertisements. The best advertisement was one I had seen in Victoria station, which had a motion picture kind of advertisement, where all the pictures from the top to the bottom of the escalators when watched together, would make you understand what the advertisement wanted to sell on!

The Mumbai platforms however boast a host of advertisements and information-rich posters. “Walk-through all the gestures describing human sentinels in a single poster of some Ekta Kapoor production soap-serials” or “the latest Z-grade movie running in an unknown corner of a busy city”. And to add the spice to the story, some message boards are also flagged with small leaflets of “Lost n Found candidates whose photos are so faded they resemble close to every soul you see around” or “Earn extra income from home” hanging indented on the advertisement boards.

I remember a time when I was travelling from the Jogeshwari station to some destination, and found a queer advertisement of a soap-serial, with a scene where the person with the main role is being attacked by an assailant by an unknown instrument. Let me correct you before you start wondering what is unknown. The advertisement was torn and so the suspense was ON. All the other posters in the station were even more damaged if not less than that. The build-up of the suspense was only broken when I finally ventured to the Mumbai streets and found the same poster, this time thankfully complete, on one of the side-roads!

Train Banners and Displays:

From recent periods, the Mumbai trains now have announcements made inside the compartments itself for the stations. Of course they are now another source of torture to the swarm of stuffed living beings in the compartments. But if you ever get a chance to see the Banners and Displays of Mumbai trains, you will be astounded by the vastness of the talent that we entertain. Right from the ones with standard defamed products of Mumbai, to the great service providers in Medical histories, all have their say in each and every Mumbai train.

The ‘Shah Piles advertisement’, the ‘After tenth direct degree admission to S.M.Lal private college’, ‘Babba Bengaali ka Chamatkar’ and so many posters of varied dimensions, colour language and for various amounts of target audience are available in display. The star attraction ones are those which mention only half-spilled information. Like the ones which say, ‘Call on :
9812345678’ And amongst all these star-studded advertisements, with great amount of difficulty and struggling to keep its identity known, come out in display the standard government warnings on, “not smoking cigarettes, and not carrying explosive materials, and no ticketless travelling, and so on”. Finally if all of this does not meet the daily talent dose of a few, we have a few scribblers and on-the-spot poster makers who use their pens, brushes and pencils to make art and announcements as important as ‘Lily hates Raja’ and ‘I love Rambha – signed Satish (with some apparent spelling mistakes all over)’.

The London tubes, however, have systematic control on the train banners and displays. All over the train you find the tube map and the train specific journey stops that it is going to encounter. Nobody can ever complete a journey without having pondered on these for at least sometime in a day. There are a few places however, where they do allow the advertisements, but most of them are boring and too difficult to understand. As you already know the sense of humour of these people is also too hard to get!

Display Screens – Tidiness and getting directions:

London tubes wins hands-out in the facilities availed on display screens. Firstly because they display much more than the present train arriving and estimated arrival time, secondly they also do mention if they are not in service! The tidiness of the platforms is also never a question. A few can of beers can surely be found either rolling on playfully on the platform, or finally settling into the train tracks.

You can find BSE written in the LED displays, of the Mumbai platforms for a 3:58 local, apparently due to reverse engineering techniques. In fact some of the LEDS normally don’t work. It’s a bit of abnormal if all are working properly. I have seen people narrowing their vision and adjusting their lenses to assure they are seeing the real world correctly, if they find all the LEDS working fine. A fast train will arrive when the display is still showing a slow trains scheduled to arrive which had already arrived earlier. Such disasters are so common in Mumbai trains.

But who will polish your shoes in the time of crisis in the London tubes? Who will provide you grubs of food sachets or fruits to eat if you are hungry suddenly? Who will provide you with magazines and ballpoint pens at silly cheap prices in your train journey?

London tubes have been so magnificently arranged that you can reach to any place based on your direction sense, tube map and the signs that each platform has at the most appropriate places. While in Mumbai platforms, we have so many people to ask to, and so many ways to get to, that we don’t feel bothered about those directions. However, it is always the risk of a prank from somebody to a newcomer or a new traveller.

Missing Elements:

The logic of reverse-business-hour traffic is all in display in the Mumbai local life. With most of the offices flagged in Central Mumbai or the southern Mumbai, the travel from all other zones to these areas is completely frenzied and unencumbered for most of the journey time.

If you want to see hawkers who sell things for cheap, it’s the Mumbai trains where you would find them. Small children, who don’t like begging, try to sell stuff for cheap to those who are ready to buy. Newspapers, water bottles, fruits, small toffees and hordes of books are all sold out in Mumbai locals. However they never do their business in the rush-hours, that’s when the logic of reverse-business-hour flow comes handy to them!

Another of the missing elements in the London tubes; are the beggars and the singers, those who may torment you in some of your journey times with their silly pranks.

While this is how it stands for the Mumbai locals, the London tubes have their own fascinating world of singers who like to make their living and drinking based on music they have learned. While the music they sing is too good to hear, who has the time to ponder on it?

The final word:

We might find the differences in the two trains appalling, but the most important thing that makes both of them unique and important is that they are the lifelines of the two cities. Nobody can imagine work and a normal life without these. They are the root of the city life and the real consequent of many normal livelihoods. And to add to it, the fact that no terror threats can stop the journey on these life-lines, just reasserts the known fact that truth always triumphs over the false.

- Ideas and fantasies are just false experiences of a world we desire!

- Chirag Khara

When I Lost Twice

2008-10-20T02:00:00.009+05:30

“Ummmmmmm.... Mom, close them again please.” I shifted course on my bed, as the morning light shot on my eyes while the curtains moved away, and out I woke sighing and cribbing, just like those good ol’childhood days. It is difficult to get to sleep on your childhood bed for long, especially when you go to the age of being an earning and coming-to-responsible man. Life, dreams, endeavours, adventure and opportunities drive you away from those sweet moments of freedom, which were so much a part of your daily life as a child.

“Get up my son. Its already too late now and I have given you plenty of time to come out of your 'Jet-lags' and 'wonderful dreams with beautiful air-hostesses'. So get ready and be quick.”

“Oh my dear God, my mom knows me more than anybody. From all that I aspire, to all that I dream, she knows it all! Let me admit one thing, these mom's are your best creations buddy.” I pointed to nowhere and cuddled into my mom's arms.

“Enough lad, don't try to sugar me and buy more sleeping time...enough of your sleep. Stop calling God a buddy and get ready. I want to know how you’ve been all the time in UK?”

It was a struggling two-years time for me in UK, studying from the Leeds University, trying to put head together on a medical Masters in Statistical Epidemiology. It is said that life takes you to places and people, and yes when its on international destinations, you do study a lot more than you normally would. From preparing for the courses, to financial planning for my dreams, all was done and dusted with my loving parents help, and now it was my payback time. Returning back to home today, after so much time made India feel really special.

“Well Mom, not much updates from the last call I made you. My friends threw me a big farewell party and I have lots of stuff got for all of you.” I smuggled a piece of 'Naan-khatai' from my dad's breakfast dish, but she snapped it out of my fingers.

“You boys would never learn to talk and share. Get yourself freshened up first. Is 'serious working' somewhere in your timelines or you want to spend the rest of your lives in those Mc Donald restaurants only!” She muttered and went into her kitchen. I know my mom is proud of me. She may seem harsh and strict, but she loves me more than anybody, so much so that she never liked me having to work side-jobs and earn to contribute for my fees in the university.

Around afternoon time, the doorbell rang and rang repeatedly, the shrill voice filled up the whole house, and my mom almost knocked out her dishes as she ran out to open the door. “What is this Nidhu? Give us some time to at least open it!”

Nidhi is my elder sister, but more importantly my dearest friend. She knows all my secrets, big or small. And that’s how it is the other way round as well. It was a pact you could say...that pact which all brother-sister relation binds inherently.

She ran in, looked at me and exclaimed, “There you see, I told you naa mom, he must have grown thin by now. You have put down weight my brother. How are you dear?” Tears of joy glistened from her eyes instantaneously.

Tarun, my brother-in-law entered next and started laughing almost immediately. “There you go, here come the women H2O's.” All burst laughing even as we shook hands and he embraced me affectionately. Soon enough we were all in a get-together, I seemed to be talking endlessly. I dreamt myself in this happy situation all the days that I passed in UK, and finally I was living it. I realized how much I was relieved to be back home.

Tarun left after dinner, asking my sister to stay back with me and while all other retired for an exhaustive sleep, she ushered me into what was once her own sweety room, the place where we both shared our secrets in childhood.

After a brief silence, my sister shot a pierced questioning glance at me, settled her gaze to a steady line, and asked me, “So what happened of her?”

**********************
“I wanted to tell this to you for a long time. And like all others who face this situation, I was short of words. (Pause) I love you, Mithaali”, I looked straight into her eyes as my trembling lips spoke those magic words. I felt a crumble inside my stomach and my mouth went dry, I couldn't wonder why.

No "I like you's" or "I adore you's" or "I really think you are the sweetest" to check her reactions before blurting out more truths. Those schemes were not in my money for making proposals. The words from my mouth were flat, short and talked about my most deepest and pure sentiments for her.

They caught her midriff in wild fire, and she looked as if she was lost in surprise. Her beautiful eyelids fluttered slowly and she changed her vision to places at brief intervals. I thought she was preparing to tell something. After a brief moment that seemed like an eternity, she finally spoke, “Rahul, I don't know what to say. But let me begin it this way...” she paused.

I just don't realize how women master the art of keeping you guessing. I stared breathlessly with my mouth slightly open; to let the oxygen get in and out at its own convenience, allowing me to concentrate apprehensively, expecting every moment to hear a 'Yes' or a 'No' and end the gruelling wait for once and for all.

“Rahul, you are my best of friends. I really like you as one of them. I know I can confide on you more than anybody I know in this world. But I am not over it for a lifetime relation. My parents would not agree on it, and this would not go ahead.” she stopped torchering me finally.

We remained knowingly silent for the rest of our time as Star Bucks coffee shop continued to bustle around. Everything was normal from the outside, and nothing looked normal in the inside of both.

Rahul remembered the first time he met Mithaali, and how he was impressed by her thoughts and power to proceed on all odds and come over to UK for a career and a strong future. He always knew her to be focussed, looking towards becoming all that she dreamt of. Everything was clear for her mind, her targets, her life, her thoughts and her terms for her living. She shared all this with him more than anybody. He spent much of his time thinking about her, helping her in good times and the bad times as well. He remembered her tell many times, “Rahul yaar teri biwi badi ‘lucky’ hogi”. Yet on the brink of a decision called marriage, she seemed quite wanting to be ‘unlucky’, surprisingly different.

She looked at me with an assuring gesture took my palms in her hand and said, “My friendship with you will never end. And I know you will never disappoint me. I am sure you will understand my situation. I promise you Rahul; I can see ahead that you will get somebody much better than me.”

Her words were not making much sense to me, maybe because they left lots of questions unanswered.

That day I lost my first battle, I thought.

**********************
“Mom, I don’t want all this nonsense now. You go to the extent of calling them at home and not even letting me know? I was happy in UK only yaar, at least wouldn’t have to bear all this nautanki…” I banged the pieces of papers in my hands into the bin and they missed the target completely. She collected the scattered bits silently even as I marched past.

An hour later she came to me with a piece of paper and told, “Have a read at her bio-data my child… at least read what she thinks about herself.”

“Thanks a lot my darling mom, now I am made to read the ‘Preface’ of unknown people’s ‘biographies’ to prepare and attend marriage interviews. I am so very honoured today!” I gave a sarcastic grin and took the paper from her hand, stamping it on the bed quilt. I called up my sister immediately, but it rang busy.

By the time I got up for a bath, I was more calm and thoughtful. It was difficult for me to come out of the influence of what I thought about Mithaali, and there was no way I could involve in any other commitments in my life so soon. But I had to carry my life ahead, if not for myself but for my Mom and my Dad.

“All right sweetheart, I shall handle this one meeting and take it through without incident, but I don’t want any other from hereafter, am I clear?” I finally told my mom as we sat for the lunch. She softened instantly and pampered me, “Good boy. I knew you would understand me.”

“But remember mom, I bet this is not going to work out? So do not ask questions after the drama is over? ” I let out a prominent tatter in my words as they finished the line.

“I am sure you will loose this bet my son.” my mom replied. She looked at me with a teasing smile, waiting for me to open up a shy smile myself.

“Mom, I am the judge here, so only my team is winning. Is the logic clear?” I shoved confidently as I got up. My dad raised his eyebrows, looked at me without turning his face and smiled, I wondered why.

**********************
“I think now we can leave Rahul and Sunita for a while to talk through themselves and know each other better.” Like thorough professionals who have mastered the art for years, both the parents moved briskly to another room, and here I was all alone talking to an unknown person, fantasy of a possible “Arranged Marriage”.

We unwittingly observed two minutes of silence – it seemed as if both of us were mourning for what could be a prospectively permanent loss of our ultimate freedom called Bachelorship if this marriage ever were to happen.

She did look beautiful; we would make a good pair if thought that way. But that was not so important, she would not match Mithaali in any sense. I always had intuitions for girls in the first look, and those were always correct the very first time. She would not match Mithaali for sure; I made a final call to myself.

“Well my name is Rahul, and I just completed Masters in Statistical Epidemiology from Leeds University.” I finally tried to strike a conversation hoping to waste sometime and get out of there when possible.

“I know, I did read the Bio-data, before I agreed meeting up.” she responded immediately. I turned cold on such a stupid beginning from my side. I had not even read about her profession! Just her name and this meeting for the sake of a formality was all with what I began this journey.

I closed my eyes for few seconds, and finally got myself out of the jukebox, deciding to try and speak to her more easily. The conversation began with sharing interests, passions and went on to more underlying truths on our own thoughts about life. There was not much in common between us in terms of our goals, our passions, but she still had a strong impact on me. I liked her for something; I didn’t know what it was then. I was thoroughly confused.

“I am actually looking for a partner who has a focussed career path in mind. Somebody who knows what she wants to become and can do it on her own. I wanna give her that independence of her own. I want her to have an individual identity in the family. And yaa, of course she should be caring and friendly too.” I told her boldly. She listened to me intently, and probably in herself she didn’t look surprised!

As I had not read about her in the bio-data which mom gave me, I had to think of a diplomatic way to get information from herself about her own. So I began, “How do you normally spend your day – I mean in terms of the routines?”

“I work mornings as a clinical research analyst in the Jivraj Mehta hospital, and in the afternoon times, I spend time at the Ramsukhbhai School for mentally challenged children.” She said proudly.

I was dumbfounded. I felt the earth below me shake a bit, as I heard those words. I couldn’t believe Mom picked her for me! This was utter waste of time, I thought.

“You might wonder where my focus in life is, isn’t it?” she continued. “What I am expecting in this marriage is a friend who can help me to accomplish my dream. I don’t think that I was educated to run all my life just behind money and not do all that I dreamt of.” She was looking into my eyes as she spoke. I am sure she was analyzing every moment if I was interested to hear furthermore.

“Can you tell me what does that mean?” I blurted without a thought. After reading her eyes, I wanted to know more myself.

“I have spent many years of my life in education and understanding the way the world behaves. I know God has been very kind to me; I have achieved all that I wanted. But I have learned that I need to share all this with as many people around as possible. Happiness is not about going to many places for a trip more occasionally then others. It’s about doing all that your heart wants at some point of time.” She paused.

“I want a lovable husband who can take up the job of securing the future of both of us, and while I take care of home and my career, we both allow our time to do what we wanted to do all our life – serve the needy and the inopportuned.” I heard her say.

“Do you mean to say you don’t think money and fun is important in life?” I almost jerked out on her affable but impractical way of thinking.

“Of course I like to have fun and parties once in a while. Who doesn’t like it? But I have seen many couples that spend all their lives running to earn a lot of money. I have also seen couples that are struggling to do well in their ways, because they don’t come out of their ego and share responsibilities, success and failure. I think all of them are making one common mistake.” She looked downwards and paused to straighten the ‘pallu’ of her long salwaar she was wearing.

“What is that one thing?” I desperately wanted to hear her say more. It was a new perspective of living I wanted to hear more on.

“When I see people in pain, when I see troubles or ignorance, I aspire to remove them from this world. I become an Engineer to build better places, a Doctor to help all people fight diseases, an IT professional to help me get things done quickly more easily, more accurately and a reporter to spread awareness and kill ignorance all over the world. We do this because in our childhood, we decide to secure a future for ourselves and then transmit opportunities to others when we are self-satisfied. Even I dreamt this in my childhood, but I have kept my focus in it even now. We complicate our lives because we never realize when we’ll reach the stage of self-satisfaction. All that we get is never enough for us, and we forget to share.” I discovered she had a firm beautiful voice.

“I totally agree to you.” I meekly put in. Silence fell in again.

**********************
“Shantanu, don’t try to climb over that Rock.” She chided on him rolling her eyes in a false show of anger. He quickly retarded his action and went back to playing with the Abacus.

I don’t know what made me do so, but I called Sunita up that morning and told her I wanted to spend sometime in Ramsukhbhai School. I reached there impromptu about what I was going to talk to her. Maybe for that one day, I wanted to feel her rather than talk to her.

“Thanks for coming. My students like new visitors. Would you play with them?” she said thus and looked at me questioningly. “I surely will. Time for me to learn Math better using the Abacus.” I put in. We laughed.

I sat with her in a small porch in the vicinity of all the kids playing in the fenced garden. All of the children were occupied in their art. It seemed like colours had been sprayed around me. The scene was wonderful.

“Many teachers have their own reason for being here. Some do to keep themselves engaged and run away from the problems they spend each passing day. Some do so because they can’t forget how they have missed their opportunities, and how they must contribute the rest of their life in here. But my reasons suggests I am greedy.”

“Is it?? How can you be greedy for helping them build up their life?” I almost exclaimed.

“When I spend time at the Jivraj Mehta Hospital, I am looking into career prospects and remaining independently earning. Since you are in medical science yourself, you would know how Medical research is necessary in bio-medical ethics and public health laws. I work for Human Cell stem research, studying advancements in the umbilical cord care, adolescent health care and data analysis on medical informatics.” It was interesting to know her doing so well in so many fields already at this young age. She had to be very intelligent.

“But I think in everybody’s life you have good situations and some bad times as well. Like every other person, I have times where I feel rejections, get dejected or unlucky. In those evenings when I come down here, I find how lucky I am, to be able to live better than these unfortunate ones. So you see, if I do serve them wholly and involve in service, I get paid back a million more. I surely am greedy to remain the caring human, this school keeps me down to the earth where we live.” She smiled at herself as she spoke. Her innocence filled up my ears. My heartbeats were more prominent to my senses now.

The wind swerved my hairs behind as I stood at the edge of the local train travelling back to my suburb. I always loved the train travel in Mumbai as a college going student. I embraced and leaned strongly on the centre rod near the door, lost in my own thoughts. Yet again today after a long time, I was truly smiling.

Was it just the innocence and purity of her that filled my senses, or was I in love? No I can’t be in one so soon? But she surely was making me feel better every moment.

**********************
“There he goes, again writing on his red diary. Will you ever stop making collection of those diaries of yours? They just keep piling and piling. Do you ever read them again? Common Rahul, its late now, I want to talk to you.” My mom was always complaining to me. Right from my childhood, I always maintained diaries, those that I updated on adhoc basis whenever I would get time. I maintained my own bookshelf with all of them; maybe I aspired to relive my past moments of life somewhere in the older days ahead.

I rolled over the pen to the centre of the diary, and closed it. Turning over, I accepted the glass of badam milk from my mom and muttered, “You never loose a chance to harass me mom, do you?”

“Drink that thing without any more complains. So tell me how you spent your day today.” I knew what information she wanted. Women! Oh how stubborn can they get!

“Well… morning I went over to finalize the deals for our new house and visited the loans department as well. Around late afternoon, I went to Ramsukhbhai School to meet Sunita.” I paused.

“Mom I want to tell you something, something which me and didi had hidden from you. I did not feel like telling about it then, but today I want to share it with you.” I looked down and heaved a sigh, trying to figure out how to begin talking.

“Mom, while I was in UK, do you remember I had told you many times about one of my classmate and how she was one amongst the best pals of mine?” She nodded but stayed quiet, for me to continue. “Mom actually, while I was in UK, I came very close to her and I fell in love with her. Not that it matters now though, because she always considered me just a friend.” As I shrugged, she maintained her silence, but she didn’t speak, so I had to continue even further.

“Mom I find Sunita a very nice girl, but I think I am being unfair to her by not telling her the truth. I am amazed by her, I am getting attracted to her even whilst my recent past. But I have not yet forgotten it as much, and I don’t want to cheat on Sunita. Tell me mom, tell me what to do?”

“Your friend’s name in Mithaali Shah and she lives in Andheri west, right?” My mom looked straight into my eyes as she spoke.

“How do you know all that…!??!” I exclaimed.

“Sunita Desai is one of the best friends of Mithaali Shah, they both studied in the same Junior college. I came to know about Sunita because Mithaali told me about her the day you left for India.” I felt I lost my balance for a wee bit; everything around seemed irregular for a minute. I could hardly believe what I heard.

“But Rahul, Sunita doesn’t know about Mithaali’s friendship and her past with you.” My mom paused. “Listen my son, not always is it possible for somebody to commit being all your life with you. We do not lead our life for one person. What makes Mithaali your true friend is that she found the perfect girl for you, somebody even more suitable for you, so even as a friend, she understood you the most. I am happy you loved a girl like her. But my dear, Sunita is surely a girl more perfect for you.” My mom always deepened her tone when she said important things. I was stunned by these disclosures.

“I had told you that you will loose the bet, the reason behind that was not just what I foresaw in the meeting. Maybe I knew that if Mithaali was indeed your best friend, she would surely find you your best partner.” She ended.

The badam milk lay on the desk just like that. I stared at it in a state of blackout, confused whether to be happy or be sad with the revelations.

At that moment, I felt I lost the battle a second time.

**********************
Marriage and love are two different sentiments. Love binds you with a feeling that is inseparable but not necessarily bound with togetherness. Marriage is a bond that thrives on the trust that both give each other to stay together all your life. Love can help you build that bond with somebody, and stay all our life in the sacred relation of marriage. But that, my dear friends, is not necessarily the only way.

When you are actually ready to accept somebody as your partner, you try to find the best match for yourself. This is what you do even when you fall in love, the only difference is that it may not be so apparent when you fall in love, but then what you want from both ways always remains the same.

So every marriage, be it a ‘love marriage’ or ‘arranged marriage’, is successful only if your intent towards living a happy married life is true and complete. Then your efforts, time and happiness, everything is directed only towards sharing that togetherness with whomsoever you choose on your own.

Today is my first marriage anniversary, and of course I love my wife Sunita a lot. However, we both have mutually decided to not celebrate on this special occasion this year.

In India, we do not celebrate any occasions within few days of the loss of any of our dear ones. And sure enough, Mithaali, who left us to make a journey to eternal worlds a few days back, was one of our dearest friends. I know she loved me.

Every time I remember her, I remember how I always thought I lost twice, but how she proved it to be otherwise.

**********************
- When My heart beats,
Chirag Khara

Standing At Crossroads

2008-09-03T03:21:00.000+05:30

--

PART – I ‘a’

17th November 2005 - 7:30 pm – Infosys Technologies, Hebbal Electronics Road, Mysore -->

“Veeru, I can’t stand this negative thoughts of yours anymore?” Shilpi shouted at him that day.

“Hey chill lady…I was just kidding…I mean its true though, isn’t it? I am just preparing for the worst thing. Common that’s always a possibility, ain’t it?” Veeru foxed a trembled manner to make her feel he was afraid of her cheesy remarks!

“No Veeru…that’s not the point. In some situations, you need to keep the worst possibilities out of your thoughts and words, so that you can focus on positive possibilities. Whenever you give an exam, you come out saying ‘Pass ho jaao bas itna kaafi hai’. When you talk about some past achievement of yours, you say ‘it was just luck nothing more’. Don’t you think you just down grade yourself unnecessarily.” Shilpi had always an overemphasized expression into her short-sweety character.

“Aiyyoo Rama…bache ki jaan logi kyaaa?” Veeru tried to tease his ‘South Indian’ friend, as he always knew her when they first became friends.

Shilpi and Veeru were best friends in the Infosys training at Mysore. Veeru had never stayed outside his hometown in Mumbai for such a long period; it was going to be a horrific time discovering all alone to take care of himself.

Shilpi, originally from Bangalore, was a wise, adaptive and sweet girl. Her biggest challenge in Mysore remained keeping Veeru awake in the long sessions of boredom. He would then copy all the assignments and solutions from her. She would SMS him warnings to stop playing Table Tennis late nights and keep regular good habits. She would help him study regularly; would take most of the trainee-project work on her head to relieve him from unseen pressures. And finally she would also thrash him for his ‘complaining nature’ time and again. She was sometimes like his mother, sometimes like his sister and sometimes like his friend – all in a days work to keep a ‘spoilt child’ in control.

For Veeru, away from his family for such long, Shilpi was just the right person god had sent to take care of him before he learnt and adapted to thinking independently in life. He kept her spirits alive by readily serving her the ever so favourite cup of coffee she loved so much.

“What bache ki jaan and all?” Shilpi continued. “ I am sick of all your everyday banters now. Listen Veeru - sometimes we become apprehensive with fear of losses if we keep thinking negative. Its all in the mind, and ‘jo hona hai vo to hoke hi rahega’. See Veeru - you always should have the control in yourself - that is all that’s important in life. I don’t believe in ‘fate’ and ‘luck’ ever in my life. I know whatever has happened has no external bearings and I own up on all success and failure I get in life.” Shilpi finally ended her non-stop banter with Veeru.

“Its not so simple Shilpi, is it? I think fate has always some role to play in our life. We must prepare for it when we can. Tell me one thing Shilpi, whom do you have most confidence and trust on?” Veeru happened to finally ask Shilpi that day.

“I reckon my lord Krishna and my father are the most dearest people to me in my life. I can’t live a moment without them.” She replied immediately.

PART – II ‘a’

17th November 2007 – BT technologies Ltd (Onsite at client place), Sheffield, UK -->

Veeru gets an email on his BT mailbox from Kavita, one of the common friends of himself and Shilpi. He is horrified with the news he has read.

“God damn it! These international lines, they are useless. How else do I reach her?” a concerned Veeru thought as he tried all lines to reach Shilpi who was in the Infosys Bangalore office. It was not until late evenings after his office hours when he could finally reach her. By then is was already late night in India and she was finally able to pick up his phone.

“Hello!” came her breaking voice to Veeru.

“Hey Shilpi! Hows you yaar? What exactly happened? How is uncle now? Where is he as of now?” Veeru flooded her with queries after having to wait so long before he heard her voice.

“Veeru, yeah… I am fine. Daddy complained acute chest pain and then something happened so he was taken to hospital for quick medication. I am travelling to Belgaum by bus and should reach to them as soon as possible. He is all right now.” She was weak in her speech, broken and her voice drained out periodically.

Veeru’s heart sank. The trudge back to his home was filled with lots of thoughts, but he said to himself, “I am sure things will be fine. When she reaches home, she’ll find her father in better condition already.” Veeru had inherited positive thinking from the influence of Shilpi with time.

However, things did not look very easy. Shilpi had to bore through tougher times - her father suffered mild Hypokalemic paralysis.

Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis – Veeru heard it from Shilpi a week later and immediately went to search on the web after the phone call.

“Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis is a thyroid-related disorder manifested as recurrent episodes of hypokalemia and muscle weakness lasting from hours to days. The onset of paralytic attacks coincides with the onset of thyrotoxicosis, which could be due to various causes.

It all starts due to ingestion of a high-carbohydrate meal and strenuous physical activity followed by sudden period of rest. Propranolol and spironolactone, two major anti-paralytic ingredients, are used to prevent future paralytic attacks, but the definitive therapy is management of the thyrotoxicosis.”

In her father’s case, it was more of problems due to diabetic and blood pressure imbalances and his arms and feet movement were severely affected. For 5 months, Shilpi toiled days and nights to regularize her father’s health and get him back to his normal life. Electrocardiography showed second-degree atrioventricular (AV) blockage and proximal muscle weakness, meant her father was on bed for 3 months before he started walking slowly on the strength of his distal muscles.

The same Shilpi who had never even pinched a friendly skin with her soft hands, had now learned to prick an injection dosage of ‘Potassium Administration’ to prevent cardiac arrhythmias and to hasten the recovery of her dearest father’s paralyzed muscles. She travelled endlessly to and fro from Bangalore to her hometown even while she met her office requirements. She weakened terribly in the influence of the sudden share of responsibilities she had to take.

She consulted Ayurvedic doctors, Naturotherapists to be sure there was complete progress in the health. Panchkarma, Sarvangadhara, Shastika Shali Pinda Sweda – all therapic treatments were under her monitor to get her father to normalcy.

She slept less on most days, took up all tasks of meeting the social hands and made hyper-sensitive decisions based on periodic aetiology to help increase the progress of his health. This affected her career too, from scant appraisals, to loss of pays, however that was least important to her in those times.

Shilpi single-handedly laid a foundation of a new identity of her own to her family – an identity she was unknown she would be so capable of.

PART – I ‘b’

17th April 2008 – Hyderabad Express - 08:40 pm – -->

“What’s that?? Oops!” Veeru was startled when he found something pulling hard on his trousers. A cute little boy, struggling to keep steadily stood, looked at him innocently and gave a smile as Veeru turned around to see what was pulling. The boy changed his gaze to his struggling father who was all busy loading his bags into the train.

“Can I help you Sir!” Veeru lend out a hand to the struggling husband extra loaded with bags. A couple along with their engaging naughty child had just got in his compartment as the train began its journey.

Veeru was travelling from Hyderabad to Mumbai, for a weekend holiday at home, having recently returned from UK to India. He was looking forward for a great time back at his hometown with all his cousins and family friends whom he missed so much during his first stay at UK.

“Thanks young man! I am Rajan.” The father paused to take in a breath and then exchanged handshakes with the queer young man. The little boy also followed suit and shaked hands with Veeru using his tiny hands. Veeru kissed his gentle palm, hugged the chirping boy and played with him for quite sometime.

“So are you from Hyderabad originally?” Rajan enquired to Veeru after everything had settled.

“Well not at all. I am travelling to Mumbai for the long weekend. I work for Infosys technologies ltd as an IT professional.” Veeru surmised his situation thus. “How about you? Vacationing with your family?” was his follow up query.

“Well we are beginning our trip from Hyderabad for a long religious trip. We both due to travel a lot since we will cover many places all around India.” Rajan added.

Rajan was a sober human and instantly very nice to Veeru. They chatted a lot throughout the travel as their son, Avduth wore off to a silent sleep.

Rajan had a very good business in imports and exports, mainly involving with businesses in the Automobiles sector. His wife, Sunanda, was very sweet and caring. She served Veeru with nice food, they played cards for a lengthy part of the journey, contact numbers were exchanged and Rajan narrated Veeru his real reason for going to such a long break – to all the important religious places in India.

“For five years, we stayed with all odds, consulted many doctors and finally understood that we are destined to be an unfortunate couple without a child of our own. As we tried harder, we realized that we needed a child in our lives very badly. We adopted Avduth from a nice Ashram in Andhra.” Rajan had watered eyes as he saw the innocent child sleeping in sound peace.

“He gives me my best times in my everyday life. After an exhausted day at office, it’s a real fun to have him talk to me. He has real sharp eyes and brain, and though he can’t speak completely as yet he does play endlessly with me. His sleeping hours are only 1:00 am to 7:00 am during night. So you see from that, there is not a trace of fallen stamina…for me, he is my everything!” Rajan added proudly.

“Wow what a happy family! When am I going to get married? When will I have children who can play with me all day?” the thought brought a stilt smile to Veeru’s teasing expression, he made to himself. The silence in the train was followed with the closing of lights and all fell asleep.

PART – III ‘a’

29th May 2008 – Infosys technologies Ltd. Bangalore, India -->

“Veeru I want one favour from you. I might be asking too much, but see if you can grant it to me.” Shilpi was writing vigorously on the chat-window she was chatting with Veeru on. Veeru worked from the Hyderabad DC in India where his project was based out.

“Aapke hukum ko kaise naa bolenge sarkaar…kahiye bandha khidmat main haazir hai” Veeru chirped in with his usual exaggerated lines to her. He was excited he would meet Shilpi after such a long time – he could not be around when she needed him, but he felt she had changed a bit.

“Veeru, while you come to meet us before leaving again for UK, can we go to ‘Tirupathi’?? I wanted to go to Tirupathi for quite a while now. I know its short notice but it would be great if you were with me too.”

On 30th May 2008, unprepared but determined, Shilpi, Veeru and Kavita set-off for a journey to meet the almighty of Tirupathi.

“What’s happened to you Shilpi? You have changed so much? I always believe you have been the best the way you were before.” Veeru spoke up when they finally settled to on their bus seats while travelling towards the temple. “I don’t want you to change Shilpi, not to the slightest in your beliefs in life. Its hard to imagine you talking about luck and fate.”

Shilpi spoke as she watched out of the window, “You remember Veeru, when I had once told you that there is nothing called as destiny or luck. I think I was wrong.” She changed her gaze and faced her friend. “Veeru, I have learned that there is something called as destiny after all. Things have changed a lot with me in the past few days. I feel there are a few things which are out of your control, few for which you need to bend yourselves in the prowess of the God. I love my Krishna a lot, and I can’t forget the lessons I have learned when my most loving father was in danger.”

“I believe I am becoming a bit harsher in my daily life. There are changes that I cannot cope up with in these times of struggle. I need to therefore meditate, and let my god know, that whatever be the tough times he gives, I will never miss to keep him in my heart, always.” She ended.

The setting sun cast serene colours of a violet dullness in the sky. Veeru felt they reflected in the beautiful eyes of Shilpi even as the KSRTC bus hummed slowly in its journey.

On one side her father and on the other side her God - Shilpi was fighting to keep her love sincerely for the same two most dearest people in her life. Veeru finally understood the gentle change that this brought to her life.

“Shilpi, whatever be the situation. Always consider me next to you.” He uttered sheepishly after a brief silence and winked consolingly, he felt so insignificant of himself in front of the most influential friend he knew.

PART – II ‘b’

08th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru called up Rajan to wish him on his birthday. “Hey Rajan, many many happy returns of the day...” Veeru spoke as soon as the phone was received.

“H..Hello..I am Rajan’s father. He is hospitalized in Bilaspur and in ICU. Please let me know your name”, came a dry elderly broken voice from the other end. Veeru was stunned and speechless. Words came out as, “Uncle, I am…but what happened?”

“Nainadevi problem..look into news” came the silent corpsed voice from the other end, followed by the click as the phone got disconnected. Veeru found himself trampled off-balance out of shock. He immediately went into the internet and with shaking hands, searched for more details into the incident.

On 3rd of August, a sudden panicking crowd trampled more than 150 devotees to death out of suffocation when a human stampede at the Nainadevi Hindu temple forced people over the side of a Ravine. Rajan and his family wanted to be the part of the ‘Savan Mela’, which has thousands of devotees coming in every year around those days.

With poor infrastructure, ill-maintained roads and well over 1.50 lakh devotees paying obeisance everyday during the ‘sawan mela’, a tragedy was waiting to happen at the Naina Devi shrine. Every year during the time of ‘sawan mela’ there is complete chaos at Bhawan area and authorities fail to tackle situation. At the time of the incident, there were more than 35,000 people queuing up from Bhawan area to Kohal Wala Tobha, from where the yatra starts. A few devotees tried to jump the queue and climbed roofs of the shops, a common practice during the ‘Sawan Mela’. The devotees who scaled the rooftops were electrocuted due to contact with high-tension wires accidentally. The sudden incident created panic amongst the devotees and consequently, the stampede.

Malpractices, poor infrastructure, crowd panic, unprepared medical services – whatever was the cause of the accident, it claimed the life of both Avduth and Sunanda. Rajan was severely injured and fought with life for 3 days.

He had however, a more fierce battle to face. Rajan himself carried his bleeding wife and dead son without even stretchers around him, in a private car to a hospital in Anandpur. Sunanda gave up finally in 3 hours succumbing over her deteriorated health.

The same Rajan, who had decided to go to bow in front of all the Gods of India, finally turned up leaving his wife and son at the abode of that Almighty himself.

Veeru cried a lot that day…Avduth’s innocent face haunted his thoughts.

Part – III ‘b’

29th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, grappled under a gush of thoughts. Questions were revering all around him. He remembered how the famous French writer ‘Guy De Maupassant’ had once quoted about the superlative power of unknown.

“Whence come those mysterious influences which change our happiness into discouragement, and our self-confidence into diffidence? One might almost say that the air, the invisible air, is full of unknowable Forces, whose mysterious presence we have to endure.

Everything that surrounds us, everything that we see without looking at it, everything that we touch without knowing it, everything that we handle without feeling it, everything that we meet without clearly distinguishing it, has a rapid, surprising, and inexplicable effect upon us and upon our organs, and through them on our ideas and on our being itself.”

Whose influence could you take this onVeeru? What did just happen in this short account of Veeru’s life?

On one side - a friend whom he knew for such a long time, has changed suddenly. She has suddenly started believing on the power of fate and luck - she is going deeper into the influence of the unknowable force. A pinch of caution is now added to her former extreme positive thinking capabilities. Her belief in the supernatural, unexplained powers of God, has increased by a multitude.

On the other hand, Veeru remembers Rajan who has gone through the biggest shock of his life.

Walking over a barricade of human corpses - the by-product of a human atrocity caused by the very inexplicable effect of fear which Guy De Maupassant has so correctly mentioned. Amidst sound of human lamentations, with dried out eyes of shock and helpless rage, Rajan carried the silent lifeless body of his own son, Avduth. Avduth was his most strong reason for his life ahead.

The same unknown force under whose influence Rajan travelled all over India – had now given Rajan a reason to forget about his power. Would he ever face himself in front a temple again? Rajan’s belief in the powers of God had been smashed to pieces, he failed to believe in god again.

Veeru was standing on the middle of this crossroad, he could see 2 separating paths leading to opposite directions and merging at him. Shilpi and Rajan had moved on the other side of their roads now, and this change was beyond his control or liking.

The influence of God – the thoughts of fate, luck eternal truth – all of this is really an emotion. It’s an influence that we have created , to make ourselves aware of the limitations of our body.

Indeed God is within us. Whatever truth we see around us, those on which we do not have a control on, are a part of this God. He is an expression of our mind, just as we express laughter, anger or every emotion we know of.

Nature and the evolution of mankind are in the control of this unknown. He has the cards and is playing a game with us. Mankind is collectively endeavouring to win the game of cards and achieve the stage of complete control over nature. That unknown however, has woven the most complex web amongst our lives, the web of our individual existence, on which we get involved deeper and deeper.

We cannot win over this unknown Almighty, but you must remember that the next time you find somebody talking about luck, fate and in fact about God, remember that the individual is sharing his own personal experience and his own personal view influenced by the share of events that he has experienced in his own life.

If you have understood Veeru's situation, you would know why he thinks so.

- When my heart beats,
Chirag Khara

Discovering Love in a Relation

2008-07-21T04:03:00.000+05:30

26th December 2007 - midnight 12:00 hrs GMT -->
"I love her, I really do.” said Raj. Tears glistened from his eyes as he embraced me and said,” Thanks Ramu. I owe you my life for making me realize how stupid and egoistic I have been." His eyes had that look which meant he really knew and understood what he was saying.

I made him call her immediately. They spoke for quite a while, and he cried throughout. But in the end, it was a beginning of a fresh phase to their relation – finally, the phase of love.

25th December 2007 - 23:30 hrs GMT -->
He plunged into another sip of his Scottish whisky, while he called up the waiter for another pair of 'quarter' glasses to be served. Likewise to how the 'drunkards' behave in Hindi Cinema when they are outburst in emotions of agony and ecstasy; the same was the case with him today.

The sip digged into his oesophagus a bit too quickly, burning in all the way, and commotion ensued at our table as my 'heart-broken' friend coughed in full throttle like a 'long unused car' sputters on the first ignition. It was indeed a first ignition in his merry life, all that he had discovered in our small town at UK where we were all commissioned as IT professionals for BT.

I always thought how funny it was with him. Almost every instance I was alone next to him sipping in my 'mug' of soft drink or maybe a juice once in a while, and he would still turn up ordering 2 glasses of whisky. He believed in the saying that we must always booze with somebody else to share in the health of the togetherness. He had no choice though, in the bloody European tour bus in which I entailed him all the way to Geneva, then to Rome and then to Paris on the last leg of our 'Tour De Europe'.

He worked for HCL in India, and I was an enterprise of Infotech. It was surprising that both of us had the same first two letters of our name, but there was nothing else in common between us. Nobody of us complained that 'Raj' and 'Ram' are but 2 common names of India. But it was fun though, as the Englishmen had a tough time calling us by our right names.

Rishita, that was her name. She was also from my company though I had never seen her before until I saw her in UK. She was sweet and had curly hairs and a rather sober voice for her getup. Extremely emotional and catchy to her thoughts, it was a real wonder how she fell in love with Raj. It really was the best example to maybe reiterate on my belief, 'Opposites attract'. There was really nothing in common between them. However they were together every time. I arrived rather late in the scene to know how they actually met and became fond of each other, but it really was true that they loved each other a lot.

“Nashe ka din aaya hai aaj, gham ki ghata ne diya saath hai..
Judaai uski yu sataa rahi hai ki, Ansuon main bhi meghnath hai!”

He sang so loudly, was so hoarse, that my hands automatically broke over my brains orders and they went on to close my ears. Sighs, claps and appreciation broke amongst the few people in the Pub, though I am not sure if even 10% of those French idiots understood what was told.

“What’s it with you now?” I tried to break a conversation, after watching him sway around his eyes in aggrieved disgruntle to everything he could see.

“What…what can it be? I am fine…just fine, c’mon this is the way to chill ar’nd when you’r in a trip monsieur, it’s a cock-a-doodle-dun affair…”. Only he was capable to understand what he meant in the last line. He was not in his full senses maybe, but I had to talk to him however difficult it may get. That one phone, the silly phone call ruined all our evening plans and still I could not complain to him in any other way.

“This is fine? It really is, isn’t it…ha?” out came my scornful, sarcastic words.
“A guy here dresses up to go to the Odeon to watch his first charismatic French play and feel the richness of the French revolution, and ends up going to a bar, drinking as he had never drank all his life. And now he fancies living with the thought that all’s nice around. C’mon dude…everything is wrong in this place. All’s been so after that phone call…and I am hangin’ around with you in this piece of shit, so can I please know what’s the matter actually?” I carefully softened my tone to try and not confound him in more agony and repent for ruining my evening all over. However my attempt was futile.

“You are right bro! You are absolutely correct. I am such a great screwer… I screwed your evening bigtime! I would say you could never ever have imagined yourself in the rich outfit you are presently wrapped up - for the all-exclusive Odeon show. And now you are hung up with me here. I am not ok…I need serious changes…I am diseased…my mind is diseased, my soul is diseased…I am a screwer…bigtime screwer. I can screw everybody’s life by my sole presence… your’s, Rishita’s…mine’s…uhh..!!" He panted as he spoke non-stop in a gush, his emotions speaking over his mind. I scowled within myself, he had mentioned about my dressing for the evening!

I waited for him to continue, but he stopped. Silence fell on our table even though the Pub was filled in its lee business hours of this ‘Christmas weeks Friday night’. Our conversation had to continue so I spoke up, “Its not so Raju…I mean don’t feel bad about me over here and all. I am fine here as well…it’s a good little pub and the babes here are really fascinating. On a second thought it’s a better bargain for me rather than the boring French revolution play, we would make heck no sense of!!” It was queer I was actually discovering the truth of all I said, even as I muttered to him. Well French gals are really hot must say, I conjectured within.

“But I am just curious to know what made you change your plans? What was that call all about? Whom were you speaking to? Rishita?” I continued probing him. He raised his eyebrows slightly but corrected immediately, trying to dig in on what he heard and still act unaffected. It was too slow for me though, and I had caught him unawares.

“Err...Rishita? Umm…why would she call me? She knows we are here in this trip, and if you remember we had asked her and Sanju if they wanted to join in. They just said ‘No’. So why would she call me?” I could see him escape my gaze as he said. His answers were unjustifiable and incomplete. He knew it and we both waited in silence for him to correct.

Again the silence, so I broke in a lie. “Sanju called me while you were busy in the afternoon, she was telling me Rishu was feeling upset for something between both of you. Can you imagine Sanju calling me! It has to be something damn serious for her to ever call me!” It was true. Sanju would never call me and everybody amongst us knew it. We hated each other as much as we could stand over, though we never showed it on our faces! It was not possible to act so at client location, so we preferred silence to un-professional behaviour. I could never stand her boyish behaviour and she could never stand my outright straight-on-your-face behaviour.

Raj was too much in his drunken state to realize that I had made the most slanderous bluff myself. “I never called anybody! But now that you remind me, Sanju did call me in the afternoon sometime, but that was just general stuff.”

“See Raj, there is no point in me probing you further. I think you have decided not to share your problems with your bro. Let me remind you again that your mobile has been with me all day today in my camera bag, just because it kept falling from your bungee outfit trouser. There have been no calls till we came back for the evening trip and I don’t want to coax you anymore….” Sometimes such sentimental outbursts help the assailant suddenly give in. This scheme always works so well…I would call it the ‘Guerilla tactics’. It worked this time too!

“Aisi baat nahi hai dost…” He extended his arms to ask me a ‘Hi5’ but I was not going to respond till he sucked out all that I wanted to hear.

“Well Yeah, Rishita was the one who called up. A few days back I had a fight with her and then it’s been very less that I have interacted with her.” He had a sheepish look in his face and I could see that the whisky, which had digged in, was finally evaporating to all the revealing from his book of secrets he hadn’t opened in front of me as yet.

“So you love her, don’t you?” the straight-on-your-face person within me took over. Raj was startled by my words. Whisky drained over his stomach and the entire little hangover within him evaporated to thin air. I guess he was more embarrassed on the fact that he hid this from me.

“Tell me Raj, at least now tell me?” I tried to come out of the Guerilla tactics, now concentrating to get more useful information and set the platform for him to begin.

“I liked her a lot actually. I did. But it’s all gone now. I don’t find anything ahead, so lets not talk about it Ram”. He knew it was not the end of conversation. My silence told him that I was not going to move till he continued.

“She is, uhh.” His pain was growing on his face as he continued. “She is so much sticky on everything. She feels I fool around her for nothing.” Well she wasn’t so wrong enough on some of his behaviours and I knew it well as a friend. But this time it was about love, a different emotion, and a different relation. I had to draw him out of the friendship world with her - into the world of love.

“I don’t think you exactly answered my question. I just needed a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’ in response. Do you love her?” my mind grappling to find answers on his exact thought of it.

“I told you naa, I just like her a lot. I mean she is one whom I would always want around me, but I’m kind of…I mean I am...I have lost her and she will…. ok…let me put it this way….” He was on his own when he spoke. I could feel he was trying to admit to himself. “I think she is all ready to loose me, and I am not given a choice.”, he continued.

There was a silent period. Even as the pub carried its merry time, we both were busy. Raj was thinking how he could make me understand what’s going terribly wrong. I was trying to surmise how far had their relation been from true love.

Hoping I would speak up something he continued, “I did not mean to hide anything from you buddy, but then you know all was not going smooth anyways and we were still understanding each other so I would not make myself be a fool in front of you. You are my only true friend here, so I wanted to tell you about everything….” He halted suddenly. The phone rang and I had to pitch in with a call.

“Raj, have you ever tried to get answers to the question like what does a relation needs to sustain for long? Do you miss her only for what you liked in her? Do you think that she is ready to forget you?” I paused to bring myself to track on what I was saying and what I planned to say. This happens when you have a string of wise words to share, and you kind‘a look about on yourself to put pieces together in such a way that the listener can make sense of it. Plain enough, I was in such jeopardy as of now. And the listener was in pain, real pain.

“Ok Raj let me put it this way. When you like somebody, it means a few indications come from your heart saying that you unknowingly want to be with that special somebody. Always. On some lucky occasions, the same feeling is also going on the other end, and you get indications of the same. I assume both of you already crossed this stage…right?” I had begun my snitch.

There was a notable difference now. Raj was looking through the glass, straightening himself on the chair. I thought maybe he was trying to imagine all I said. “Yeahh…” he said, lost into recollection, even as a brief smile broke in on his appalled face and disappeared rapidly.

“Many times in such situations, we try to analyze and wonder what is it that makes you attracted to the person on the other side. These thoughts bring the exciting and positive things you find in the other person. This is the stage where you find the other person above friendship. However, we have not yet faced the perils of what we dislike in each other.” I almost tried to myself understand the truth of what I said.

“As we spend time together we have two things going on in our mind. First is the unknown apprehension every moment on how the person on the other side must be feeling about you. And secondly, you are loosing out on your natural self in trying to adjust for his/her dislikes regarding you. The relation is in a very delicate stage at this point.” I paused.

“Let me see, tell me what do you dislike in her?” I enquired as gently as possible.

“Umm...I think she has a kind of habit to over-react sometimes. You know she gets itched very easily on my behaviour with her friends.” Raj looked at me with a questioning glance. It was an indication for me to continue my analysis.

“Well I think she is right, don’t get me wrong Raj.” the straight-on-your-face person within me had taken over yet again. ”Anyways, my point is, do you think that with time she tried to become a bit subtle, and maybe you also tried to neglect her reactiveness, her over-excitement and things like that?” I added immediately.

“No Ram, she just keeps on holding my nerve on it. I am scolded for being a nerd and then cuddled over to make me think that she is still all right with it.” He frowned over as he spoke, but the wrinkles smoothed out as he ended.

“And what is it that you do in such situations?” I asked him. Along came silence and he was lost in his thoughts.

“I feel that you actually love her.” I finally decided to start from the end of what I was going to come to.

“You can’t stand her reactiveness, but you are absolutely missing her around you every moment. She is kind of pissed out on your nonchalant behaviour but is not ready to come with you for this trip. She is indicating you to think seriously about her.”

“The look of this all from the outside is that both would never be able to stand each other. But still you are missing each other absolutely well. This cannot happen without the power of love.”

“Love is not about what is shown in the movies as running around trees and singing traumatically. It is a strong bond that is strengthened by the hearts call and bred with the brains impudence to forget or neglect every bad thing about your loved one for the sake of his togetherness.”

“Love does not change with the regular fights that you have with her where you both keep telling each other how you both can’t stand that one bad thing about each other. It reaps on the inability of each of you to be able to stay separated for a moment.”

“Now the problem here is that both of you have an ocean of love for each other in your heart. However, there is no expression. You both know it, but can’t take up the challenge to express it. You both are running from each other, just because you cannot read yourselves. That explains why she was not ready to come and why you didn’t ask her again.”

“Now tell me what makes you think she has no feeling for you? Did she admit it anytime? What was that fight?” I wanted him to speak up.

However, I was unheard to him. Raj was thinking hard. He spoke up. “You are right Ram, I don’t have guts to tell her I like her more than I can imagine.”

“I adore her smile, I want to be sunk in her embrace. I want to make her feel I am always with her. I want to change myself but it will take sometime. I gave up smoking all because I didn’t want her to know I did before.” I was myself not aware he smoked ever!

“I am angry when she tries to over react on silly happenings but still I dream to fight with her ‘monkey-faced’ manager to make him realize how she has been ruined over her appraisals. I can’t withstand her crying for a moment and sulk away angrily when she cries because of me!”

“There is it Raj. That’s the root cause of the problem. You love her, but you are not brave enough to make her feel it. You run away when she feels bad about your behaviour. She needs you to be with her that time. You need to face her anger, and take her in your arms, make her feel you will try to improve. You need to set an example that you will be with her at all circumstances, even if it means that you both are sorting out a matter on your relations.” I responded instantly.

“How can she think of proceeding a serious relation with a guy who has not kept her from being insecure about her love? This must have happened enough times for her to break through and finally give over her own trust on her love for you.”

“You both are in pain…terrible pain, and you both are equally responsible for it. You need to make a beginning Raj; you really need to. As I repeat to you, I am sure man that you love her a lot.” I finally closed over.

29th December 2007 - evening 20:30 hrs GMT -->

We had returned from the European tour, but after office we had more fun ahead.

It was get-together time and all Indians had gathered over for a party. Swapnil and Sanika, unarguably the best Indian couple in our town that we knew of, were celebrating their third marriage anniversary.

“Married Life may begin together at any point and in anyways, be it from a love marriage or an arranged one. But love sustains in kindled hearts and transmits through lovely times of togetherness. Times maybe tough or it maybe times of success, but the feeling of always having your partner with you, is indeed the most comforting and encouraging part of your life. I have discovered this in every moment of my married life with Sanika.” Amidst claps from the audience, Swapnil embraced her affectionately as he ended his short speech.

Raj and Rishita came over to me after the dinner. “Nice to see now you both have your hand-in-hand and are not hiding anymore from me.” I told immediately. We all broke into laughter as Rishu gave a sheepish smile and hid behind Raj in shy embarrassment.

“Ram, I can’t help but thank you for making us understand our relation. I shall owe you for this.” Rishita broke in. I obliged in return with a smile. “Hey guys, its all about both of you. I was just reading what was written on your faces. You have nothing to owe me. Just promise to stay together.” I put in.

“We will.” they called in unison.

It was an amazing night and so I sulked over to a silent corner. Raj and Rishita were finally really happy and I was satisfied with how it happened. As the moonlight streamed through the darkness, I was lost in the clouds - I felt they formed a gigantic heart-like perforation in the sky.

“Thanks a lot Ram.” I was startled to hear Sanju speaking to me as I turned my gaze. She was silent for some time as our eyes met and my mind sunk into the reality that she was really speaking to me!

“I must owe you this time, to what you gave Rishita and Raj. This night has set their direction to love.” She finally put in and we both looked at the couple. I smiled and winked an acknowledgement as our eyes met again. We then proceeded to ponder at the clouds. I felt they were now clearing up on the canvas of the moonlit sky.

All that starts well ends well; I thought it meant maybe that this night also set the direction to my friendship with Sanju. Maybe we both silently realized that just like love, even friendship needs a bearing to each other’s falter.

- When My Heart Beats

Chirag Khara

Time Unbound Faith

2008-05-12T12:55:00.000+05:30

We are in a fast-living world; the life is running faster according to us; and most of us can’t help but agree that before we can understand the meaning of our life, we are made to run here and there for all that we desire. Here desire includes everything - even feeling for peace of mind is finally a ‘desire’.

Here I want to give a short practical example that stresses us to know more about ‘age and experience’. I think I learn a very important lesson by reminding myself of this small but true example.

Consider a very small infant; playing in a garden – and suddenly he sees a snake sleeping (resting) at one corner. The child is not terrified; he does not know that it is a dangerous snake. If you were present over there, what would you do?

Firstly maybe you would tell him,”Beta, don’t go near that dirty little thing.” And you will thus try to distract him. Now suppose the child is too engrossed and does not mind dirt around him. It does not know what a snake is – he actually just wants to “toy” with it.

Now you will try to distract your child by giving him some other attractions. Maybe you’ll tell him,”Beta, come I’ll get you chocolate, come here quickly now.” The child turns back and sees the daily offered “Éclairs” in your hand. He’s yet too interested to possess the so interesting “toy” left alone just for him at one corner of the garden.

Now you turn a bit anguished, and you retort in a sharp stern voice, “Look Beta, if you go towards that thing, I’ll not take you in the evening to the ride on that big brown ‘Horsey’ like yesterday. By now the child is in serious interest. Unfathomable power of desire has gripped him; and he wants that “toy” by all means now.

When you see nothing is working, you shout at your child, in a commanding voce, and order him immediately to stay at his place. You hurry by his side, and even as the heart-broken child is sobbing at the top of his voice, you carry him to safety.

By all means, you do not let your child touch the snake.

Here is a biggest and the finest example of truth of ignorance and experience; two most unbroken events of human being life-cycle. We know that the child is ignorant; he needs to be constantly cared with. It is not possible to tell him that the thing is not a ‘toy’ but a dangerous snake. You try all means to keep him away from it; and when you cannot succeed, you have to use force. What do I infer from this?

“Life in it its untold journey teaches us lots of lessons – a few very memorable and lovely, while a few harsh and forgettable. The child here had yet not learned the lesson of keeping safety from the animal so dangerous – he is ignorant. He has the right virtue in thought (he just wants to play with that “thing”). For him it is like all entertaining things around – a toy. However, our experience tells us that we should not allow him to do so – since it will be dangerous for the child.
Similarly we have a life of adventure; where we do NOT learn the true lessons – till we actually experience it - even if it maybe a failure sometimes. However, we must keep our thought-clock moving. A clock hands keep revolving in circular motion on the same path. But it is always moving ahead in time. We must like the clock – keep moving ahead in time; but keep revolving and reflecting our experiences and our past.

The child is just so mindless; but you are present to take his care. Similarly you must have a faith that all my good work, all my hard work will surely be paid up, because we have somebody behind us – somebody who is waiting for the right time to give you back your worth.

Now observe that by the end of the whole incident – what the child has learned. The child has learnt that he cannot get everything he wants and also that he may not be always explained why he cannot get it. But he still believes you – gives you the same good night kiss and hug at the end of day. He sleeps sumptuously, plays without any hesitation; not fearful of anything.

In a similar fashion – life may have gone hard at you and may not explain the reason behind what happened to it. It may be for good and it may be for bad. But you must still; like the good lord’s child; keep believing on what is the most important to you – it may be the almighty, or just the good person within you!

Race Of Thoughts - Negativity

2008-04-25T11:45:00.000+05:30

There have been numerous ocassions where I have made a self-analysis and found that in our general life, we get instinctive thoughts of negativity - maybe because we are too worried about wanting something and are overwhelmed by the loss in the risks associated. However, this fear evades us from being a true self. That loss is factually the biggest loss we can imagine of - to loose the true oneself.

Let me explain you in a very simple story, what is instinctive race of thoughts and their influence on negativity.

One day a laborer is traveling through a very small district, where the houses are far apart from each other. This man, after extreme hard work in the day, has left for further work in the scorching heat.

As he walks past a vast barren stretch of land; he starts feeling extremely thirsty. He continues however; but with course of time realizing that he cannot continue anywhere further. Straining his eyes to see ahead of the dusty path he notices that at the end of the lane is a huge mansion, and he gallops with new vigor. On reaching the mansion he finds another person on the top floor trying to call him over. The laborer calls out to the man, to help and give him some water if possible.

The man immediately nods and shouts back, “I’ll get you some, right away, you wait there sir! I’ll come downstairs myself to give you the water.” The laborer is all but more than pleased to find such a courteous man to help him. He wishes from inside, “Let this man live a long life God. He is a patron of selflessness, great conduct and true fellowship.” Thinking so, he settles himself on the rock beside; waiting eagerly for the man to return.

However, after 10 minutes, the man does not return, and the laborer is furious. He gazes at the skies and retorts, “Why do you create such being GOD!! Can’t they have the little courage to practice honest conduct? Why do they be so selfish, for a pail of water? Couldn’t you nurture a seed of fellowship in their minds? It really is worst that he did not flatly refuse me; instead fooled me by making false promises and then backing off. Oh God! Oh virtuous, do punish him severely for that, if at all you cannot do anything else for me.

So saying, with his heart still sobbing for the ‘lost faith’, he trudges the way ahead. But had he not moved even a few feets ahead, he suddenly hears a cry from behind, calling out. He turns behind to see the same man running towards him. But what is this…he is carrying a few sliced lemons in one hand, and a glass in the other. The man reached over him and said, “Hey man! Sorry for the delay in coming down. When I saw your face, I found you almost crestfallen from body and soul, tired maybe after that long journey. So I thought I might as well prepare some lemon juice for you and also provide you some more for your long and exhaustive journey ahead.”

The laborer…he was speechless. He did not have words to believe and express gratitude for this unknown man who had thought so good for him. Not to mention, the laborer felt like killing himself for thinking so badly about a man so kind and generous.

Now what to infer from this? Lots of time we have been in a situation where we have struggled and dedicated completely for a task/event/relation or for that matter any such entity. We feel so happy when we are at its peak, and we give all our support, blessings and good belief to the Almighty, or to that matter to ourselves, in some cases.

But when there is a delay in the oncoming fruits/opportunities/results, we start frustrating ourselves easily. We become negative in the race of thoughts.

And by the time you have known the delay was for some good, the same thoughts have crippled your power of belief in hard times. How do we counter this then?

Just look at the small child for an instance. Look how engrossed he is in his toy, even if half-dozen people around him have struck to the ‘CLIMAX’ of some super-hit action thriller Hollywood movie, forgetting anything else. The child does not care whether it is 10 people around him staring at the TV or even more than that. His focus is only on that toy and how lovely it is to play with.

Do not run or act like the crowd does or where the crowd goes! Focus on what exactly you wish to achieve. In a similar manner, get yourself embraced in the web of complete faith on the one you believe – it may be the Lord – or it maybe your SELF too. It may not help you in your cause for your well-being, but it will at least instil complete positiveness to your life - making each and every moments of your life fruitful and enjoyable.

On Being Married..!!

2008-03-08T14:21:00.000+05:30

What is Marriage?

A sacred relation built out of total understanding of being one with somebody whom you had never seen before the first time you met? A way by which we play the biggest gamble of our life to make ourselves combine into oneness with the person you learn to love?

What is marriage...is it better that what I have written above, or it sums up to something similar to what I uttered above?

I have read many books on fascinations, books that relate God to your successful leading of life. Even while we have not seen this ultimate supernatural, we believe in God! What makes us trust him, love him, care for him, dedicate ourselves to him. We havent even seen God....have we? Since we dont see him, we characterize saying that he is somewhere inside us...this is of course to give him some figure that we can realize or see.

If God is our ultimate friend, our ultimate goal, our ultimate master....lets bring him in, and pray to him in this biggest event influencing the life of those 2 lovable beings that advent to make their life not their own alone. Lets pray to God on your marriage.
On this, make a sincere and a grand prayer to God...an make sure you hear and understand all the words you repeat below, as you pray to God for your own happiness and your own being.

Prayer :

Oh Lord!
Today is a new beginning of life for me. With your blessings, do keep our way ahead green and gay. Do remain in the center of our married life, and also in the aim of our journey in life – always.

During happy times or sad days; in illness or storm of ill-fate; we remain together with trust and love for each other. Never do we happen to neglect the other or show dishonor. Never do we try to force our thoughts on other. I always respect the others thought freely and truly from my heart. I must protect him/her from any loneliness that the heart may breed.

Now we are not just travellers. In all stages of life, being together like real partners; is the cause of our life. Our love to each other; should be a medium to reach your infinite love; even if it is a small but important way of attaining you. Precisely so, we do not consider our relation a ‘worldly’ relation of rights; but a relation of friendship in the path of life’s journey. We do not depend on each other to put steps forward together; at all times in the journey of life.

If I ever become self-centered, you step in. You remind me of my loving partner to whom I have vowed to give my time, my energy, my concern and my support. Do not let us forget that marriage is a partnership that demands adjustments, acceptance, tenderness, tolerance, forgiveness and most importantly – generous doses of love.

We do not try to know each other too much – but we keep trying to find the other in the openness of lovable times. We do not forget the other – in ourselves – but actually find ourselves by knowing the other so well. Our love should not be a ‘chain of slavery’ for the other; but the 2 wings that carry the bird to new heights and farther – towards you.

We are two different individuals and will react differently to situations. Please remind us to respect the differences. Do not let us assume that our own way is better than the others. Teach us to learn and consider generous alternatives.

Oh Lord! Fill my heart with kindness and generosity. Give us immense wisdom and understanding to build a compatible and satisfying life. We do not live in a mechanical life of satisfaction in everyday chores; we always find the vastness of love in the other and let the life be a season of joy – all ever and all together.

Oh Lord! Teach us to communicate openly with each other. Let us risk being open with our deepest feelings, fears, joys and hopes. Teach us to share our successes, failures, our doubts, our dreams and our love with the other to the fullest. Let us realize each other through strong dialogue and come to appreciate our partner.

We do not engage ourselves only in the thought of happiness and security of our oneself; but we open new doors of opportunity for the other; love everybody he/she cares for. Whoever comes in the nest of our life should just get the blessings of shelter and care. A relation that is blossoming like a flower; that spreads its fragrance all around; is an important relation for humanity. Instead of being inter-mingled in each other’s destiny; we both stay together like two ‘DIYAS’ in the prayer-dish.

After long years of togetherness – when you carry away anyone of us; at that time let not the other cry in grief. Let him/her be satisfied with the memories of how sweetly did we live together; and remember that we reached the end of ladder due to each others support.

Today, on my marriage; I pray thus to you, Oh my Lord!

- Reader of this prayer

Marriage....it is like your own house. It must be constantly tended and kept in good condition.

1. We must remove the residue of selfishness, thoughtlessness, just like how we keep our house clean.
2. We must repair it with patience and understanding, just like how we together keep our house well maintained.
3. Lastly, repaint it with trust, forgiveness and love, just like we keep our house attractive and peaceful.
Surely thus, the marriage is like owning and building a home sweet home!

What more could I say…..GOD BLESS YOU...!!

- When my heart speaks,

Chirag Khara

Surmising Life at 25..!!

2008-01-19T20:15:00.000+05:30

Looking into 25 years of your life! Its such an amazing day on your 25th birthday for you! You have completed a quarter of centenary years...and what a life it has been! At the age of 25 years you have seen enough to at least engulf the truth of the life cycles in human beings. You have enough time beyond being matured now!

At the age of 25 years, you now try to reflect all that you have experienced in the general human life. And to give it an essence of being a nature's gift, lets try to relate the different stages of life with nature itself!

"Life is like the river. At its source the river is as small as the streamlet. However the water in it is crystal clear and very pure. It has huge potentials – and is ready to join other streamlets on the way. Similarly as a child; you have many hidden potentials and are filled with purity and innocence. Your actions, therefore are pure in conduct. You are ready to accept things more easily, make friends more easily, grasp things more easily. You believe in the concept of believing!

As the river starts from its source; it flows rapidly through mountains and huge terrains; gathering dust, sand and pebbles alongwith. Similarly we grow rapidly in childhood and collect all good and bad experiences along. We are breeding our nature – but the best part is that we ourselves don’t quite know about this (we are young enough to not understand that we are short tempered, or diplomatic, or lazy/crazy etc). The streamlets that joins the river add to the power flow. They are the friends and relatives we make. The larger rocks standing besides; are those special people whom we meet only a few times and who try to surmise what we would become. The water from these streamlets has helped to form the river. So also the good times and bad times with your set of friends and relatives, have brought about that nature of yours within you.

While going through the terrains; the river meets lots of hurdles. Stones and mud try to settle down the speed of its water, but the slope of these terrains and mountains help the river to carry on. This time of the journey characterizes YOUTHHOOD. While we are young and strong, we carry ourselves with full stamina and zeal against any problems that may arise. But the mud gathered due to our mistakes; tries to slow us down. The river however, knows how to deal with. It flows playfully and lets the mud accumulate on its banks, so that it can continue its journey. Similarly we tend to settle up; or ignore the consequences of our misdoings – and let it meet shores, so that we continue our youthful life.

As the river advances, it meets a plain land. It has flowed and grown from strength-to-strength. Even without a slope, the river continues to flow towards the sea. This is that part of transition in our life; where we become a responsible person. We have gained enough experience to become mature in behavior. We carry enough diverse experiences, learnings from the past, so can continue without a slope (a push from elders). This is that period of LONELINESS which everybody comes up with – that’s when the river learns its potential and also how much he needs the other river (eventually his/her life partner). In the plain region, the mud is settling; and water is clearer. As we mature, we learn from our mistakes, we become more rational and better individual, adapting to situations with our past experiences to help in better decision making. The amount of experiences gained; decides the spread area (or river bed) that the river occupies in the plain region. The wider the river, the more regions it can travel!

In its life; the river also experiences waterfalls. They are the symbols of sudden successes or failures in human life. These waterfalls erode the rocks on which they fall; creating further dents and making mud on the river bed. The waterfalls create sound and activity. These rocks here are those people who were closely affected during our success or failure. They are the people whom we may have hurt; in the ego during our success - or the people whom we have harassed out of the expectation of help and support during our failures. The dents symbolize those marks that are left while we experienced events learning the hard way out. The splatter and resounding voice of water hitting the rocks is the collections of emotions that come out and which affect our soul and its behavior with time. These dents are permanent; and every now and then; water keeps falling on the dent; which symbolizes how we always keep remembering our past.

At some stage the river passes through forests; where there is silence around. The sound of the flowing water is crystal clear and commanding. This time of the journey symbolizes the period of our supreme success. The trees and the greenery are the people around us who seem to be so good, during those success days. Your success makes you authorative and demanding in those moments. The clear clatter of water is the echo of your voice which is so demanding in the time of your success. Animals come to swim in, drink water from the river. It symbolizes those few people who have had some business association with you for sometime; or for whom you have done some favors in your life.

As you pass through; you embrace yet another river – your life partner. The other river has had its past; has gone through its share of hurdles, terrains, waterfalls and forests. When these rivers join the result is a covalent union of their flow rate - it’s their behavior in the combined sacred event of marriage. Now you face life in a covalent way, living for each other, even if you may complement in behavior and nature.

As the river is nearing the sea; it WIDENS. The water spreads and the mud settles down; as if it is never going to move. In our old age, we settle down. We cannot carry our mis-doings, ego or bad conduct any further. Small streamlets have found their source in the river. They are your children, breeding a new river further.

In the end, we meet the sea... our inevitable end. We are calm, unperturbed when we meet it. In our life as a river; we have always been accompanied with 2 characters; those about whose importance; we realize the least in our journey. That is the BANKS of the river, who are our parents and our SOUL which forms the RIVER BED. The banks of the river always follow the river. Our parents are our companions throughout the journey. When the river is overflowing, the mad rage of water affects the banks first. This symbolizes the times when a bad event or any decision made out of frustration, worsens situations in life, and more than anything or anybody else, our parents are affected the most. Still the river cannot flow or direct without the banks. The banks are like the two supports on which the river continues its journey.

The RIVER BED is always present, whether the river is dry or filled with water. It is our SOUL which remains with us always, even after our physical body leaves the ABODE of life.

Isn’t it so apt then; that life is like a river? That is why maybe after the death; the ashes of our body are put in the river GANGA. It is out of the hope that this human being, after his birth has gone through so many stages like the river; and is therefore worthwhile to live in the purity of the water of GANGA after his death.

It would thus be the best chance for him to experience REBIRTH.....the rebirth of his fine remembrance, his sweet memory in the heart of his relatives and his friends."

When your heart speaks,

- Chirag Khara

On My Birthday!

2008-01-19T19:53:00.000+05:30

Oh Lord! Truly speaking, every new dawn that you gave, is a fresh gift to me from you. For every person everyday is a new start; but Lord, today is my birthday. That’s why, today’s day should be a day of special prayer, special remembrance and special resolutions that I must make.

Today O lord! I do not ask for health, fame, honour or richness; but if I at all get it; I want the strength from you; so that I can use all these powers for everybody’s welfare.

On this day Lord! I do not wish you to give me an easy and paved path to success; nor do I wish for great luck to by-pass all problems; but if that happens; than that success should make me obliged of you; and if it does not, than that failure makes me softer at heart and stronger at mind.

People say that childhood days are the best days of life. Days of youth bring excitement and joy. But this energy, this strength, this ‘MASTI’, I do not loose in vengeance; and I do not stray away from you; that’s what I wish Oh Lord! I ask from you that great understanding so that I can strive to live as a better self and in a truthful way.

At present all I should do is earn more and more; go more into competition and go ahead of others in the race of success; prayers will have to wait till my old age – this is what I should NOT BE THINKING – is what I wish from you, oh Lord. I know this because doing prayers; or coming nearer to you is not the matter of money or wishes, it’s just the matter of heart and desire.

When we are young, we live as if we are never going to be old, but even sunset cannot be averted, and no flower can stop withering. That’s why my pride, desirous success, and all these destroyable things around me should not remain with me, I plead so. And when they do get destroyed, I become more sound, more receptive, more kind and I get the energy to make my heart more softer – this is what I wish from you.

I am grateful to you that you gave me birth in this world. I wish for a heart which loves this world for you. You happily created this wondrous nature to spread happiness; and I wish that I do not pollute it with my ignorance, my own-wishes; and I try to love all animals, plants and water and this land as a whole.

Each day, I climb one step of the ladder. Each day I come closer to you. Everyday, with some god deeds, I express you O Almighty! Who stays in my heart. I, in my small way, will make this world a better place to live in. Every moment I try to cheer myself, impress myself with good deeds, so that in the process of finding you in me - I start loving myself. Every year when today comes; I take another oath to make my next year more fruitful and I come more nearer to you.

Each birthday’s comes, and adds one more year to my life. It reminds me how quickly time is crossing, moving or rather flowing. Every moment is precious, when the inevitable end comes – I do not know. Tomorrow, I may not be there, so today I need to live to think that all my days - I begin a new life. At the same time, each day I am ready to spread my violet cloak in front of you.

Oh Lord, today on my birthday; I ask thus from you.

- Chirag Khara

कुछ नई चार पंक्तीयाँ

2007-10-23T02:16:00.000+05:30

कुछ नई चार पंक्तीयाँ

१. दिल मे गेहरा ज़ख्म आज बैठा है यू...
बस जाम-के-जाम खर्च किए जा रहे है !!
तुटे हुए सपने, घूल रहे है हर गिलास मे,
होठो पे रख प्याली, बस पिए जा रहे है..!!

२. इस दिल मे बसकर, कितने आए-गए क्या जाने,
संभलने-से पहले ही ये दिल तोड दिया जाता है..!!
यूही नही मूह मुडता उस मैखाने की तरफ़,
वहाँ हर शराबी अपनी दास्ताँ सुनाने फ़िर आता है..!!

३. इतना दर्द भरा है तेरे उस दामन का साथ..
पता होता तो हम अपनी रुह बचाके रखते..!!
तुझे भूलाने मे शराब इतनी पीनी पडेगी मुझको..
पता होता तो शराब खाना ही जमाके रखते..!!

४. तुझसे मिलते नही हम तो अच्छा होता सनम...
प्याले खर्च होते है, अब तुम्हे भूलाने के लिए!!
क्या करू के हर वक्त, गम होता भी तो नही...
अब बहाने ढूंढते है हम, महफ़िल जमाने के लिए!!

५. कुछ एसा सफ़र कटाँ, के याद बनके रेह गए..
आपका साथ यू रहा, के हम आबाद बनके रेह गए..
कुछ यादे यू बूनी, के खुशी के मैखाने मिले हमे,
ये पल यू छू गए, के जीने के बहाने मिले हमे!!!

- When my heart beats,
Chirag

कोई नही आएगा

2007-08-04T14:27:00.000+05:30

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कोई नही आएगा

दु:खी होने यू धरती पर, अब कोई नही आएगा,
सदीयाँ बीत जाएगी, पर अब पैगंबर नही आएगा ॥

अमन को नज़रो मे उतारकर, जब निकलोगे चमन से,
न कोई घना जंगल, न आबाद घर नज़र आएगा ॥

इस दुनिया से निकलकर, तू जब 'कयामत' को मिलेगा,
न होगी तुझे कप-कपी, पर न आदर कोई आएगा ॥

वो हँसता-खेलता तेरा दिल, हो जाएगा जब पत्थर,
सरीता बहेगी घर-से, पर मिलने सागर नही आएगा ॥

दु:ख आए तो बस दो-चार तेरे आंगन है अब,
तूफ़ानो से बचाने तुझे कोई लल्कार नही आएगा ॥

दोस्तो! सब मिल बैठके उसे पीलो अभी भी,
जगत का ज़हर पिने, अब कोई शंकर नही आएगा ॥

यू तेज़-तरार गज़ल लिख मत ए 'लिखने-वाले',
दुनिया है यू खोई, कि असर न कोई आएगा ॥

कर दो माफ़ इस 'लिखने वाले' को दुनियावालो,
क्या करे की उसकी लाश उठाने, कोई इश्वर नही आएगा ॥
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तेरे जाने के बाद

2007-07-20T23:59:00.000+05:30

मेरी ज़िंदगी मे यू, खालीपन-सा क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

आरज़ू खिलती थी, हर सुबह तुझे मिलने की,
आज सुबह के किरनो मे, ये चूभन-सी क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

मेरे दिल के धडकन मे, तेरा नाम सूनाई देता था,
सोचता था के बावरे मन को, दिवानापन क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

उस झील के पानी मे, तेरा चेहरा रोज़ निहारना,
अब अकेले जाना मुश्किल है, ये जकडन-सी क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

तेरे साथ बिताए हरेक पल, फ़िर जिने की लालसा है,
पर आज साँसे मेरी अपनी, बनी दुश्मन-सी क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

तू जब दिखती तो लगता, के सावन मे बरसे मोती,
आज बिखरे मोती भी पत्झड, के यू दर्पन-से क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

तेरे विश्वास के सहारे, उस अलाह के दर सर झुकाया,
उसके कुच्छे मे जाकर अब, उससे अनबन ये क्यो है?
तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

आज मौत भी गले लगाए, तो कोई गिला नही,
मुझे छोड तुझे ले गया, एसा अलाह का फ़न क्यो है?
मेरे दिल के तुकडे को तो छीन लिया तुने, ए खुदा,
बता फ़िर मेरी धडकन के बिना, मेरा जीवन ये क्यो है?

तेरे जाने के बाद, एसा जीवन ये क्यो है?

When my heart beats,
Chirag

A Trait to be sometimes Alone

2007-06-14T21:32:00.000+05:30

-: A Trait to be sometimes Alone :-

It is always good to have good friends around us. Man is social animal; maybe because he knows he alone cannot be perfect in all senses, or he alone cannot achieve everything that he wishes for. Sometimes, though we feel that we should have left things on our own; because in some critical points of life; only you would understand yourself completely.

In our life, we try to keep ourselves busy with others, we may have come to know that we committed a mistake, but we try to hide it and if it keeps following us in our conscience, we become wise enough to always keep ourselves busy with others, till the time we find an excuse to justify that false action, or till the time the memory of that false act gets washed-off to a remote place in our senses.

One day I was watching my 8 months old niece, Harshi, playing with some toy. She was loosing interest in it and I had to make sure that she does not start crying because she now wanted another one. So I gave her a steel torch; that was with me handy at that time.

As soon as I introduced it to her; with the light ON, she looked at it in wonder. She was thinking what this shiny thing was coming from it. She saw it fall on all the things around her, the sofas, the cupboard, even the TV screen. I think she did not like it, because she started finding the source of it, she started throwing the torch around, then tried to lick it, tried to swallow it, and what not. Suddenly she gave up and threw it as if it had something wrong in it. When I tried to put it in front of her, she just avoided the instrument.

I forgot the incident as I had an important phone call to attend. But after the call, I suddenly saw a surprising change.

In the meantime my niece had accidentally discovered how the switch could be used to turn the light ON and OFF. Immediately a sparkle of amazement crossed her eyes. She now wanted it from me, by hook or by crook. She knew that it had something in it; that she could control on. I put the torch on a high table and she crawled all the way across to reach it. Her excitement was overwhelming, she was ready to risk crawling and climbing through a sofa to reach the new toy.

When she was finally able to switch it on, she cried in sheer excitement. She again tried to switch it OFF, and again turned it ON. She was now paying more attention to the source of the light. She now stared at it, and then when the light hit her eye-lids she immediately switched it off. She had learnt a new thing, a new game, and a new lesson. Little did she know that there is a lesson to learn in it for me too....a lesson she taught me.

I realized that when the first time I gave her the toy, with the light ON, she did not know that the light could be switched off.

She had just to look at the light of the torch and nothing new from it. She lost interest immediately. Similarly when I have people around me who give me advices, who give me suggestions and who try to tell me what is right and wrong; have switched the light ON and given the torch to me. From their side, they have been nice to me, just like I had been nice to my niece since I wanted to entertain her by giving the lit torch.

But by looking from their perspective, I had come to wrong conclusions. Just like my niece tried to throw the torch, lick it and do everything that was utter nonsense with the torch – in a similar manner I may decide for actions which are incorrect for my perspective.

But when she did not give up and on her own learnt that the light can be switched ON and OFF, she handled it better. On the same lines - when I accept all that others had to say; but kept to my own logics and reasoning, I would be better judge.

That’s when we need to be alone sometimes. Sometimes we need to understand such small happening around us on our own. We observe them, but just ignore them. Sometimes on being alone, I am able to think more rationally. It’s easier for me to find out, accept and pledge and avoid mistakes that I may have committed in the past experiences - maybe just because I have nobody around to be ashamed from. So I would digest a hard truth about myself, more easily.

Since my niece discovered it herself, she remembered her findings very well. She tried to show me how it could be done. And when she looked at me and I made an expression of awe. She felt so happy that she started moving her hands up and down in acknowledgement, and I immediately took her in a tight embrace.

I told her, “Thanks dear for teaching this lesson, let me practice this method which you just taught me.”

चार रास्ते - A love of its own kind

2007-05-29T17:31:00.001+05:30

चार रास्ते - A love of its own kind

"सही है यार, एकदम सही कहा तुमने", अतुल बोला।

"दोस्तो...आपुन तो ऎसैच जीता है। कोई टेंशन नही लेनेका, और ये प्यार-व्यार के चक्कर मे नही पडनेका", सुनिल बोल पडा। और इस बात पर सारे इकट्ठा दोस्त एक साथ हँस पडे।

सुनिल के घर आज पार्टी है, और कही भी क्यो न हो, आज-कल सुनिल की प्यार-से दुश्मनी जाहीर-सी है - जैसे 'दिल चाहता है' के आमीर खान साहब थे।

हर कोई बातो मे मग्न थे। हर किसीके पास बहोत कुछ था केहने-सुनने को। कोई किसीको बता रहा था, कि वो कितना बदला-बदला सा लग रहा है, और कोई किसीको केह रहा था के इतने साल हो गए पर वो बिल्कुल नही बदला।

यही होता है, जब दोस्त ९-१० साल बाद 'Reunion' की पार्टी मे मिलते है।

चुटकुले बने अफ़साने, और अफ़साने बने तराने, जिनमे झुम गई वो हसीन शाम, और याद आने लगे वो पुराने दिन... जब सब खुब मस्ती किया करते थे। बाते हो रही थी सबके ज़िन्दगी की.. कुछ बता रहे थे अपने इतने साल के सफ़र के बारे मे। कुछ हसीन पलो के बारे मे हो रही थी बाते... और कुछ यादगार पलो को फ़िर-से जी रहे थे सारे।

थोडी देर मे उन हसीन पलो को रोशन बनाने, शुरू हुआ वो प्रोग्राम, जो शायद सभी 'Indian Party' का अभिन्न प्रोग्राम है...अंताक्शरी।

गाने गाए जा रहे थे, और सुनिल तो हमेशा गाना गाने मे सबसे आगे रहता। भगवान ने उसके साथ भी खुब मज़ाक किया था। गानो का दिवाना सुनिल, खुद गाते हुए थकता न था, पर उसका सुर इतना मधुर था, के सिर्फ़ उसके दोस्त उसे झेल लेते...हमेशा।

और उसके पसंदीता गाने भी क्या थे..."जाने क्यो लोग प्यार करते है","तन्हा दिल, तन्हा सफ़र","तडप तडप के इस दिल","लडकीयो से न मिलो तुम"....और बहोत लंबी लीस्ट है। और उसके सबसे पसंदीता गाने थे, "झोका हवा का आज भी, जुल्फ़े उडाता होगा ना..", "हर घडी बदल रही है रूप ज़िन्दगी.."। इन गानो के बाद हमेशा उसकी आँखे नम हो जाती थी...नजाने क्यो?

शाम धीरे-धीरे ढल रही थी, गुनगुनाते भवरे अब थोडे थक गए थे... 'ब्रेक' ज़रूरी था। और जो सारे दोस्त एक साथ गप्पे लडा रहे थे, वो थोडी देर के लिए बिखरके, एक दो-एक दो के ग्रुप बनाकर, बातो मे उलझकर, शाम के खाने का मज़ा उठाने लगे।

क्रितीका धीरे-से सुनिल के पास आई और उसके आँखो मे घूरने लगी। जब सुनिल ने उसकी तरफ़ प्रश्नचीन्ह-सा चेहरा दिया, तब जाके वो बोली।

"क्या रे सनी, तू मोपेड-से 'blazing bike' कबसे बन गया?", क्रितीका बोली। 'सनी' सुनिल का प्यारा नाम था। सब उसे यही नाम से बुलाते थे, उसके प्रोफ़ेसर भी।
"ए सनी, तुम बहोत बदल गए हो। तुम्हे पहचानना मुश्किल हो गया है।"

"क्यो? मे तो वही 'oldwalla' सनी हूँ... जो तुम्हारी लंबी चोटी खींचकर भाग जाता था। अब तुमने 'pony-tail cut' कर दिया, तो मे क्या कर सकता हूँ?", यू बोलकर सनी मुस्कुराया।

"नही रे! बात ये नही, यकीन नही आता की तुम्हारी प्यार के बारे मे सोच कुछ अलग ही हो गई है। वो सनी, जो लडकीयो की बाते, थके बिना करता था.... उसे अचानक प्यार मे बेवफ़ाई दिखने लगी? बात कुछ हज़म नही हूई दोस्त।"

"अरे वो? वो तो एसे ही... मे तो मज़ाक-मज़ाक मे यू कुछ गाने गा लेता हूँ, नगमे गुनगुना लेता हूँ।"

"हे सनी, मे तुम्हे बचपन से जानती हूँ। और हमे तो सिर्फ़ ५ साल हुए है contact छुटे हुए, पर तुम कुछ बदले-बदले लग रहे हो।"

"तुम लडकीयाँ ना, एक बार पीछे पड गए, या शक किया, तो सिर्फ़ भगवान बचा सकता है।"

"सनी बात मत घुमाओ, और जल्दी बताओ, what has brought this change in you? वो लडकीयो को college से Juhu beach के सात रास्ते बताने वाला सनी.... अचानक अकेला क्यो चलना चाहता है? तुम एसे 'anti-love campaign' चलाओ... ये कुछ मानने मे नही आता। बोलो कौन है वो, जिसने तुम्हे इतना परेशान किया, सिर्फ़ नाम बताओ और मे उसकी खबर लेती हूँ।"

"हे क्रीटस! इतना समझलो, अपुन कभी ये प्यार-व्यार के चक्कर मे नही पडता, thats not my world, बोलगा तो...!!" 'क्रीटस' क्रितीका का प्यारा नाम था।

"ए सनी! देखो मे ये मानने को तयार नही की हमे प्यार नही होता। और तुम्हे न हो...ये तो एकदम impossible है। और वैसे भी मेरे हिसाब से प्यार की दो मंज़िल है, एक जिसमे हम अपने प्यार को पा लेते है, और दुसरा जिसमे हम अपने प्यार को नही पा सकते।"

"नही क्रीट्स, एसा नही। ये मत कहना की प्यार मे दो राहे है। हर कहानी की यही दो मंज़िले नही। प्यार के रास्ते मे, चार राहे होती है।"

"अच्छा।?। तो हमे भी बताओ ये कौन-सी राहे है?", अपने हँसी को 'control' करते हुए क्रितीका बोली। क्या करे...सुनिल को समझदारी भरी बाते करते हुए सुना नही था... इसलिए शायद हँस पडी।

"ठीक है, तो सुनो! पहली राह वो है, जिसमे तुम्हारा प्यार जीता है, खिलखिलाता है, हँसता है, खेलता है... एक प्यार जो दोनो तरफ़-से पुरा है। उस प्यार के रास्ते मे खुशी है, और जिन्दगी भर साथ निभाने का वादा है, जज्बा है।"
"फ़िर एक राह एसी भी है, जिसमे तुम्हारा प्यार अधुरा रह जाता है, क्योंकि वो दुसरी तरफ़-से अधुरा है। शायद वो प्यार कभी प्यार नही बन सकता, या शायद वो प्यार अभी एक-दुजे को ज़ाहीर भी नही है... और इसलिए अब तक वो अधुरा है।"
"तीसरी राह कुछ एसी भी होती है, जहाँ लोग अभी प्यार को समझ नही पा रहे। वो प्यार को एक जकडन की तरह समझते है। वो अपने प्यार का एहसास नही कर रहे, क्योंकि शायद उनके सामने किसी और का प्यार अधुरा रह गया था। तात्पर्य ये... की अब तक उनकी प्यार से मुलाकात नही हुई।"

"Interesting Philosophy! तुम एकदम उमदा बोलने लगे हो सनी! एक बूक लिख डालो सनी", ये बोलकर क्रितीका फ़िरसे हँस पडी।
"Well ये तीन रास्तो का तो मुझे पता है, अब ये चौथा रास्ता कौन-सा है जनाब, जिसका मुझे पता नही? मे भी तो जानू, और अगर पसंद आए, तो मे उसपे अमल भी कर लूँगी।"

"नही क्रीटस! भगवान न करे कभी तुम्हे उस राह मे चलना पडे", सुनिल उग्र होके बोल पडा।

"ठीक है, ठीक है, माफ़ी मांगती हूँ कुछ भी बक गई, पर उस राह का एक tour तो दो। मुझे बताओ तो सही आखिर उस राह की क्या खास बात है?"

"क्रीटस, प्यार तब पुरा होता है, जब वो दोनो तरफ़ ज़ाहीर हो! पर कभी-कबार ज़िन्दगी मे प्यार एक ऐसी पहेली बन जाती है, कि जिसका जवाब हम ज़िन्दगी भर नही ढूँढ पाते। कभी-कभी कुछ ऐसा हो जाता है, के हम वक्त के आगे अपना सर झुका देते है।"

"एक minute सनी। मे समझ गई तुम क्या केह रहे हो। शायद तुम उन लोगो की बात कर रहे हो, जिनके लिए प्यार एक मज़ाक है, वो प्यार जो उसे हर पाँच लडकीयों मे से एक के साथ हो जाता है। या उन लोगो के लिए, जो प्यार करते तो है, पर डरते है, और ज़माने के सामने झुक जाते है। पर दोस्त, वैसे प्यार को मे प्यार नही कहती। मेरे हिसाबे से तो वो प्यार ही नही होता।"

"नही क्रीटस, जो तुम सोच रही थी, मेरा वैसा मतलब नही था।"

"तो? फ़िर क्या कहना चाहते हो तुम?"

"मे उस पागलपन की बात नही कर रहा था। प्यार की परिव्याख्या तभी पुरी होती है, जब वो दोनो दिलो को मिला लेता है। और दोनो दिल तभी मिलते है, जब वो एक दूसरे का नाम लेके धडकना सिख जाए। और यहींपर.... कभी-कभी वक्त जीत जाता है।"

"यहीं कभी-कबार किसी एक दिल को 'ज़िन्दगी' का साथ नही मिलता। कुछ जाहीर करने से पहले जब ज़िन्दगी किसी एक का साथ छोड दे... तब दूसरा दिल ज़िन्दगी भर एक भवर मे फ़स जाता है। उसे पता नही उसने प्यार खोया है... या पाया है। उसे पता नही की उसका प्यार ज़िन्दा है, या वो कभी था ही नही। उसे पता नही, की उसका प्यार पुरा है...या अधुरा।"

"प्यार अमर है, पर हम इन्सान है। हम प्यार कर सकते है, पर ज़िन्दगी और वक्त पर हमारा कोई बस नही। कुछ एसे लोग होते है जो वक्त, ज़िन्दगी और दिल के इस सबसे बडे सवाल की गुथ्थी मे हमेशा भटकते रहते है। न वो प्यार मे जी सकते है, और न प्यार मे मर सकते है।"
"वो यही जताते है, कि उन्हें प्यार नही। क्योंकि शायद उन्हें प्यार कभी मिलेगा ही नही। वो प्यार मे हँस सकते है, वो प्यार मे रो सकते है.... क्योंकि उन्हें पता नही की उनका प्यार पुरा है, या अधुरा। उन्हें प्यार करने की हिम्मत ही नही है। क्योंकि उनका प्यार आने के पहले ही चला गया... जीने के पहले ही अमर हो गया। पर वो जाते-जाते भी उस दिल के लिए इतने सवाल छोड गया, कि वो ज़िन्दगी-भर कभी प्यार नही कर सकता।"

शाम ढलने को थी। सारे दोस्त अब धीरे-धीरे वापीस चल रहे थे। क्रितीका भी चली गई, उसकी आँखो मे इतने सवाल दिख रहे थे.... पर उनका जवाब सुनिल-से उस दिन मिलना मुश्किल था। वो तो सोच रही थी, शायद उसके जवाब वो फ़िर-से सुनिल से ले पाएगी भी या नही, ये उसको नही पता।

रात को जब क्रितीका ने "Good nite SMS" भेजा तब एक छोटा-सा सवाल पुछा। "ए सनी, फ़िर पुछ रही हूँ... बता कौन थी वो, जिसने मेरे 'लाडूडो'(Gujju word for meaning 'dear') को एसा दर्द दिया है?"

जवाब मे सनी क्या लिखता.... बस एक चार-पंक्ती लिख डाली....

"खुशनसीब है वो.. जिसे मिला अपना प्यार,

बदनसीब है वो.. जिसे मिले बेवफ़ाई,

जो न नसीब को.. न दिल को दोश दे पाया,

सिर्फ़ उसे रास आती है...ये तन्हाई.." ॥२॥

Good night my dear friend and sweet dreams...!!

रात हो गई है। अंधेरा छाया है। सुनिल ने radio FM लगाया...और गाना आ रहा था।

"चिट्ठी न कोई संदेस, जाने वो कौन-सा देस..जहाँ तुम चले गए...!!"

मेरे दिल की परछाई... मेरी शायरी

2007-05-17T15:09:00.000+05:30

मेरे दिल की परछाई... मेरी शायरी

दिल-से निकले कुछ एसे वाकिए...
ढल गए अफ़्सानो के तारे बनकर..
खोए अरमानो के सेज़ पर बनी शायरी..
निकले वो मेरे दर्द के किलकारे बनकर..॥

कुछ एसे ही शेर-ओ-शायरी के मेरे अपने नगमे...
पेश-ए-खिदमत है आपके लिए..

----------------------------------------------
Bewafaai Shayari.....

१. बहोत है एसे सफ़ेद-पोश दुनिया मे..
जो पड जाते है, 'रेशमी जुल्फ़ो' के जाल मे..
एसे किस्से मिल जाएंगे बहोत ज़माने मे...
जो सदियो की खुशीयाँ खो देते है मैखाने मे..॥

२. मिले नही तुम हमसफ़र, हो गए हम अकेले..
राहगुज़र थे तुम, अब कहाँ चले गए..??
मेरी कश्टी को तो दिखा था बस तुम्ही एक किनारा...
कहा गई तू... मेरे तिनके का सहारा...॥

३. तन्हाई मे यू न तडपा, तुमसे मिलने से पहले..
अब तन्हाई से डरता हूँ तुमसे मिलने के बाद..
रुसवाई सौ झेली, तुमसे मिलने से पहले...
बेवफ़ाई मे मर रहा हूँ तुमसे मिलने के बाद..॥

४. तुमसे क्या छूपाऊ ए दुनियावालो..!!
तुमसे कहा छुपा है मेरा कोई गम..
दिल के आँसू, शायरी मे बयाँ होते है...
कर नही पाता जो मे मेरी आँखे नम..॥

५. हमसे वास्ता न रखो तुम तो अच्छा..
हमे समझने के लिए कई पत्थर काँटने पडेंगे...
बहोत-से दर्द कैद कर रखे है इस सीने मे..
आपको रखू इसमे...तो उन्हे बाटने पडेंगे..॥

६. ज़ाहीर है दुनिया को, मेरे गम के तराने..
दिल का ज़ख्म मेरा.. बनता है ईक फ़साना..
शब्दो मे होते है बयान ये किस्से मेरे जब भी..
वाह-वाह तो करता है..पर हँस देता है ज़माना..॥

७. शराबी से न पुछो, मैखाने का रास्ता..
नशे मे कौन शराबी रास्ता दिखा सका है..
सबसे किमती जो दिल तुट गया हो जिसका..
मैखाना कौन-सा है इसमे उसको क्या रखा है...॥
---------------------------------------
Funny Shayari.....

१. हमेशा तो होता है जाम मेरे लबो के साथ..
अकेलापन कहा महसूस होता है उस नशे के बाद..
बूनते है तुम्हारी याद मे ईक पल भी जब हम..
घोलके भूलाते है उसे सोडा या water के साथ..॥

२. खयालो की रोशनी मे, जब तुम नज़र आते हो..
खुदा कसम इस दिल मे एसा, तीर चलाते हो..
हर पल गिनती मे बिताते है, क्या खोया क्या कुछ पाया..
जब तुम मुझे अपने साथ 'shopping' को लाती हो...॥

३. हर पल, पर वक्त..तुझपे एक शायरी..
तुम्हे याद कर-करके लिखता हूँ...
क्या करू के 'घालीब' नमूनो पे न लिखता था..
कसर उसकी आज पूरी मे कर रहा हूँ...॥
-------------------------------------

Dosti Shayari.....

१. रिश्तो की कैसी जाल बूनी है खुदा ने..
सोच रहे थे इस भवर मे, क्या खोया, क्या पाया..
जिस रिश्ते मे सिर्फ़ पाना लिखा था खुदा ने..
ऐसे दोस्त को सोचा..और तुम्हारा नाम याद आया..॥

२. बस आपकी दुआ है, के लिख लेते है अक्शर दो-चार..
कोई नही सही, एक आप तो हो समझदार..
बस आपकी दोस्ती का हमे था इन्तज़ार..
अब लगता है पूरी हुई, रिशतो की बहार...॥

३. आपके मुकाबले..हम तो है शायर छोटे-से...
आपकी जनाब, क्या बात की जाए..
इन्सान भले पहोच गया बादल के उस पार..
सुरज पे तो लंबी, झाँकी भी न रख पाए..॥

४. क्या कहानी है वो, जो अक्शरो मे ढल जाए..
कुछ अन्कही बाते..शब्दो मे केह जाए...
फ़साने तो बहोत सुन लेते है ज़िन्दगी मे...
बाते लिख दो ऐसी, जो इस दिल मे बस जाए...॥
-------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to my friends 'Sudz' and 'Ashu' who have kept my passion for shayari living...And also for bearing with the ones i share with them. :)

With Regards,

Chirag/Chiru/Chirkut/Chintal/Chiragya

अभी आ नही सकता..

2007-05-03T14:52:00.000+05:30

अभी आ नही सकता..

कुछ बाते दिल की, मे बतला नही सकता,
कुछ आँसू एसे है, जिन्हे बहा नही सकता..

किसीको अपने दिल के घाव, बता नही सकता,
कुछ एसी बेडीयाँ है, जिन्हे खनका नही सकता..

आशाओ की कलियो को, खिला नही सकता,
जी नही सकता.. और मर नही सकता..

सुहाने मौसम मे भी, जी बेहला नही सकता,
हज़ारो रंग हो पर, उनमे रंग नही सकता..

नजाने अंजाने कब एक बात समझा गया कोई,
मे समझता तो हूँ.. शब्दो मे बयाँ नही कर सकता..

न रोने की कसम पे कसम, दे रहा है वो मुझे,
निकलते रेहते है आँसू, उन्हे रोक नही सकता..

निरंतर पिलाता है कोई, और मे पिए जाता हूँ,
पर जाम से जाम, टकरा नही सकता..

नही पता ये निर्बलता है, या है ये पर्वशता,
कुछ पिए बिना रंग मे, आ भी तो नही सकता..

उपर से मेरी मुसीबत, है मेरी ये खुद्दारी,
दुवाए तो है होटो पर, हाथ बढा नही सकता..

जीवन हो या मौत हो, जो आए मुझे बुलाने,
केह दो मे नशे मे हूँ.. अभी आ नही सकता..

यारा.. केह दो मे नशे मे हूँ.. अभी आ नही सकता..

My poem "When I sat down and...."

2007-03-15T14:36:00.000+05:30

Do tell me what do you think about this?
-----------------------------------------------
WHEN I SIT DOWN AND......

When I sit down and imagine,
The pre-sentiment of my own thoughts,
That bleeds pleasure and chagrin,
And my nuances of all sorts.

When I sit down and look back,
To witness miracles of my own rediscovery,
Within my soul and my past days,
Laid a tranquilled man and a forgotten history.

When I sit down, try and feel,
The vibrations of hypnotic sensations,
The metamorphosis of the being in me...
Disposing to world of self-creation..!!

When I sit down and question,
To myself on the transient masters,
That lay in the wealth of experiences,
And in the jinx of success and failures.

When I sit down and re-approach,
How to fag out, my false perceptions,
And accept the reality, so trait so sting...
To the nourished courtliness of perfection.

When I sat down, I understood,
The adventure to caress our desire,
The importance to accustom to struggle,
The brave heart to punish our interior.

When I sat down, I finally surmised,
To STAND UP in life and look up strong,
Supply rich doses of discipline to your self-interest,
And a motivated mind, to stay life-long.

- When my heart beats,
Chirag Khara
-----------------------------------------------

A Blog Opening Ceremony

2007-02-27T16:43:00.000+05:30

जानन्ति केचिन्न तु कर्तुमीशा:
कर्तुं क्षमा ये न च ते विदन्ति ।
जानन्ति तत्वं प्रभवन्ति कर्तुं..
ते केऽपि लोके विरला भवन्ति...॥

अर्थात्

"Few are the men, who have the privilege to possess right knowledge.

Yet they happen, to remain incapable forever to act in a righteous manner.

While there are others who are capable of action, but deprived from the right knowledge and right vision.

Rarest of all are those who are right in both their knowledge and their conduct too."

“Diya Tale Andhera” – the meaning of these words are "Just below the lantern - lies the darkness". The lantern spreads light all around it. But just below that same lantern, lies total darkness. Where is this “Diya Tale Andhera” in us?

If you were to loose all your teeth you would surely realize of their loss every moment. But do we keep realize their presence every moment.In a similar manner, a fish behaves normally when it is in water. Only when you try to remove it; does it start trembling and get agitated for water and life. We always realize the importance of a thing when we are deprived of it.

In the normal sense, we do not understand the darkness that is dwelling within us – the “Diya Tale Andhera” within us. Only when you will actually begin to face yourself – understand to dare and confess to yourself the absence of rationality in the conduct; that is when you will actually find it in you – the “Diya Tale Andhera” within you!!

When the eyes are closed; even the floodlights cannot bring life to your vision. So dare to see yourself and dare to speak the worst of your conducts to yourself. Once you complete this step, the rationality of thought will bring out the soft being inside you. You are a human being – the most caring animal in this world.

That is why some imperfect people like me who is seeking perfection - starts a blog and wishes that all of his closest friends who have affected his life a lot - give their valuable suggestions, critics and discuss with him - to find the "Diya Tale Andhera" and eradicate it.

Welcome aboard my dear friends...!!

Luv,

Chirag Khara