It Happened Again on a Valentine!

“I’m getting late for the flight, will you mind dropping me over to the airport before you leave for your office affairs? I would like to make sure I am in time before the Australian delegates meet up at the airport.” her voice was deep, slightly unpleasant and Rajni was crying from within.

“Give me five minutes will you? The flight is still five hours from take-off; you shouldn’t be too late I guess.” Though Sunder, her husband, was calm and collective he could be lazy on a weekend day.

“I am not surprised you wouldn’t be too bothered for it. But I think I better reach on my own, I would need to start practicing on this sooner than I had imagined.” She stopped making the sofa and turned to look at him. He was stung by her words; their eyes met. The silence was killing.

It’s always bitter after a five year marriage is about to be shattered. All that was happening was not in the control of either of them, or that is what both of them assumed. Those two souls, who waited for surprise gifts and romantic letters all the time in the last seven years of their married life, were eventually preparing to end their lovely times. Last night was the night when they both screamed, shrieked, paused, pondered, stared with defying eyes and punches of belligerent words that they would never imagine they would ever say to each other. Last night was just another event, one which any other perfectly harmonical beings could have, but which a couple should never go through.

***********
“I can’t think of anybody apart from you! From the last two years it is only been you that I have thought about, it is only you whom I want all my life. Will you marry me Rajji?” It was Fourteenth February, a Valentine’s day when Sunder proposed Rajni. He had dated her only twice before he proposed her, but they knew each other for more than two years now.

The reflection of the dim colourful lights danced on the calm flowing water near the wonderful still lake of the Afrin Resort in Lonavala, a beautiful hill station in India. Her innocent yet naughty smile of affection had said it all. He carved the stunning ring in her slender fingers as she drove her hands forward in gleeful acceptance. That moment was the most relishing one for him. They danced on the solemn music with their hands together; nothing was moving. Everything around seemed to be halted – time was still and love was in the air. Sunder was lost in the gentle flailing movements of her beautiful flowing hairs. Their world was finally complete and it was visible to them both crystal clear in each others eyes. When he kissed her a good bye that day; a storm was brewing within both of them; a storm of untold happiness and sudden realization that the deepest desires of their heart were finally their own till eternity.

***********
“The airports of Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and many other metropolises in India are under red alert. Security has been sounded for possible threats of other hijack incidents en-route the APAC destinations. Officials fear they may need to prepare for a 9/11 situation. The Qantas Airways Flight Q123 has confirmed the hijack of the plane and officials are discussing the matter with Australian Freight agencies.” For more updates do not go away we’ll come back after a short commercial break.

“CRASH!!” The cup of coffee slipped from Sunder’s hands without notice. He desperately looked for the remote and tried to switch over to other news channels. NDTV news read the BREAKING NEWS as “confirmed reports have finally arrived that the Qantas Airways Flight QA123 heading from the Kingsfordsmith airport Sydney to Chhatrapati Shivaji terminals Mumbai has been hijacked by unknown assailants. This happened on…” the words were lost as his ears failed to pick up any further. He was shocked beyond senses.”

Desperate impulse drove him to call his parents and tell them about the incident. Rajni was travelling in the same flight QA123, on her way back from the project work on the Australian trip.

***********
“ATTENTION!!SWOSH!!! Nobody moves from your seat! We will not harm anybody unless you act smart! All of you be aware that this plane is being directed to an unknown destination. The pilots are under our control and everyone like me doesn’t care for our lives. If anything silly is done, we will park this plane directly on hell!” Men of the size of maritime bandits all covered with black robes stood on vantage points at the doorways of the plane.

It took 10 minutes before the severity of the problem sunk into Rajni. She was sweating all over, afraid to even move her hands and wipe the sweat forming on her slender neck and palms. One of the terrorists posted right above her aisle seat was sending instructions as loudly as he possibly could, deafening any senses left in her. When silence fell, she could hear her heartbeats prominently. All eyes hovered around frightening faces of each other, everybody vary of any unknown attack that could possibly be the end of their lives. As time flew every passenger in the plane was sure that they had passed over India and they were now heading to an unknown new destination, possibly somewhere in the Gulf. Nobody knew what fate would bring for them.

Rajni turned her gaze slowly to the window of the aeroplane. She had to calm her growing nervousness. News had come that somebody from the Business Class had developed a trauma and succumbed to shock and apprehension. As she looked out, her mind switched to a scene of white cotton like clouds in the midst of which the plane flew - the plane in which all the travellers were expecting their last journey.

As a tiny tear rolled over her eyes, she saw a huge hole forming into a massive ball of cloud cover. As she blinked her eyes to see clearly, she saw Sunder running towards her trying to hold her arms and get her out of the plane. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if in a sense of relief to believe her dream had come true. Even as they all lay crouched up on their seats, Rajni tried to chase her mind away from him; but it was only Sunder whom she could see out there, far-off in the mountains steadily coming closer to her, trying every breath of his own life to save her. He was nowhere, yet everywhere.

***********
The news had brought panic in both the countries. Envoys from both the countries were making statements to news channels and the Aviation and Army officials were busy communicating with the terrorist networks that could have allegedly done this. Relatives of all those who were travelling in the plane were out at the Mumbai terminals screaming in anguish and crying their heart out to the airport authority to do something! Human life is so precious to some human and so worthless to some others.

Sunder was at the airport within two hours from the time they first broadcasted the incident. Everybody he knew from the government officials and agencies were contacted. All he could hear was a kind assurance from the other side, while they asked him to keep his cool and stay connected. He was burning from within. Every moment he heard her call him out. He saw her calling him out while driving on the way back to the airport from the Australian counsellate office.

GPS tracking machines were tracking the planes for the good of thousands of officials from all around the world, all not knowing what is going to happen with the plane. After more than 3 hours of its journey offset from the regular flight course, everybody was concerned if the plane did carry as much extra fuel to carry a further distance. When you feel death is as close as this, any proportion of optimism cannot amount you from thinking about the worse to come. The silence inside the plane was killing, to each of them time seemed to have stopped passing by. Slowly but steadily, all aboard the flight could see the corpse of 100 more people lying around them. A miracle was necessary.

***********
“Have you guys ever tumbled yourselves into a swimming pool? Well if you haven’t had that fun, here is a chance for all of you to do so. The only difference is that my altitude dial here reads 16,000 metres above the sea and the swimming pool will have no shores from where we will all nose-dive into the ocean! So grab your life jackets, wear your oxygen masks and be ready to live the moments before your death.” The pilot smirked heavily in the most disgusting manner and laughter ensued from maniacs all around the frightened travellers.

“Its my first attempt to flying a plane down, so all the small lot of us who would still be alive, don’t worry we have rescues boats waiting not far away.” he continued roughly. Everybody was shell-shocked. Nevertheless the instructions were followed by all. Since the plane was not so crowded, all the occupants had been asked to shift over to the end of the plane near its tail, possibly to avoid them from being near to the pilots.

None of the two cockpit goons had any training in actual landing, except the Pilot Simulator software’s they had played around with. These men are born to kill or get killed. Their essence to life is different from human. The sophisticated Boeing 747 was equipped with the Instrument Flight Rules chart, but all they knew was the visual reference of the satellite pictures that they drew and copied on their map sheets. The Instrument Landing System was severely damaged while trying to overpower the actual pilots but the Visual Gliding Slope Indicator was working.

While at cruise altitude, the pilots had strewn the engines for power too much which led the turbine blades to break. Consequently three of the four engines had stopped working. The plane backup batteries were fast draining out of power supply to the hydraulics and the control systems due to the engine failure.

The failure meant they could no longer raise their height but the descent was very necessary to be a controlled one. Rajni saw from the seat that they were nearing a shore near the horizon, nobody knew where it was, but it certainly was a lonesome island. There was no need of dumping fuel to avoid fuselage tank blasts; the tanks were exhausted from the extra long journey and the plane was gliding and gathering speed on its way down.

As the plane gathered speed, it was necessary to maintain the pressure on the slats of the wings to decrease the overall camber and provide the balance lift against the drag coming from the resistance of the falling aircraft under the influence of gravity. Suddenly the flaps on the wings lost control and the lift-off using the slats was lost. The plane tilted over sharply to the left and the rudder lost control over the rotation due to increased air pressure on its disoriented side. The plane was now nose-diving into the ocean, unless…

The sudden fall caused the pilots to hurtle directly on the front pane of the planes cockpit controls and one of them scrambled over, trying to grip over anything possible. For a moment he couldn’t see any part of the plane but just the vast ocean of water right in front ready to embrace him. The glass shudder was developing cracks due to the heat generated from the friction he could clearly see the plane falling over, while he was still strung on the leg strap of the aero-guiding equipments they wore. Nothing happened for a few seconds.

The other pilot accidentally fell over the elevator control and as the plane jolted in the attempt to nose up itself, both of them held over the landing steers applying all the pressure they could on the brake pedal, to make the tilt back complete.

When the plane crashed into the water, the heightened gravitational pull, and the tilt over the normal had grazed off much of the speed and the plane travelled the last few seconds at 70 knots before hitting the water. When it hit nose down, the jolt made everybody numb. When it tunnelled into the water, it lost speed quickly and rapidly rose back to the surface nose up. The main fuselage was all exhausted and no fire break-up could damage any power circuits in the plane interior. The plane tails had burst into fire as they approached water and as they greeted it, the fire was put out on its own before it could spread.

The escape was miraculous, but few of them had disoriented themselves in the fallout. A few being unable to swim and were in panic, a few of them were desperately trying to stay afloat on the half floating plane. Many of them clung to the over-wing of the planes as the front exits and emergency get-offs were burst open. People who were scarcely half-alive from the shock and who could swim were taking on the helpless people to the uppermost part of the wings, trying to pray the plane remains afloat long enough. The shoreline was visible and so were the hopes of the innocent people. Two speed boats guiding a medium carrier liner appeared onto the scene within few minutes; the terrorists had finally done all that they could with such a huge risk element. Six people died in the total encounter and the desperately downcast air hostess was asked to confirm the news on an unknown frequency transmit from the shore. Nobody knew who the six people were but that was not important at the moment for the two governments.

Rajni was still alive, breathing heavily but her blood veins were filled with saline water from the heavy sea. She knew swimming. But nobody is trained to fight the waves of an ocean in the swimming pool lessons. Her body was choked and sore. In half an hour the news was confirmed all over the world that the terrorists had taken the help of the Somalia pirates to land the plane in water near an unknown island off the coast! Their demands were unknown and so was the state of every passenger on the plane.

***********
Three days had passed and Sunder ate scarcely. Nothing was as disturbing as the fact that reporters, government or even the police and navy had no information to give. Relatives of all those who were abducted had made their homes in the airport emergency accommodation wards. Be it a Hindu, a Muslim, a Sikh, a Christian or any other religion that the world has known; everybody was praying. Religion and its barriers are not for the common man. The common man knows only that they have the independence to live the way they can and must cause the least hindrance to all around them. Some people had their parents aboard the Australian Airliner; some had their son/daughter coming back for a vacation from their studies abroad. Some company representatives had Australian delegates arriving in the airlines. Everybody knew that six of the total one hundred and forty three passengers are no more and seventeen had been severely injured. Who were they, nobody knew.

“If there is anything in this world that I can ask for today or anytime ahead for the rest of my life; I beg you Oh Lord! I want my Rajni back!” Sunder was praying to god every moment. Nothing else was visible to him; he did not care to call up at his office and let know what was going in his mind. “Tring! Tring!” he looked at his mobile and saw the lawyer calling him up. He cut the call instinctively and a chill ran down his spine and he sank back on the chair behind him.

“I don’t know how you would ever agree for it after all that has happened. But Rajni, I cannot dream to live a single day without you. My heart still beats only for you and I can do anything but be separated from you even for a moment. I love you, I want you. I want to hug you and stay close to you all my life.” He pictured himself saying this to her, he was going to do it. “Divorce is just out of question.” He would tell this to her.

“I am sorry Sunder, life does not always give a second chance.” Rajni would say this and walk away. He woke up from the dream and saw tear drops from his eyes. A hazed figure of Rajni came right in front of him and slowly and steadily…. faded away in the murky background of the empty airport departures.

***********
It was the twelfth day now. They were trapped somewhere in the jungles of Somalia in a distant town near Merca not far from the shoreline city of Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia. Nobody knew what would happen. The twelve days seemed like twelve years for each of them. All were stoned.

If we ever believed that silence can speak, this was the time when all the remaining alive 125 passengers would know it was true. Nobody was talking but a thousand words were spoken in the falling eyes and the dissembled movements of everybody. In a single room lay all of them, exhausted from even praying for their freedom now. And suddenly on the thirteenth day something happened. Everybody was ushered in their sorry state to an unknown set of trampers that rode them towards the shore lines. That afternoon a huge Indian ship arrived at the international borders to grab the abandoned ship wreck in which the pirates had carted all the passengers. Rajni was alive, but for her and for all of them medical attention was the prime necessity.

***********
He had not slept well for many days now, but today he was feeling fresh like a lilac. He was getting impatient like the honey bee. The ship was about to arrive and all the relatives of the released prisoners were waiting at the docks. As the ship arrived tears welled in everybody’s eyes.

When he first caught a glance of her, his heart missed a beat. She was looking out all over for somebody, while being guided by one of the Coast Guard patrolman. The medical team had shortly arrived and everybody was being directed to meet their relatives directly on the hospital wards. When she finally locked him into view the medical team practitioners dragged them all to the waiting ambulances.

The first gaze was expressionless. Both stared at each other almost in relieved disbelief that their prayers were answered. No matter of activities around could disturb their gaze over each other. When Sunder tried reaching out to her the authorities stopped him. Medication for each and every of the passengers was the most important.

The drive from the dock to the hospital was a crazy one, but Sunder could only meet her after 5:00 pm. When he could finally venture it to meet her, she was all clean and fresh, resting on the bed and looking at the ceiling blankly. As he opened the door she turned her eyes and saw him coming in. Their eyes were locked for a long time to each other. Their hands met each other and he settled next to her. She had weakened considerably, but she was next to him and that was more than important for him. He caressed her fingers and kissed her palm gently and before he knew tears welled from his eyes. Nothing was spoken and yet they both shared the grief of so many days of turmoil and separation from each other.

In a matter of a few days of separation, both of them discovered how incomplete they were without each other. This day happened to be the Fourteenth of February, a Valentine’s Day. The seventh Valentine’s day and indeed more memorable than anyone that they had spent together or would spend together all their life.

The reflection of the dim light in the hospital room fell on the glass of water next to her bed where she lay. As she was lost watching the glass, memoirs of the last few adventurous days she went through flashed by in her mind. And when Sunder re-entered the room after a brief interval of discussions with the doctor, he held the same stunning ring in front of Rajni and said, “It was exactly seven years from now that this ring was carved for the first time in your beautiful fingers. It is all yours and can never be separated from you. Can you accept the ring back and also the jerk that parcelled this one for you for a lifetime?” And once again, she smiled in gleeful acceptance. We all are jerks aren't we?

*********** When my Heart Beats,
- Chirag Khara

When I Lost Twice

“Ummmmmmm.... Mom, close them again please.” I shifted course on my bed, as the morning light shot on my eyes while the curtains moved away, and out I woke sighing and cribbing, just like those good ol’childhood days. It is difficult to get to sleep on your childhood bed for long, especially when you go to the age of being an earning and coming-to-responsible man. Life, dreams, endeavours, adventure and opportunities drive you away from those sweet moments of freedom, which were so much a part of your daily life as a child.

“Get up my son. Its already too late now and I have given you plenty of time to come out of your 'Jet-lags' and 'wonderful dreams with beautiful air-hostesses'. So get ready and be quick.”

“Oh my dear God, my mom knows me more than anybody. From all that I aspire, to all that I dream, she knows it all! Let me admit one thing, these mom's are your best creations buddy.” I pointed to nowhere and cuddled into my mom's arms.

“Enough lad, don't try to sugar me and buy more sleeping time...enough of your sleep. Stop calling God a buddy and get ready. I want to know how you’ve been all the time in UK?”

It was a struggling two-years time for me in UK, studying from the Leeds University, trying to put head together on a medical Masters in Statistical Epidemiology. It is said that life takes you to places and people, and yes when its on international destinations, you do study a lot more than you normally would. From preparing for the courses, to financial planning for my dreams, all was done and dusted with my loving parents help, and now it was my payback time. Returning back to home today, after so much time made India feel really special.

“Well Mom, not much updates from the last call I made you. My friends threw me a big farewell party and I have lots of stuff got for all of you.” I smuggled a piece of 'Naan-khatai' from my dad's breakfast dish, but she snapped it out of my fingers.

“You boys would never learn to talk and share. Get yourself freshened up first. Is 'serious working' somewhere in your timelines or you want to spend the rest of your lives in those Mc Donald restaurants only!” She muttered and went into her kitchen. I know my mom is proud of me. She may seem harsh and strict, but she loves me more than anybody, so much so that she never liked me having to work side-jobs and earn to contribute for my fees in the university.

Around afternoon time, the doorbell rang and rang repeatedly, the shrill voice filled up the whole house, and my mom almost knocked out her dishes as she ran out to open the door. “What is this Nidhu? Give us some time to at least open it!”

Nidhi is my elder sister, but more importantly my dearest friend. She knows all my secrets, big or small. And that’s how it is the other way round as well. It was a pact you could say...that pact which all brother-sister relation binds inherently.

She ran in, looked at me and exclaimed, “There you see, I told you naa mom, he must have grown thin by now. You have put down weight my brother. How are you dear?” Tears of joy glistened from her eyes instantaneously.

Tarun, my brother-in-law entered next and started laughing almost immediately. “There you go, here come the women H2O's.” All burst laughing even as we shook hands and he embraced me affectionately. Soon enough we were all in a get-together, I seemed to be talking endlessly. I dreamt myself in this happy situation all the days that I passed in UK, and finally I was living it. I realized how much I was relieved to be back home.

Tarun left after dinner, asking my sister to stay back with me and while all other retired for an exhaustive sleep, she ushered me into what was once her own sweety room, the place where we both shared our secrets in childhood.

After a brief silence, my sister shot a pierced questioning glance at me, settled her gaze to a steady line, and asked me, “So what happened of her?”

**********************
“I wanted to tell this to you for a long time. And like all others who face this situation, I was short of words. (Pause) I love you, Mithaali”, I looked straight into her eyes as my trembling lips spoke those magic words. I felt a crumble inside my stomach and my mouth went dry, I couldn't wonder why.

No "I like you's" or "I adore you's" or "I really think you are the sweetest" to check her reactions before blurting out more truths. Those schemes were not in my money for making proposals. The words from my mouth were flat, short and talked about my most deepest and pure sentiments for her.

They caught her midriff in wild fire, and she looked as if she was lost in surprise. Her beautiful eyelids fluttered slowly and she changed her vision to places at brief intervals. I thought she was preparing to tell something. After a brief moment that seemed like an eternity, she finally spoke, “Rahul, I don't know what to say. But let me begin it this way...” she paused.

I just don't realize how women master the art of keeping you guessing. I stared breathlessly with my mouth slightly open; to let the oxygen get in and out at its own convenience, allowing me to concentrate apprehensively, expecting every moment to hear a 'Yes' or a 'No' and end the gruelling wait for once and for all.

“Rahul, you are my best of friends. I really like you as one of them. I know I can confide on you more than anybody I know in this world. But I am not over it for a lifetime relation. My parents would not agree on it, and this would not go ahead.” she stopped torchering me finally.

We remained knowingly silent for the rest of our time as Star Bucks coffee shop continued to bustle around. Everything was normal from the outside, and nothing looked normal in the inside of both.

Rahul remembered the first time he met Mithaali, and how he was impressed by her thoughts and power to proceed on all odds and come over to UK for a career and a strong future. He always knew her to be focussed, looking towards becoming all that she dreamt of. Everything was clear for her mind, her targets, her life, her thoughts and her terms for her living. She shared all this with him more than anybody. He spent much of his time thinking about her, helping her in good times and the bad times as well. He remembered her tell many times, “Rahul yaar teri biwi badi ‘lucky’ hogi”. Yet on the brink of a decision called marriage, she seemed quite wanting to be ‘unlucky’, surprisingly different.

She looked at me with an assuring gesture took my palms in her hand and said, “My friendship with you will never end. And I know you will never disappoint me. I am sure you will understand my situation. I promise you Rahul; I can see ahead that you will get somebody much better than me.”

Her words were not making much sense to me, maybe because they left lots of questions unanswered.

That day I lost my first battle, I thought.

**********************
“Mom, I don’t want all this nonsense now. You go to the extent of calling them at home and not even letting me know? I was happy in UK only yaar, at least wouldn’t have to bear all this nautanki…” I banged the pieces of papers in my hands into the bin and they missed the target completely. She collected the scattered bits silently even as I marched past.

An hour later she came to me with a piece of paper and told, “Have a read at her bio-data my child… at least read what she thinks about herself.”

“Thanks a lot my darling mom, now I am made to read the ‘Preface’ of unknown people’s ‘biographies’ to prepare and attend marriage interviews. I am so very honoured today!” I gave a sarcastic grin and took the paper from her hand, stamping it on the bed quilt. I called up my sister immediately, but it rang busy.

By the time I got up for a bath, I was more calm and thoughtful. It was difficult for me to come out of the influence of what I thought about Mithaali, and there was no way I could involve in any other commitments in my life so soon. But I had to carry my life ahead, if not for myself but for my Mom and my Dad.

“All right sweetheart, I shall handle this one meeting and take it through without incident, but I don’t want any other from hereafter, am I clear?” I finally told my mom as we sat for the lunch. She softened instantly and pampered me, “Good boy. I knew you would understand me.”

“But remember mom, I bet this is not going to work out? So do not ask questions after the drama is over? ” I let out a prominent tatter in my words as they finished the line.

“I am sure you will loose this bet my son.” my mom replied. She looked at me with a teasing smile, waiting for me to open up a shy smile myself.

“Mom, I am the judge here, so only my team is winning. Is the logic clear?” I shoved confidently as I got up. My dad raised his eyebrows, looked at me without turning his face and smiled, I wondered why.

**********************
“I think now we can leave Rahul and Sunita for a while to talk through themselves and know each other better.” Like thorough professionals who have mastered the art for years, both the parents moved briskly to another room, and here I was all alone talking to an unknown person, fantasy of a possible “Arranged Marriage”.

We unwittingly observed two minutes of silence – it seemed as if both of us were mourning for what could be a prospectively permanent loss of our ultimate freedom called Bachelorship if this marriage ever were to happen.

She did look beautiful; we would make a good pair if thought that way. But that was not so important, she would not match Mithaali in any sense. I always had intuitions for girls in the first look, and those were always correct the very first time. She would not match Mithaali for sure; I made a final call to myself.

“Well my name is Rahul, and I just completed Masters in Statistical Epidemiology from Leeds University.” I finally tried to strike a conversation hoping to waste sometime and get out of there when possible.

“I know, I did read the Bio-data, before I agreed meeting up.” she responded immediately. I turned cold on such a stupid beginning from my side. I had not even read about her profession! Just her name and this meeting for the sake of a formality was all with what I began this journey.

I closed my eyes for few seconds, and finally got myself out of the jukebox, deciding to try and speak to her more easily. The conversation began with sharing interests, passions and went on to more underlying truths on our own thoughts about life. There was not much in common between us in terms of our goals, our passions, but she still had a strong impact on me. I liked her for something; I didn’t know what it was then. I was thoroughly confused.

“I am actually looking for a partner who has a focussed career path in mind. Somebody who knows what she wants to become and can do it on her own. I wanna give her that independence of her own. I want her to have an individual identity in the family. And yaa, of course she should be caring and friendly too.” I told her boldly. She listened to me intently, and probably in herself she didn’t look surprised!

As I had not read about her in the bio-data which mom gave me, I had to think of a diplomatic way to get information from herself about her own. So I began, “How do you normally spend your day – I mean in terms of the routines?”

“I work mornings as a clinical research analyst in the Jivraj Mehta hospital, and in the afternoon times, I spend time at the Ramsukhbhai School for mentally challenged children.” She said proudly.

I was dumbfounded. I felt the earth below me shake a bit, as I heard those words. I couldn’t believe Mom picked her for me! This was utter waste of time, I thought.

“You might wonder where my focus in life is, isn’t it?” she continued. “What I am expecting in this marriage is a friend who can help me to accomplish my dream. I don’t think that I was educated to run all my life just behind money and not do all that I dreamt of.” She was looking into my eyes as she spoke. I am sure she was analyzing every moment if I was interested to hear furthermore.

“Can you tell me what does that mean?” I blurted without a thought. After reading her eyes, I wanted to know more myself.

“I have spent many years of my life in education and understanding the way the world behaves. I know God has been very kind to me; I have achieved all that I wanted. But I have learned that I need to share all this with as many people around as possible. Happiness is not about going to many places for a trip more occasionally then others. It’s about doing all that your heart wants at some point of time.” She paused.

“I want a lovable husband who can take up the job of securing the future of both of us, and while I take care of home and my career, we both allow our time to do what we wanted to do all our life – serve the needy and the inopportuned.” I heard her say.

“Do you mean to say you don’t think money and fun is important in life?” I almost jerked out on her affable but impractical way of thinking.

“Of course I like to have fun and parties once in a while. Who doesn’t like it? But I have seen many couples that spend all their lives running to earn a lot of money. I have also seen couples that are struggling to do well in their ways, because they don’t come out of their ego and share responsibilities, success and failure. I think all of them are making one common mistake.” She looked downwards and paused to straighten the ‘pallu’ of her long salwaar she was wearing.

“What is that one thing?” I desperately wanted to hear her say more. It was a new perspective of living I wanted to hear more on.

“When I see people in pain, when I see troubles or ignorance, I aspire to remove them from this world. I become an Engineer to build better places, a Doctor to help all people fight diseases, an IT professional to help me get things done quickly more easily, more accurately and a reporter to spread awareness and kill ignorance all over the world. We do this because in our childhood, we decide to secure a future for ourselves and then transmit opportunities to others when we are self-satisfied. Even I dreamt this in my childhood, but I have kept my focus in it even now. We complicate our lives because we never realize when we’ll reach the stage of self-satisfaction. All that we get is never enough for us, and we forget to share.” I discovered she had a firm beautiful voice.

“I totally agree to you.” I meekly put in. Silence fell in again.

**********************
“Shantanu, don’t try to climb over that Rock.” She chided on him rolling her eyes in a false show of anger. He quickly retarded his action and went back to playing with the Abacus.

I don’t know what made me do so, but I called Sunita up that morning and told her I wanted to spend sometime in Ramsukhbhai School. I reached there impromptu about what I was going to talk to her. Maybe for that one day, I wanted to feel her rather than talk to her.

“Thanks for coming. My students like new visitors. Would you play with them?” she said thus and looked at me questioningly. “I surely will. Time for me to learn Math better using the Abacus.” I put in. We laughed.

I sat with her in a small porch in the vicinity of all the kids playing in the fenced garden. All of the children were occupied in their art. It seemed like colours had been sprayed around me. The scene was wonderful.

“Many teachers have their own reason for being here. Some do to keep themselves engaged and run away from the problems they spend each passing day. Some do so because they can’t forget how they have missed their opportunities, and how they must contribute the rest of their life in here. But my reasons suggests I am greedy.”

“Is it?? How can you be greedy for helping them build up their life?” I almost exclaimed.

“When I spend time at the Jivraj Mehta Hospital, I am looking into career prospects and remaining independently earning. Since you are in medical science yourself, you would know how Medical research is necessary in bio-medical ethics and public health laws. I work for Human Cell stem research, studying advancements in the umbilical cord care, adolescent health care and data analysis on medical informatics.” It was interesting to know her doing so well in so many fields already at this young age. She had to be very intelligent.

“But I think in everybody’s life you have good situations and some bad times as well. Like every other person, I have times where I feel rejections, get dejected or unlucky. In those evenings when I come down here, I find how lucky I am, to be able to live better than these unfortunate ones. So you see, if I do serve them wholly and involve in service, I get paid back a million more. I surely am greedy to remain the caring human, this school keeps me down to the earth where we live.” She smiled at herself as she spoke. Her innocence filled up my ears. My heartbeats were more prominent to my senses now.

The wind swerved my hairs behind as I stood at the edge of the local train travelling back to my suburb. I always loved the train travel in Mumbai as a college going student. I embraced and leaned strongly on the centre rod near the door, lost in my own thoughts. Yet again today after a long time, I was truly smiling.

Was it just the innocence and purity of her that filled my senses, or was I in love? No I can’t be in one so soon? But she surely was making me feel better every moment.

**********************
“There he goes, again writing on his red diary. Will you ever stop making collection of those diaries of yours? They just keep piling and piling. Do you ever read them again? Common Rahul, its late now, I want to talk to you.” My mom was always complaining to me. Right from my childhood, I always maintained diaries, those that I updated on adhoc basis whenever I would get time. I maintained my own bookshelf with all of them; maybe I aspired to relive my past moments of life somewhere in the older days ahead.

I rolled over the pen to the centre of the diary, and closed it. Turning over, I accepted the glass of badam milk from my mom and muttered, “You never loose a chance to harass me mom, do you?”

“Drink that thing without any more complains. So tell me how you spent your day today.” I knew what information she wanted. Women! Oh how stubborn can they get!

“Well… morning I went over to finalize the deals for our new house and visited the loans department as well. Around late afternoon, I went to Ramsukhbhai School to meet Sunita.” I paused.

“Mom I want to tell you something, something which me and didi had hidden from you. I did not feel like telling about it then, but today I want to share it with you.” I looked down and heaved a sigh, trying to figure out how to begin talking.

“Mom, while I was in UK, do you remember I had told you many times about one of my classmate and how she was one amongst the best pals of mine?” She nodded but stayed quiet, for me to continue. “Mom actually, while I was in UK, I came very close to her and I fell in love with her. Not that it matters now though, because she always considered me just a friend.” As I shrugged, she maintained her silence, but she didn’t speak, so I had to continue even further.

“Mom I find Sunita a very nice girl, but I think I am being unfair to her by not telling her the truth. I am amazed by her, I am getting attracted to her even whilst my recent past. But I have not yet forgotten it as much, and I don’t want to cheat on Sunita. Tell me mom, tell me what to do?”

“Your friend’s name in Mithaali Shah and she lives in Andheri west, right?” My mom looked straight into my eyes as she spoke.

“How do you know all that…!??!” I exclaimed.

“Sunita Desai is one of the best friends of Mithaali Shah, they both studied in the same Junior college. I came to know about Sunita because Mithaali told me about her the day you left for India.” I felt I lost my balance for a wee bit; everything around seemed irregular for a minute. I could hardly believe what I heard.

“But Rahul, Sunita doesn’t know about Mithaali’s friendship and her past with you.” My mom paused. “Listen my son, not always is it possible for somebody to commit being all your life with you. We do not lead our life for one person. What makes Mithaali your true friend is that she found the perfect girl for you, somebody even more suitable for you, so even as a friend, she understood you the most. I am happy you loved a girl like her. But my dear, Sunita is surely a girl more perfect for you.” My mom always deepened her tone when she said important things. I was stunned by these disclosures.

“I had told you that you will loose the bet, the reason behind that was not just what I foresaw in the meeting. Maybe I knew that if Mithaali was indeed your best friend, she would surely find you your best partner.” She ended.

The badam milk lay on the desk just like that. I stared at it in a state of blackout, confused whether to be happy or be sad with the revelations.

At that moment, I felt I lost the battle a second time.

**********************
Marriage and love are two different sentiments. Love binds you with a feeling that is inseparable but not necessarily bound with togetherness. Marriage is a bond that thrives on the trust that both give each other to stay together all your life. Love can help you build that bond with somebody, and stay all our life in the sacred relation of marriage. But that, my dear friends, is not necessarily the only way.

When you are actually ready to accept somebody as your partner, you try to find the best match for yourself. This is what you do even when you fall in love, the only difference is that it may not be so apparent when you fall in love, but then what you want from both ways always remains the same.

So every marriage, be it a ‘love marriage’ or ‘arranged marriage’, is successful only if your intent towards living a happy married life is true and complete. Then your efforts, time and happiness, everything is directed only towards sharing that togetherness with whomsoever you choose on your own.

Today is my first marriage anniversary, and of course I love my wife Sunita a lot. However, we both have mutually decided to not celebrate on this special occasion this year.

In India, we do not celebrate any occasions within few days of the loss of any of our dear ones. And sure enough, Mithaali, who left us to make a journey to eternal worlds a few days back, was one of our dearest friends. I know she loved me.

Every time I remember her, I remember how I always thought I lost twice, but how she proved it to be otherwise.

**********************
- When My heart beats,
Chirag Khara

Standing At Crossroads

--

PART – I ‘a’

17th November 2005 - 7:30 pm – Infosys Technologies, Hebbal Electronics Road, Mysore -->

“Veeru, I can’t stand this negative thoughts of yours anymore?” Shilpi shouted at him that day.

“Hey chill lady…I was just kidding…I mean its true though, isn’t it? I am just preparing for the worst thing. Common that’s always a possibility, ain’t it?” Veeru foxed a trembled manner to make her feel he was afraid of her cheesy remarks!

“No Veeru…that’s not the point. In some situations, you need to keep the worst possibilities out of your thoughts and words, so that you can focus on positive possibilities. Whenever you give an exam, you come out saying ‘Pass ho jaao bas itna kaafi hai’. When you talk about some past achievement of yours, you say ‘it was just luck nothing more’. Don’t you think you just down grade yourself unnecessarily.” Shilpi had always an overemphasized expression into her short-sweety character.

“Aiyyoo Rama…bache ki jaan logi kyaaa?” Veeru tried to tease his ‘South Indian’ friend, as he always knew her when they first became friends.

Shilpi and Veeru were best friends in the Infosys training at Mysore. Veeru had never stayed outside his hometown in Mumbai for such a long period; it was going to be a horrific time discovering all alone to take care of himself.

Shilpi, originally from Bangalore, was a wise, adaptive and sweet girl. Her biggest challenge in Mysore remained keeping Veeru awake in the long sessions of boredom. He would then copy all the assignments and solutions from her. She would SMS him warnings to stop playing Table Tennis late nights and keep regular good habits. She would help him study regularly; would take most of the trainee-project work on her head to relieve him from unseen pressures. And finally she would also thrash him for his ‘complaining nature’ time and again. She was sometimes like his mother, sometimes like his sister and sometimes like his friend – all in a days work to keep a ‘spoilt child’ in control.

For Veeru, away from his family for such long, Shilpi was just the right person god had sent to take care of him before he learnt and adapted to thinking independently in life. He kept her spirits alive by readily serving her the ever so favourite cup of coffee she loved so much.

“What bache ki jaan and all?” Shilpi continued. “ I am sick of all your everyday banters now. Listen Veeru - sometimes we become apprehensive with fear of losses if we keep thinking negative. Its all in the mind, and ‘jo hona hai vo to hoke hi rahega’. See Veeru - you always should have the control in yourself - that is all that’s important in life. I don’t believe in ‘fate’ and ‘luck’ ever in my life. I know whatever has happened has no external bearings and I own up on all success and failure I get in life.” Shilpi finally ended her non-stop banter with Veeru.

“Its not so simple Shilpi, is it? I think fate has always some role to play in our life. We must prepare for it when we can. Tell me one thing Shilpi, whom do you have most confidence and trust on?” Veeru happened to finally ask Shilpi that day.

“I reckon my lord Krishna and my father are the most dearest people to me in my life. I can’t live a moment without them.” She replied immediately.

PART – II ‘a’

17th November 2007 – BT technologies Ltd (Onsite at client place), Sheffield, UK -->

Veeru gets an email on his BT mailbox from Kavita, one of the common friends of himself and Shilpi. He is horrified with the news he has read.

“God damn it! These international lines, they are useless. How else do I reach her?” a concerned Veeru thought as he tried all lines to reach Shilpi who was in the Infosys Bangalore office. It was not until late evenings after his office hours when he could finally reach her. By then is was already late night in India and she was finally able to pick up his phone.

“Hello!” came her breaking voice to Veeru.

“Hey Shilpi! Hows you yaar? What exactly happened? How is uncle now? Where is he as of now?” Veeru flooded her with queries after having to wait so long before he heard her voice.

“Veeru, yeah… I am fine. Daddy complained acute chest pain and then something happened so he was taken to hospital for quick medication. I am travelling to Belgaum by bus and should reach to them as soon as possible. He is all right now.” She was weak in her speech, broken and her voice drained out periodically.

Veeru’s heart sank. The trudge back to his home was filled with lots of thoughts, but he said to himself, “I am sure things will be fine. When she reaches home, she’ll find her father in better condition already.” Veeru had inherited positive thinking from the influence of Shilpi with time.

However, things did not look very easy. Shilpi had to bore through tougher times - her father suffered mild Hypokalemic paralysis.

Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis – Veeru heard it from Shilpi a week later and immediately went to search on the web after the phone call.

“Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis is a thyroid-related disorder manifested as recurrent episodes of hypokalemia and muscle weakness lasting from hours to days. The onset of paralytic attacks coincides with the onset of thyrotoxicosis, which could be due to various causes.

It all starts due to ingestion of a high-carbohydrate meal and strenuous physical activity followed by sudden period of rest. Propranolol and spironolactone, two major anti-paralytic ingredients, are used to prevent future paralytic attacks, but the definitive therapy is management of the thyrotoxicosis.”

In her father’s case, it was more of problems due to diabetic and blood pressure imbalances and his arms and feet movement were severely affected. For 5 months, Shilpi toiled days and nights to regularize her father’s health and get him back to his normal life. Electrocardiography showed second-degree atrioventricular (AV) blockage and proximal muscle weakness, meant her father was on bed for 3 months before he started walking slowly on the strength of his distal muscles.

The same Shilpi who had never even pinched a friendly skin with her soft hands, had now learned to prick an injection dosage of ‘Potassium Administration’ to prevent cardiac arrhythmias and to hasten the recovery of her dearest father’s paralyzed muscles. She travelled endlessly to and fro from Bangalore to her hometown even while she met her office requirements. She weakened terribly in the influence of the sudden share of responsibilities she had to take.

She consulted Ayurvedic doctors, Naturotherapists to be sure there was complete progress in the health. Panchkarma, Sarvangadhara, Shastika Shali Pinda Sweda – all therapic treatments were under her monitor to get her father to normalcy.

She slept less on most days, took up all tasks of meeting the social hands and made hyper-sensitive decisions based on periodic aetiology to help increase the progress of his health. This affected her career too, from scant appraisals, to loss of pays, however that was least important to her in those times.

Shilpi single-handedly laid a foundation of a new identity of her own to her family – an identity she was unknown she would be so capable of.

PART – I ‘b’

17th April 2008 – Hyderabad Express - 08:40 pm – -->

“What’s that?? Oops!” Veeru was startled when he found something pulling hard on his trousers. A cute little boy, struggling to keep steadily stood, looked at him innocently and gave a smile as Veeru turned around to see what was pulling. The boy changed his gaze to his struggling father who was all busy loading his bags into the train.

“Can I help you Sir!” Veeru lend out a hand to the struggling husband extra loaded with bags. A couple along with their engaging naughty child had just got in his compartment as the train began its journey.

Veeru was travelling from Hyderabad to Mumbai, for a weekend holiday at home, having recently returned from UK to India. He was looking forward for a great time back at his hometown with all his cousins and family friends whom he missed so much during his first stay at UK.

“Thanks young man! I am Rajan.” The father paused to take in a breath and then exchanged handshakes with the queer young man. The little boy also followed suit and shaked hands with Veeru using his tiny hands. Veeru kissed his gentle palm, hugged the chirping boy and played with him for quite sometime.

“So are you from Hyderabad originally?” Rajan enquired to Veeru after everything had settled.

“Well not at all. I am travelling to Mumbai for the long weekend. I work for Infosys technologies ltd as an IT professional.” Veeru surmised his situation thus. “How about you? Vacationing with your family?” was his follow up query.

“Well we are beginning our trip from Hyderabad for a long religious trip. We both due to travel a lot since we will cover many places all around India.” Rajan added.

Rajan was a sober human and instantly very nice to Veeru. They chatted a lot throughout the travel as their son, Avduth wore off to a silent sleep.

Rajan had a very good business in imports and exports, mainly involving with businesses in the Automobiles sector. His wife, Sunanda, was very sweet and caring. She served Veeru with nice food, they played cards for a lengthy part of the journey, contact numbers were exchanged and Rajan narrated Veeru his real reason for going to such a long break – to all the important religious places in India.

“For five years, we stayed with all odds, consulted many doctors and finally understood that we are destined to be an unfortunate couple without a child of our own. As we tried harder, we realized that we needed a child in our lives very badly. We adopted Avduth from a nice Ashram in Andhra.” Rajan had watered eyes as he saw the innocent child sleeping in sound peace.

“He gives me my best times in my everyday life. After an exhausted day at office, it’s a real fun to have him talk to me. He has real sharp eyes and brain, and though he can’t speak completely as yet he does play endlessly with me. His sleeping hours are only 1:00 am to 7:00 am during night. So you see from that, there is not a trace of fallen stamina…for me, he is my everything!” Rajan added proudly.

“Wow what a happy family! When am I going to get married? When will I have children who can play with me all day?” the thought brought a stilt smile to Veeru’s teasing expression, he made to himself. The silence in the train was followed with the closing of lights and all fell asleep.

PART – III ‘a’

29th May 2008 – Infosys technologies Ltd. Bangalore, India -->

“Veeru I want one favour from you. I might be asking too much, but see if you can grant it to me.” Shilpi was writing vigorously on the chat-window she was chatting with Veeru on. Veeru worked from the Hyderabad DC in India where his project was based out.

“Aapke hukum ko kaise naa bolenge sarkaar…kahiye bandha khidmat main haazir hai” Veeru chirped in with his usual exaggerated lines to her. He was excited he would meet Shilpi after such a long time – he could not be around when she needed him, but he felt she had changed a bit.

“Veeru, while you come to meet us before leaving again for UK, can we go to ‘Tirupathi’?? I wanted to go to Tirupathi for quite a while now. I know its short notice but it would be great if you were with me too.”

On 30th May 2008, unprepared but determined, Shilpi, Veeru and Kavita set-off for a journey to meet the almighty of Tirupathi.

“What’s happened to you Shilpi? You have changed so much? I always believe you have been the best the way you were before.” Veeru spoke up when they finally settled to on their bus seats while travelling towards the temple. “I don’t want you to change Shilpi, not to the slightest in your beliefs in life. Its hard to imagine you talking about luck and fate.”

Shilpi spoke as she watched out of the window, “You remember Veeru, when I had once told you that there is nothing called as destiny or luck. I think I was wrong.” She changed her gaze and faced her friend. “Veeru, I have learned that there is something called as destiny after all. Things have changed a lot with me in the past few days. I feel there are a few things which are out of your control, few for which you need to bend yourselves in the prowess of the God. I love my Krishna a lot, and I can’t forget the lessons I have learned when my most loving father was in danger.”

“I believe I am becoming a bit harsher in my daily life. There are changes that I cannot cope up with in these times of struggle. I need to therefore meditate, and let my god know, that whatever be the tough times he gives, I will never miss to keep him in my heart, always.” She ended.

The setting sun cast serene colours of a violet dullness in the sky. Veeru felt they reflected in the beautiful eyes of Shilpi even as the KSRTC bus hummed slowly in its journey.

On one side her father and on the other side her God - Shilpi was fighting to keep her love sincerely for the same two most dearest people in her life. Veeru finally understood the gentle change that this brought to her life.

“Shilpi, whatever be the situation. Always consider me next to you.” He uttered sheepishly after a brief silence and winked consolingly, he felt so insignificant of himself in front of the most influential friend he knew.

PART – II ‘b’

08th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru called up Rajan to wish him on his birthday. “Hey Rajan, many many happy returns of the day...” Veeru spoke as soon as the phone was received.

“H..Hello..I am Rajan’s father. He is hospitalized in Bilaspur and in ICU. Please let me know your name”, came a dry elderly broken voice from the other end. Veeru was stunned and speechless. Words came out as, “Uncle, I am…but what happened?”

“Nainadevi problem..look into news” came the silent corpsed voice from the other end, followed by the click as the phone got disconnected. Veeru found himself trampled off-balance out of shock. He immediately went into the internet and with shaking hands, searched for more details into the incident.

On 3rd of August, a sudden panicking crowd trampled more than 150 devotees to death out of suffocation when a human stampede at the Nainadevi Hindu temple forced people over the side of a Ravine. Rajan and his family wanted to be the part of the ‘Savan Mela’, which has thousands of devotees coming in every year around those days.

With poor infrastructure, ill-maintained roads and well over 1.50 lakh devotees paying obeisance everyday during the ‘sawan mela’, a tragedy was waiting to happen at the Naina Devi shrine. Every year during the time of ‘sawan mela’ there is complete chaos at Bhawan area and authorities fail to tackle situation. At the time of the incident, there were more than 35,000 people queuing up from Bhawan area to Kohal Wala Tobha, from where the yatra starts. A few devotees tried to jump the queue and climbed roofs of the shops, a common practice during the ‘Sawan Mela’. The devotees who scaled the rooftops were electrocuted due to contact with high-tension wires accidentally. The sudden incident created panic amongst the devotees and consequently, the stampede.

Malpractices, poor infrastructure, crowd panic, unprepared medical services – whatever was the cause of the accident, it claimed the life of both Avduth and Sunanda. Rajan was severely injured and fought with life for 3 days.

He had however, a more fierce battle to face. Rajan himself carried his bleeding wife and dead son without even stretchers around him, in a private car to a hospital in Anandpur. Sunanda gave up finally in 3 hours succumbing over her deteriorated health.

The same Rajan, who had decided to go to bow in front of all the Gods of India, finally turned up leaving his wife and son at the abode of that Almighty himself.

Veeru cried a lot that day…Avduth’s innocent face haunted his thoughts.

Part – III ‘b’

29th August 2008 – ALU Technologies, Maidenhead, UK -->

Veeru suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, grappled under a gush of thoughts. Questions were revering all around him. He remembered how the famous French writer ‘Guy De Maupassant’ had once quoted about the superlative power of unknown.

“Whence come those mysterious influences which change our happiness into discouragement, and our self-confidence into diffidence? One might almost say that the air, the invisible air, is full of unknowable Forces, whose mysterious presence we have to endure.

Everything that surrounds us, everything that we see without looking at it, everything that we touch without knowing it, everything that we handle without feeling it, everything that we meet without clearly distinguishing it, has a rapid, surprising, and inexplicable effect upon us and upon our organs, and through them on our ideas and on our being itself.”

Whose influence could you take this onVeeru? What did just happen in this short account of Veeru’s life?

On one side - a friend whom he knew for such a long time, has changed suddenly. She has suddenly started believing on the power of fate and luck - she is going deeper into the influence of the unknowable force. A pinch of caution is now added to her former extreme positive thinking capabilities. Her belief in the supernatural, unexplained powers of God, has increased by a multitude.

On the other hand, Veeru remembers Rajan who has gone through the biggest shock of his life.

Walking over a barricade of human corpses - the by-product of a human atrocity caused by the very inexplicable effect of fear which Guy De Maupassant has so correctly mentioned. Amidst sound of human lamentations, with dried out eyes of shock and helpless rage, Rajan carried the silent lifeless body of his own son, Avduth. Avduth was his most strong reason for his life ahead.

The same unknown force under whose influence Rajan travelled all over India – had now given Rajan a reason to forget about his power. Would he ever face himself in front a temple again? Rajan’s belief in the powers of God had been smashed to pieces, he failed to believe in god again.

Veeru was standing on the middle of this crossroad, he could see 2 separating paths leading to opposite directions and merging at him. Shilpi and Rajan had moved on the other side of their roads now, and this change was beyond his control or liking.

The influence of God – the thoughts of fate, luck eternal truth – all of this is really an emotion. It’s an influence that we have created , to make ourselves aware of the limitations of our body.

Indeed God is within us. Whatever truth we see around us, those on which we do not have a control on, are a part of this God. He is an expression of our mind, just as we express laughter, anger or every emotion we know of.

Nature and the evolution of mankind are in the control of this unknown. He has the cards and is playing a game with us. Mankind is collectively endeavouring to win the game of cards and achieve the stage of complete control over nature. That unknown however, has woven the most complex web amongst our lives, the web of our individual existence, on which we get involved deeper and deeper.

We cannot win over this unknown Almighty, but you must remember that the next time you find somebody talking about luck, fate and in fact about God, remember that the individual is sharing his own personal experience and his own personal view influenced by the share of events that he has experienced in his own life.

If you have understood Veeru's situation, you would know why he thinks so.

- When my heart beats,
Chirag Khara

Discovering Love in a Relation

26th December 2007 - midnight 12:00 hrs GMT -->
"I love her, I really do.” said Raj. Tears glistened from his eyes as he embraced me and said,” Thanks Ramu. I owe you my life for making me realize how stupid and egoistic I have been." His eyes had that look which meant he really knew and understood what he was saying.

I made him call her immediately. They spoke for quite a while, and he cried throughout. But in the end, it was a beginning of a fresh phase to their relation – finally, the phase of love.

25th December 2007 - 23:30 hrs GMT -->
He plunged into another sip of his Scottish whisky, while he called up the waiter for another pair of 'quarter' glasses to be served. Likewise to how the 'drunkards' behave in Hindi Cinema when they are outburst in emotions of agony and ecstasy; the same was the case with him today.

The sip digged into his oesophagus a bit too quickly, burning in all the way, and commotion ensued at our table as my 'heart-broken' friend coughed in full throttle like a 'long unused car' sputters on the first ignition. It was indeed a first ignition in his merry life, all that he had discovered in our small town at UK where we were all commissioned as IT professionals for BT.

I always thought how funny it was with him. Almost every instance I was alone next to him sipping in my 'mug' of soft drink or maybe a juice once in a while, and he would still turn up ordering 2 glasses of whisky. He believed in the saying that we must always booze with somebody else to share in the health of the togetherness. He had no choice though, in the bloody European tour bus in which I entailed him all the way to Geneva, then to Rome and then to Paris on the last leg of our 'Tour De Europe'.

He worked for HCL in India, and I was an enterprise of Infotech. It was surprising that both of us had the same first two letters of our name, but there was nothing else in common between us. Nobody of us complained that 'Raj' and 'Ram' are but 2 common names of India. But it was fun though, as the Englishmen had a tough time calling us by our right names.


Rishita, that was her name. She was also from my company though I had never seen her before until I saw her in UK. She was sweet and had curly hairs and a rather sober voice for her getup. Extremely emotional and catchy to her thoughts, it was a real wonder how she fell in love with Raj. It really was the best example to maybe reiterate on my belief, 'Opposites attract'. There was really nothing in common between them. However they were together every time. I arrived rather late in the scene to know how they actually met and became fond of each other, but it really was true that they loved each other a lot.

“Nashe ka din aaya hai aaj, gham ki ghata ne diya saath hai..
Judaai uski yu sataa rahi hai ki, Ansuon main bhi meghnath hai!”

He sang so loudly, was so hoarse, that my hands automatically broke over my brains orders and they went on to close my ears. Sighs, claps and appreciation broke amongst the few people in the Pub, though I am not sure if even 10% of those French idiots understood what was told.

“What’s it with you now?” I tried to break a conversation, after watching him sway around his eyes in aggrieved disgruntle to everything he could see.

“What…what can it be? I am fine…just fine, c’mon this is the way to chill ar’nd when you’r in a trip monsieur, it’s a cock-a-doodle-dun affair…”. Only he was capable to understand what he meant in the last line. He was not in his full senses maybe, but I had to talk to him however difficult it may get. That one phone, the silly phone call ruined all our evening plans and still I could not complain to him in any other way.

“This is fine? It really is, isn’t it…ha?” out came my scornful, sarcastic words.
“A guy here dresses up to go to the Odeon to watch his first charismatic French play and feel the richness of the French revolution, and ends up going to a bar, drinking as he had never drank all his life. And now he fancies living with the thought that all’s nice around. C’mon dude…everything is wrong in this place. All’s been so after that phone call…and I am hangin’ around with you in this piece of shit, so can I please know what’s the matter actually?” I carefully softened my tone to try and not confound him in more agony and repent for ruining my evening all over. However my attempt was futile.

“You are right bro! You are absolutely correct. I am such a great screwer… I screwed your evening bigtime! I would say you could never ever have imagined yourself in the rich outfit you are presently wrapped up - for the all-exclusive Odeon show. And now you are hung up with me here. I am not ok…I need serious changes…I am diseased…my mind is diseased, my soul is diseased…I am a screwer…bigtime screwer. I can screw everybody’s life by my sole presence… your’s, Rishita’s…mine’s…uhh..!!" He panted as he spoke non-stop in a gush, his emotions speaking over his mind. I scowled within myself, he had mentioned about my dressing for the evening!

I waited for him to continue, but he stopped. Silence fell on our table even though the Pub was filled in its lee business hours of this ‘Christmas weeks Friday night’. Our conversation had to continue so I spoke up, “Its not so Raju…I mean don’t feel bad about me over here and all. I am fine here as well…it’s a good little pub and the babes here are really fascinating. On a second thought it’s a better bargain for me rather than the boring French revolution play, we would make heck no sense of!!” It was queer I was actually discovering the truth of all I said, even as I muttered to him. Well French gals are really hot must say, I conjectured within.

“But I am just curious to know what made you change your plans? What was that call all about? Whom were you speaking to? Rishita?” I continued probing him. He raised his eyebrows slightly but corrected immediately, trying to dig in on what he heard and still act unaffected. It was too slow for me though, and I had caught him unawares.

“Err...Rishita? Umm…why would she call me? She knows we are here in this trip, and if you remember we had asked her and Sanju if they wanted to join in. They just said ‘No’. So why would she call me?” I could see him escape my gaze as he said. His answers were unjustifiable and incomplete. He knew it and we both waited in silence for him to correct.

Again the silence, so I broke in a lie. “Sanju called me while you were busy in the afternoon, she was telling me Rishu was feeling upset for something between both of you. Can you imagine Sanju calling me! It has to be something damn serious for her to ever call me!” It was true. Sanju would never call me and everybody amongst us knew it. We hated each other as much as we could stand over, though we never showed it on our faces! It was not possible to act so at client location, so we preferred silence to un-professional behaviour. I could never stand her boyish behaviour and she could never stand my outright straight-on-your-face behaviour.

Raj was too much in his drunken state to realize that I had made the most slanderous bluff myself. “I never called anybody! But now that you remind me, Sanju did call me in the afternoon sometime, but that was just general stuff.”

“See Raj, there is no point in me probing you further. I think you have decided not to share your problems with your bro. Let me remind you again that your mobile has been with me all day today in my camera bag, just because it kept falling from your bungee outfit trouser. There have been no calls till we came back for the evening trip and I don’t want to coax you anymore….” Sometimes such sentimental outbursts help the assailant suddenly give in. This scheme always works so well…I would call it the ‘Guerilla tactics’. It worked this time too!

“Aisi baat nahi hai dost…” He extended his arms to ask me a ‘Hi5’ but I was not going to respond till he sucked out all that I wanted to hear.

“Well Yeah, Rishita was the one who called up. A few days back I had a fight with her and then it’s been very less that I have interacted with her.” He had a sheepish look in his face and I could see that the whisky, which had digged in, was finally evaporating to all the revealing from his book of secrets he hadn’t opened in front of me as yet.

“So you love her, don’t you?” the straight-on-your-face person within me took over. Raj was startled by my words. Whisky drained over his stomach and the entire little hangover within him evaporated to thin air. I guess he was more embarrassed on the fact that he hid this from me.

“Tell me Raj, at least now tell me?” I tried to come out of the Guerilla tactics, now concentrating to get more useful information and set the platform for him to begin.

“I liked her a lot actually. I did. But it’s all gone now. I don’t find anything ahead, so lets not talk about it Ram”. He knew it was not the end of conversation. My silence told him that I was not going to move till he continued.

“She is, uhh.” His pain was growing on his face as he continued. “She is so much sticky on everything. She feels I fool around her for nothing.” Well she wasn’t so wrong enough on some of his behaviours and I knew it well as a friend. But this time it was about love, a different emotion, and a different relation. I had to draw him out of the friendship world with her - into the world of love.

“I don’t think you exactly answered my question. I just needed a ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’ in response. Do you love her?” my mind grappling to find answers on his exact thought of it.

“I told you naa, I just like her a lot. I mean she is one whom I would always want around me, but I’m kind of…I mean I am...I have lost her and she will…. ok…let me put it this way….” He was on his own when he spoke. I could feel he was trying to admit to himself. “I think she is all ready to loose me, and I am not given a choice.”, he continued.

There was a silent period. Even as the pub carried its merry time, we both were busy. Raj was thinking how he could make me understand what’s going terribly wrong. I was trying to surmise how far had their relation been from true love.

Hoping I would speak up something he continued, “I did not mean to hide anything from you buddy, but then you know all was not going smooth anyways and we were still understanding each other so I would not make myself be a fool in front of you. You are my only true friend here, so I wanted to tell you about everything….” He halted suddenly. The phone rang and I had to pitch in with a call.

“Raj, have you ever tried to get answers to the question like what does a relation needs to sustain for long? Do you miss her only for what you liked in her? Do you think that she is ready to forget you?” I paused to bring myself to track on what I was saying and what I planned to say. This happens when you have a string of wise words to share, and you kind‘a look about on yourself to put pieces together in such a way that the listener can make sense of it. Plain enough, I was in such jeopardy as of now. And the listener was in pain, real pain.

“Ok Raj let me put it this way. When you like somebody, it means a few indications come from your heart saying that you unknowingly want to be with that special somebody. Always. On some lucky occasions, the same feeling is also going on the other end, and you get indications of the same. I assume both of you already crossed this stage…right?” I had begun my snitch.

There was a notable difference now. Raj was looking through the glass, straightening himself on the chair. I thought maybe he was trying to imagine all I said. “Yeahh…” he said, lost into recollection, even as a brief smile broke in on his appalled face and disappeared rapidly.

“Many times in such situations, we try to analyze and wonder what is it that makes you attracted to the person on the other side. These thoughts bring the exciting and positive things you find in the other person. This is the stage where you find the other person above friendship. However, we have not yet faced the perils of what we dislike in each other.” I almost tried to myself understand the truth of what I said.

“As we spend time together we have two things going on in our mind. First is the unknown apprehension every moment on how the person on the other side must be feeling about you. And secondly, you are loosing out on your natural self in trying to adjust for his/her dislikes regarding you. The relation is in a very delicate stage at this point.” I paused.

“Let me see, tell me what do you dislike in her?” I enquired as gently as possible.

“Umm...I think she has a kind of habit to over-react sometimes. You know she gets itched very easily on my behaviour with her friends.” Raj looked at me with a questioning glance. It was an indication for me to continue my analysis.

“Well I think she is right, don’t get me wrong Raj.” the straight-on-your-face person within me had taken over yet again. ”Anyways, my point is, do you think that with time she tried to become a bit subtle, and maybe you also tried to neglect her reactiveness, her over-excitement and things like that?” I added immediately.

“No Ram, she just keeps on holding my nerve on it. I am scolded for being a nerd and then cuddled over to make me think that she is still all right with it.” He frowned over as he spoke, but the wrinkles smoothed out as he ended.

“And what is it that you do in such situations?” I asked him. Along came silence and he was lost in his thoughts.

“I feel that you actually love her.” I finally decided to start from the end of what I was going to come to.

“You can’t stand her reactiveness, but you are absolutely missing her around you every moment. She is kind of pissed out on your nonchalant behaviour but is not ready to come with you for this trip. She is indicating you to think seriously about her.”

“The look of this all from the outside is that both would never be able to stand each other. But still you are missing each other absolutely well. This cannot happen without the power of love.”

“Love is not about what is shown in the movies as running around trees and singing traumatically. It is a strong bond that is strengthened by the hearts call and bred with the brains impudence to forget or neglect every bad thing about your loved one for the sake of his togetherness.”

“Love does not change with the regular fights that you have with her where you both keep telling each other how you both can’t stand that one bad thing about each other. It reaps on the inability of each of you to be able to stay separated for a moment.”

“Now the problem here is that both of you have an ocean of love for each other in your heart. However, there is no expression. You both know it, but can’t take up the challenge to express it. You both are running from each other, just because you cannot read yourselves. That explains why she was not ready to come and why you didn’t ask her again.”

“Now tell me what makes you think she has no feeling for you? Did she admit it anytime? What was that fight?” I wanted him to speak up.

However, I was unheard to him. Raj was thinking hard. He spoke up. “You are right Ram, I don’t have guts to tell her I like her more than I can imagine.”

“I adore her smile, I want to be sunk in her embrace. I want to make her feel I am always with her. I want to change myself but it will take sometime. I gave up smoking all because I didn’t want her to know I did before.” I was myself not aware he smoked ever!

“I am angry when she tries to over react on silly happenings but still I dream to fight with her ‘monkey-faced’ manager to make him realize how she has been ruined over her appraisals. I can’t withstand her crying for a moment and sulk away angrily when she cries because of me!”

“There is it Raj. That’s the root cause of the problem. You love her, but you are not brave enough to make her feel it. You run away when she feels bad about your behaviour. She needs you to be with her that time. You need to face her anger, and take her in your arms, make her feel you will try to improve. You need to set an example that you will be with her at all circumstances, even if it means that you both are sorting out a matter on your relations.” I responded instantly.

“How can she think of proceeding a serious relation with a guy who has not kept her from being insecure about her love? This must have happened enough times for her to break through and finally give over her own trust on her love for you.”

“You both are in pain…terrible pain, and you both are equally responsible for it. You need to make a beginning Raj; you really need to. As I repeat to you, I am sure man that you love her a lot.” I finally closed over.

29th December 2007 - evening 20:30 hrs GMT -->

We had returned from the European tour, but after office we had more fun ahead.

It was get-together time and all Indians had gathered over for a party. Swapnil and Sanika, unarguably the best Indian couple in our town that we knew of, were celebrating their third marriage anniversary.

“Married Life may begin together at any point and in anyways, be it from a love marriage or an arranged one. But love sustains in kindled hearts and transmits through lovely times of togetherness. Times maybe tough or it maybe times of success, but the feeling of always having your partner with you, is indeed the most comforting and encouraging part of your life. I have discovered this in every moment of my married life with Sanika.” Amidst claps from the audience, Swapnil embraced her affectionately as he ended his short speech.

Raj and Rishita came over to me after the dinner. “Nice to see now you both have your hand-in-hand and are not hiding anymore from me.” I told immediately. We all broke into laughter as Rishu gave a sheepish smile and hid behind Raj in shy embarrassment.

“Ram, I can’t help but thank you for making us understand our relation. I shall owe you for this.” Rishita broke in. I obliged in return with a smile. “Hey guys, its all about both of you. I was just reading what was written on your faces. You have nothing to owe me. Just promise to stay together.” I put in.

“We will.” they called in unison.

It was an amazing night and so I sulked over to a silent corner. Raj and Rishita were finally really happy and I was satisfied with how it happened. As the moonlight streamed through the darkness, I was lost in the clouds - I felt they formed a gigantic heart-like perforation in the sky.

“Thanks a lot Ram.” I was startled to hear Sanju speaking to me as I turned my gaze. She was silent for some time as our eyes met and my mind sunk into the reality that she was really speaking to me!

“I must owe you this time, to what you gave Rishita and Raj. This night has set their direction to love.” She finally put in and we both looked at the couple. I smiled and winked an acknowledgement as our eyes met again. We then proceeded to ponder at the clouds. I felt they were now clearing up on the canvas of the moonlit sky.

All that starts well ends well; I thought it meant maybe that this night also set the direction to my friendship with Sanju. Maybe we both silently realized that just like love, even friendship needs a bearing to each other’s falter.

- When My Heart Beats

Chirag Khara